Title says it all. Going to suggest a player to be drafted in either the first or second round (or third for HOU at the moment) for each team, along with a player to target in free agency, and a player to potentially trade for.
Trying to avoid overlap as best I can, but some may have similar targets. Resources used include PFF, The Draft Network, and OverTheCap. Enjoy!

Arizona Cardinals (8-8)

Trade Target: DT J.J. Watt, Houston Texans - The last deal between Arizona and Houston worked out well. Why not try again and add a serious piece to their pass rushing arsenal in Watt. An ideal interior fit for Arizona, Watt would help them push for the playoffs in his final seasons in the league.
Draft Pick: C Creed Humphrey, Oklahoma - Reuniting Kyler Murray with his old center for the Sooners would be an excellent move. The Cardinals currently have Mason Cole at center, but could easily slide him over to guard to make room for Humphrey if they wanted a significant upgrade at an underrated position.
Free Agent Signing: TE Jonnu Smith, Tennessee Titans - Arizona would be wise to look at adding Jonnu Smith into the equation on offense. One of the NFL's best after the catch at the TE position, he'd be another fun weapon to slot alongside Murray and Hopkins.

Atlanta Falcons (4-12)

Trade Target: S Tracy Walker, Detroit Lions - With a new regime coming in, Detroit is headed towards an extended rebuild, and acquiring assets for up-and-down players like Walker could be a consideration. Now, still young, Walker has plenty of potential for the Falcons, and if the price is right, could be a tremendous bargain.
Draft Pick: QB Justin Fields, Ohio State - While Matt Ryan will remain the QB of the Falcons next season, due to his contract, the Falcons should plan for the future and add a Georgia native in Fields, one of the better QB's out of college football in recent years. He'd be able to develop behind Ryan under the tutelage of new head coach Arthur Smith.
Free Agent Signing: CB Mackensie Alexander, Cincinnati Bengals - The Falcons do not have positive cap space at the moment (currently projected $30 million over the limit) so even after reworking deals and cutting some players, they'll be bargain shopping more than anything else. PFF projects Alexander to fetch a deal of about 2-years, $6 million, which could be feasible for the Falcons. He'd be a solid veteran presence across from CB A.J. Terrell.

Baltimore Ravens (11-5)

Trade Target: OLB Whitney Mercilus, Houston - I list him in "trade target" as he's technically under contract in Houston going into 2021. However, it's 99% more likely that the Texans cut him and Baltimore pursues him as a newly released free agent. Kind of cheating on my listings, but I like the idea of Mercilus in Baltimore after Houston cuts him. It'd be a coup for Houston if they could get a pick for him. Mercilus is a veteran pass rusher who could step into a role in Baltimore should OLB Matt Judon depart for greener pastures...green meaning money of course.
Draft Pick: WR Rashod Bateman, Minnesota - The idea of Bateman in Baltimore remains one of my favorite potential pairings for any player likely to be selected in the first round of the draft. Similar to Keenan Allen in my opinion, Bateman could become the go-to wide receiver the Ravens lacked last season.
Free Agent Signing: G Jon Feliciano, Buffalo Bills - The Ravens need to bolster the middle of their offensive line, and a tough veteran like Feliciano could be ideal target for the Ravens. With a big contract committed to LT Ronnie Staley, a cheaper veteran like Feliciano could match price tag with talent. Good value for the Ravens.

Buffalo Bills (13-3)

Trade Target: DT Malcom Brown, New Orleans Saints - The Saints are in cap space purgatory, and thus could be looking to offload some decent players like Brown simply to get back under the cap. He's a solid starting DT who could be available for cheap in the Saints push to real in their financial situation. A strong fit next to Ed Oliver on the inside.
Draft Pick: LB Chazz Surratt, North Carolina - Given their limited cap space, the Bills may have to decide between re-signing OT Daryl Williams and LB Matt Milano. If so, a replacement like Surratt could be a smart move for Sean McDermott and co. as Surratt is a quick backer who excels in space and has shown plenty of promise in coverage.
Free Agent Signing: DE Romeo Okwara, Detroit Lions - The Bills aren't loaded with cap space (barely above 0 if the cap stays down at $175 million), but I'd imagine they'll find some ways to free some cap up. If they do, they may want to consider Okwara, a rising pass-rusher, as a replacement for some of their own departing edge rushers. He tallied 10 sacks this season after hitting 7.5 sacks in 2018 in Detroit. While not elite, Okwara's likely a solid value pass-rusher for a contender like the Bills.

Carolina Panthers (5-11)

Trade Target: DT Akiem Hicks, Chicago Bears - The Panthers just drafted DT Derrick Brown, but pairing him and Hicks together could become a dominant duo in the middle of that defense. And with DT Kawann Short a likely cut candidate, Hicks could be an instant upgrade for Carolina.
Draft Pick: LB Micah Parsons, Penn State - Forget the QB position, if the Panthers have the opportunity to land Parsons at 8th overall, they should pull the trigger. He'd be an immediate boost of speed, instincts and athleticism into their linebacker corps, a strong replacement for Luke Kuechly.
Free Agent Signing: TE Gerald Everett, Los Angeles Rams - More of a move tight end than a traditional in-line blocker, Everett could be an exceptional value signing for someone, as he's not likely to command as much money as Hunter Henry or Jonnu Smith, but is a very good player himself.

Chicago Bears (8-8)

Trade Target: QB Jimmy Garoppolo, San Francisco 49ers - Unless the Bears are set to bring back Mitch Trubisky, who played a bit better to end the season but still not strong enough, the Bears should look at the veteran QB market. While Garoppolo has had some injury issues, he's a notable upgrade over Trubisky and could give them a steady veteran presence for a couple of more years.
Draft Pick: OT Christian Darrisaw, Virginia Tech - There's growing buzz that Rashawn Slater could join Penei Sewell in the top-10, leaving him just out of the Bears' grasp. But Darrisaw is quite the consolation prize as he's a first-round caliber offensive tackle himself who could fill a big need for the offense in the Windy City.
Free Agent Signing: WR Sammy Watkins, Kansas City Chiefs - Watkins and Bears head coach Matt Nagy did not cross paths in Kansas City, but a recommendation from Andy Reid could push the two together. The Bears are another team facing some cap complications, and thus may need a cheaper replacement for Allen Robinson on the outside. If so, Watkins has been a strong complimentary receiver who could pair well with rising youngster Darnell Mooney.

Cincinnati Bengals (4-11-1)

Trade Target: G Joe Dahl, Detroit Lions - Finding protection and weapons for QB Joe Burrow is the primary goal for Cincinnati this offseason before they enter the coaching carousel in 2022. Dahl is a strong pass protector who has grown into a quality starter. However, with large contracts for C Frank Ragnow coming up, along with big deals in place for Decker and Vaitai, Detroit may need to send Dahl out for picks.
Draft Pick: OT Penei Sewell, Oregon - There is buzz that Northwestern's Rashawn Slater may be viewed as OT1, and I get the hype, however, I'm sticking with Sewell for now. The Bengals should draft Sewell and get him ready to go as their franchise left tackle in 2021.
Free Agent Signing: CB Troy Hill, Los Angeles Rams - The Bengals have a healthy chunk of cap space, and should use of that to bring back CB William Jackson III. However, they should not stop there, they should also make a push for a quality veteran cornerback like Hill to bolster their defense in the meantime.

Cleveland Browns (11-5)

Trade Target: LB Jaylon Smith, Dallas Cowboys - After looking like an elite linebacker from 2017-2019, Smith had a rough year under now fired defensive coordinator Mike Nolan. A fresh start in Cleveland could be ideal for both teams, as Smith is still young enough, 26 years, to be a strong piece to their defense for years to come.
Draft Pick: DT Daviyon Nixon, Iowa - The Browns are in a strong position at 26th overall to sit and see who the top defensive lineman on the board is. If they're lucky enough for it to be a high potential defensive tackle like Nixon, it'd be an ideal situation to bring him in the replace Ogunjobi. A defensive end like Jayson Oweh or Jaelan Phillips could also work here.
Free Agent Signing: S Marcus Williams, New Orleans Saints - The Browns could use a big upgrade on the back end, and Williams, at only 24 years old, would be a premium add for a team who finally broke through the playoffs. PFF projects Williams to command a deal around 4-years $57 million, and the Browns would likely have the money to make that happen, sitting tenth in cap space this offseason.

Dallas Cowboys (6-10)

Trade Target: CB Mike Hughes, Minnesota Vikings - Hughes was a first-round pick for the Vikings in 2018, but has not lived up to the billing so far. Dallas is in need of several new faces on its defensive backfield, and perhaps a new situation could be best for Hughes to turn his NFL career around. For Dallas, a cheap flier on defense.
Draft Pick: CB Patrick Surtain II, Alabama - The Cowboys defense is a mess at many levels, and so picking a premium defensive player like Surtain would be a wise for Dallas to get things straightened out. He's consistently been pegged as the top corner of this draft cycle and makes a lot of sense in Dallas.
Free Agent Signing: DT Dalvin Tomlinson, New York Giants - The Cowboys ranked 31st in total rushing yards surrendered in 2020, meaning they'll need to make it a priority to find a run-stuffer like Dalvin Tomlinson to get their defense back on track. While most teams are geared towards stopping the pass, you simply cannot be as bad in run stopping as Dallas was and expect to be competitive.

Denver Broncos (5-11)

Trade Target: QB Marcus Mariota, Las Vegas Raiders - An inter-divisional trade for a QB seems unlikely, but it's something for both sides to consider. The Broncos need to find a veteran QB to bring in to push QB Drew Lock, who has shown flashes in his first two years but has so far been too inconsistent to commit to long-term.
Draft Pick: EDGE Joe Tryon, Washington - More likely a second-round selection here, the Broncos should consider finding a player to develop into Von Miller's replacement, given all the complications with their star pass-rusher recently. Tryon has a high motor and excellent athleticism to develop across from Bradley Chubb.
Free Agent Signing: CB Quinton Dunbar, Seattle Seahawks - Dunbar was an excellent player for Washington previously, but did not meet expectations after getting moved to the Seahawks. Should he walk in free agency, perhaps putting him under a solid defensive coach like Vic Fangio could help him get back into the strong form that made him a coveted player in 2019.

Detroit Lions (5-11)

Trade Target: A Big Haul for Matt Stafford - We suggest one later on, but Detroit's in a full-on rebuild with Stafford wanting out. Peter King recently reported that at least five teams would be willing to offer their first-rounder for Stafford. Detroit should turn it into a bidding war and land as many draft picks as they can to bolster their rebuilding efforts.
Draft Pick: QB Trey Lance, North Dakota State - The Lions are moving on from QB Matthew Stafford after he understandably requested out. With Detroit picking at 7th, there's a very good chance that Trevor Lawrence, Justin Fields, and Zach Wilson are all off the board. Thus, unless Detroit makes a bold move up the board, chances are that they go with Lance, who has the potential to be available with their pick. He has plenty of upside to develop into a starting QB behind a veteran QB, say Tyrod Taylor, reuniting with new Lions offensive coordinator Anthony Lynn?
Free Agent Signing: LB Matt Milano, Buffalo Bills - If we were ranking worst position groups in the league, Detroit's LB corps is in strong contention. An outdated group of lethargic old-school thumpers, almost none of Detroit's LB's are capable of playing modern football at a high level. Detroit should invest some cash into someone who is, such as the Bills LB Matt Milano, an excellent backer with range and some ability in coverage.

Green Bay Packers

Trade Target: WR Michael Gallup, Dallas Cowboys - The Packers wide receivers performed quite well after all the criticism Green Bay received after not bringing in anyone for QB Aaron Rodgers. However, good is the enemy of great, and pairing Gallup with Davante Adams would give Green Bay an elite duo in terms of pass catchers.
Draft Pick: LB Nick Bolton, Missouri - If Jeremiah Owusu-Koramoah was here as well, I think he could be another strong option, but Bolton is an excellent linebacker who can fill gaps inside and fly from sideline-to-sideline.
Free Agent Signing: CB Gareon Conley, Houston Texans - Like the Falcons listed earlier, the Packers don't have positive cap space at the moment, and thus any free agent additions will likely be bargain bin deals. I like the example that PFF lists in their free agency preview, suggesting Conley could replicate Ronald Darby's return, taking a year deal with the aims of getting things turned around and landing a larger deal after that. An opportunity in Green Bay seems like a good start.

Houston Texans (4-12)

Trade Target: Every Pick they can get from the Jets - Even hiring a veteran coach like Culley to run the show and attempt to repair the relationship with Watson, it seems unlikely to me that Houston holds on, given the issues between Watson and owner Cal McNair. Thus, if forced to deal him, the Texans should aim to land at least three first rounders from a team like the Jets, who could see Watson as a better player than any of the QB's available behind Trevor Lawrence.
Draft Pick: QB Zach Wilson, BYU - This obviously assumes a trade with the Jets sends #2 overall to Houston. If so, Wilson looks like the next best bet behind Lawrence in my opinion. He, along with the boatload of additional assets that would come along in this trade, should be a solid foundation for Culley and co.'s rebuild.
Free Agent Signing: S Malik Hooker, Indianapolis Colts - The Texans will start their rebuild without any cap space, meaning that taking chances on younger guys like Hooker, 24 years old, to potentially find useful pieces is key. If they can land Hooker to play safety for them on a cheap 1-2 year deal, that'd be ideal for Houston.

Indianapolis Colts (11-5)

Trade Target: QB Matthew Stafford, Detroit Lions - Easy one here. If the Colts had Stafford in 2020 they probably would have replaced the Bills in the AFC Championship Game. Stafford is only 32 years, meaning he still has a strong 4-5 years left to help the Colts' well-rounded roster make a championship push. Surrendering a first round pick and potentially a 2022 3rd (if there competition from others) is a gamble I'd definitely make if I were Chris Ballard.
Draft Pick: DE Patrick Jones II, Pittsburgh - Assuming the Colts use their first on the aforementioned Stafford deal, then finding a balanced edge rusher like Jones would be a great move for Indy. With players like Denico Autry and Justin Houston headed to free agency (and getting old), the Colts would get a terror on the edge with a tremendous motor and tools to develop.
Free Agent Signing: WR Allen Robinson, Chicago Bears - The Colts have a large amount of cap space, second in the league according to OTC's projections. Given that they will need to conserve some of that war chest for internal extensions, they would be wise to replace T.Y. Hilton with a more dominant receiver like Allen Robinson. An offseason adding Matt Stafford and Robinson together should make Frank Reich and Marcus Brady very excited for 2021.

Jacksonville Jaguars (1-15)

Trade Target: WR Odell Beckham Jr., Cleveland Browns - If the Browns are preparing to move on from Beckham Jr., then perhaps sending him down to Jacksonville to pair up with Urban Meyer could help get him playing elite football again. After posting 1,000 yard season in 3 of the previous 4 seasons, an injury once again cut his year short.
Draft Pick: OT Dillon Radunz, North Dakota State - Not at #1 overall obviously. We all know that will go to QB Trevor Lawrence. However, with the Rams 1st round selection (acquired via the Jalen Ramsey trade), the Jaguars should look to use it on an upgrade to their offensive line in the form of Radunz.
Free Agent Signing: OLB Shaquil Barrett, Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Provided new defensive coordinator Joe Cullen brings a Ravens style 3-4 defense with him, then adding a premier OLB like Barrett while K'Lavon Chaisson develops would be a great move for Jacksonville. With the NFL's lead in cap space, Jacksonville could afford Barrett along with some other instant contributors.

Kansas City Chiefs (14-2)

Trade Target: WR Anthony Miller, Chicago Bears - The Chiefs could easily lose WR Sammy Watkins to free agency, leaving an opening for another wideout to join the rotation. Miller has been fairly productive in Chicago, and could be a solid option to join Tyreek Hill and Travis Kelce in Andy Reid's passing attack.
Draft Pick: G Alijah Vera-Tucker, USC - Vera-Tucker gets mocked to the Chiefs a lot, and it makes perfect sense why. A premier offensive line talent, he has some versatility after playing tackle for the Trojans. While I think his best fit is inside, he'd be an ideal player for Kansas City to add to bolster their protection after investing so much in QB Patrick Mahomes.
Free Agent Signing: C Ted Karras, Miami Dolphins - The Chiefs will also be bargain bin hunting, as they're currently over the cap by $18 million. Thus, a starting caliber center like Ted Karras could prove useful for the defending Super Bowl champs (at this point). Karras signed with the Dolphins for only $3 million last season, and a similar deal with KC could be an absolute bargain when all is said and done.

Las Vegas Raiders (8-8)

Trade Target: DT Akiem Hicks, Chicago Bears - I mentioned Hicks for the Panthers as well, but he'd be a great add for either team, perhaps even more so for the Raiders, who could easily see DT Johnathan Hankins depart in free agency. A disruptive player in the middle, he'd be a nice add in Las Vegas.
Draft Pick: EDGE Azeez Ojulari, Georgia - After shockingly selecting DE Clelin Ferrell at fourth overall in 2019, the Raiders have still been searching for a game changer at DE to go alongside the productive efforts of Maxx Crosby. Ojulari profiles as a high potential pass rusher to scratch that itch for Jon Gruden and co.
Free Agent Signing: S Anthony Harris, Minnesota Vikings - The Raiders may have to get creative to free up the cap space to land Harris, as they're currently over. But if they can do it, he'd be an ideal player to add to the Vegas' defense, now led by defensive coordinator Ken Whisen...uh...Gus Bradley. Harris is an elite free safety who would pair well with Jonathan Abram.

Los Angeles Chargers (7-9)

Trade Target: DT Danny Shelton, Detroit Lions - Shelton struggled in Detroit, but frankly, everyone on Patricia's defense did. Before that, Shelton posted strong results as a 3-4 interior gap-plugger, doing a quality job for both the Browns and Patriots before him. With Linval Joseph on the decline, adding a younger replacement for cheap could be in store.
Draft Pick: G Wyatt Davis, Ohio State - LA needs a couple of new starters on its offensive line, and if the tackles fly off the board before they can get one at 13th overall, then perhaps a top notch guard could also suffice. Davis has been a consistent player for the Buckeyes and projects as an instant impact lineman for someone at the next level.
Free Agent Signing: OT Alejandro Villanueva, Pittsburgh Steelers - A sturdy, veteran left tackle should be a big priority for the Chargers, as the imperative to protect QB Justin Herbert is high. After a breakout season for Herbert, he gives the franchise a ton of optimism under new head coach Brandon Staley. Keeping him upright is something Villanueva would do well at.

Los Angeles Rams (10-6)

Trade Target: QB Gardner Minshew, Jacksonville Jaguars - The Rams are in a pickle with QB Jared Goff. He has not been a strong point for the team recently, but his contract is a bit too heavy to move right now. Thus, a cheaper way to acquire some genuine competition for Goff could be to trade for the affordable Minshew, a solid starter in his own right. Jacksonville will be bringing in Trevor Lawrence anyways to replace him, so perhaps acquiring a pick or so to send him out could be a wise move.
Draft Pick: EDGE Quincy Roche, Miami - Provided that new defensive coordinator Raheem Morris isn't changing the scheme outright, Roche would be an excellent fit at 3-4 OLB in LAR. He's a dynamic pass rusher with excellent physical traits. If he falls to the Rams in the second-round they shouldn't think twice about selecting him.
Free Agent Signing: LB Jarrad Davis, Detroit Lions - The Rams are another team already over the cap, so not a lot to spend on. However, they could use some help at inside linebacker, and Davis projects to be a relatively cheap piece to take a gamble on. Physically impressive, he's struggled with the mental side of the game. If Morris can get him sorted out, it could be excellent value.

Miami Dolphins (10-6)

Trade Target: WR Julio Jones, Atlanta Falcons - The Dolphins will likely have the opportunity to draft a premier wide receiver in the first round, but could also use some of their stockpile to add an established star like Jones. Giving Tua as many options as you can is a wise move.
Draft Pick: RB Najee Harris, Alabama - Reuniting Harris and Tua in a backfield would fill a big need for the Dolphins. Whether taking him with their second selection in the first round or hoping he drops to the second, Miami should get serious about finding a talented running back,
Free Agent Signing: G Joe Thuney, New England Patriots - The Dolphins still have a decent amount of cap space (8th in the league) and could easily use some of that to target an upgrade to the interior of their offensive line by adding Thuney. Thuney crossed paths with Dolphins head coach Brian Flores in New England, and a reunion down south could be profitable for both parties.

Minnesota Vikings (7-9)

Trade Target: DT Tyquan Lewis, Indianapolis Colts - Lewis may not be on the trade block, but the Colts have both defensive tackles locked up ahead of him (Buckner, Grover Stewart). Perhaps they'd consider moving a young, promising 3-technique if Minnesota put together a quality offer for him. He'd instantly fill a need for the Vikings.
Draft Pick: EDGE Gregory Rousseau, Miami - With the failed Yannick Ngakoue tenure, the Vikings still need to find a premium pass rusher. Rousseau sat out 2020, but was dominant the year before and projects as a highly athletic piece for Zimmer to develop.
Free Agent Signing: OT Matt Feiler, Pittsburgh Steelers - Feiler offers a lot of versatility, which works great for Minnesota, as they could insert Feiler as a starting tackle, or slide G Ezra Cleveland into the LT position and put Feiler in at guard. Either way, a relatively affordable upgrade on the OL.

New England Patriots (7-9)

Trade Target: TE Zach Ertz, Philadelphia Eagles - The Eagles are another team finding themselves in a less-than-ideal cap situation, and thus, will likely explore moving a top player like Ertz. While the Patriots have drafted a handful of decent role players at TE, they've lacked a player of Ertz's caliber. He'd be a nice upgrade to help whomever the Patriots land at QB.
Draft Pick: WR Jaylen Waddle, Alabama - It seems unlikely that Devonta Smith or Ja'Marr Chase slip to New England, but I'd imagine they'd be perfectly content with a potential stud like Waddle to bolster their mediocre group of pass catchers. He's a very smooth player with a lot of potential.
Free Agent Signing: QB Andy Dalton, Dallas Cowboys - Dalton got off to a rough start with Dallas in relief of QB Dak Prescott, scoring a total of 13 points in 2 games while throwing 1 touchdown to 3 interceptions. However, he was admirable after that, throwing 13 touchdowns to 5 interceptions while posting a 4-3 record over that stretch. Dalton could be an upgrade over Cam Newton for New England while they hunt for a new franchise QB to replace Tom Brady.

New Orleans Saints (12-4)

Trade Target: Draft Picks for Kwon Alexander, Nick Easton, or Latavius Murray - The Saints game isn't necessarily who they should bring in, but if they can get picks for some players with bloated contracts that they may need to cut. If they can score some late-round picks to move these guys (or others) elsewhere, they need to pull the trigger.
Draft Pick: WR Kadarius Toney, Florida - While it seems like the hype train on Toney has left the station, it'd be incredible if he slipped to the Saints at 28th overall in this draft. An explosive player, he'd be an ideal partner for WR Michael Thomas, giving Taysom Hill or maybe Jameis(?) some excellent weapons.
Free Agent Signing: TE Jacob Hollister, Seattle Seahawks - The Saints, as mentioned, are in cap purgatory. Their signings will be quite minimum once they make the trades, cuts, and restructures required to get them back under the cap. However, one cheaper option could be a solid TE like Hollister, as TE Jared Cook is set to depart. Putting up 25 catches including 3 touchdowns at a price tag a shade over $3 million could be in New Orleans price range.

New York Giants (6-10)

Trade Target: G Gabe Jackson, Las Vegas Raiders - Jackson has been rumored to be available for a little while now. Not yet 30 years old, he's a steady veteran option on the interior of any offensive line and would fit quite well with the Giants.
Draft Pick: WR Devonta Smith, Alabama - If the Dolphins don't take Smith, the Giants certainly should. Ensuring that QB Daniel Jones has the weapons he needs to grow into the franchise QB role is pertinent. Smith is a stud pass catcher and would be an excellent pick if he were on the board at 10th overall.
Free Agent Signing: EDGE Matt Judon, Baltimore Ravens - The Ravens have let a handful of pass rushers walk, and if they do so with Judon this year, the Giants should go get him. While Yannick could also be a Ravens OLB on the market, Judon fits Joe Judge's style a little bit more than Yannick does, and could be available for cheaper, which is important for another cap squeezed team like the Giants.

New York Jets (2-14)

Trade Target: QB Deshaun Watson, Houston Texans - As I do think Justin Fields or Zach Wilson can be good franchise QB's, Watson already is an exceptional one. The Jets should put together a package of picks to go land the beleaguered QB and unite him with Robert Saleh, whom he listed as one of the guys he originally wanted Houston to interview.
Draft Pick: WR Amon-Ra St. Brown, USC - Assuming the Jets send both first-round selections to the Texans in the hypothetical Watson trade, the Jets would still have a premium pick to start off the second-round, one they should use to add a top tier WR like St. Brown who could be a star quickly.
Free Agent Signing: CB William Jackson III, Cincinnati Bengals - If the Bengals can't lock Jackson up to an extension before free agency, the Jets should throw some cash at him to be a foundational piece of Saleh's defense in the Big Apple.

Philadelphia Eagles (4-11-1)

Trade Target: Draft Picks for Zach Ertz, DeSean Jackson, and Alshon Jeffery - Like the Saints, the Eagles probably should focus on offloading bloated contracts rather than bringing anyone in. The cheap rookie contracts that draft picks provide will be needed to steer themselves out of cap purgatory.
Draft Pick: WR Ja'Marr Chase, LSU - The Eagles and Chase are an ideal fit, and new head coach Nick Sirianni sure could use the big play ability that Chase provides. Whichever QB ends up getting the start, they'll be happy to have a guy like Chase to throw to.
Free Agent Signing: CB Bashaud Breeland, Kansas City Chiefs - The Eagles have a horrific cap situation themselves, and thus, a lower-end veteran like Breeland can give them a solid starter at an affordable price as the Eagles try and sort out their defense.

Pittsburgh Steelers (12-4)

Trade Target: QB Sam Darnold, New York Jets - The Steelers may have brought in Dwayne Haskins, but frankly I have little faith there. Instead, they should call up the Jets to figure out what Darnold will cost them. One season behind Roethlisberger in his final go could be a great change of pace for Darnold before taking over.
Draft Pick: RB Travis Etienne, Clemson - Everyone is too cool for elite running backs in the wannabe scouting world. But Etienne is a stud, and the Steelers need a big upgrade at running back. If they don't like their options for QB late into the first, they should give serious weight to taking Etienne and landing an elite player rather than reach for a lesser player elsewhere.
Free Agent Signing: G Elijah Wilkinson, Denver Broncos - Wilkinson had a very rough 2019 season, but has been a good deal better in 2020. He's still on the younger end, not even 26 years old, and could be an affordable gamble for Pittsburgh, who also needs to find their way back under the cap ($35 million over).

San Francisco 49ers (6-10)

Trade Target: QB Matthew Stafford, Detroit Lions - If the Colts don't land Stafford, the 49ers absolutely should. Pairing Stafford and Kyle Shanahan would be fun to watch, and he'd be a much most consistent player for the 49ers than the oft-injured Jimmy G. It's a big move, but one Shanahan may want to consider to make another championship run.
Draft Pick: CB Caleb Farley, Virginia Tech - If the 49ers don't move for Stafford and keep their first-round selection, they should target a top tier corner like Farley as they have a handful of corners (Sherman, Witherspoon, Williams) set to hit the open market.
Free Agent Signing: DT Shelby Harris, Denver Broncos - The 49ers top priority should be retaining OT Trent Williams, but after that, adding a veteran pass rusher on the interior could be a good move. Harris has been a consistent player for Denver, but has yet to be rewarded with a big opportunity, something he could get here alongside Nick Bosa and Arik Armstead.

Seattle Seahawks (12-4)

Trade Target: DT Jonathan Allen, Washington Football Team - I'm not sure the Football Team would move him, but he is on the final year of his deal, and Washington's going to have weigh future deals for DE's Montez Sweat and Chase Young into the equation. If they aren't willing to pony up for three studs on the defensive line, they may look to add some picks in exchange for Allen.
Draft Pick: CB Greg Newsome II, Northwestern - A late riser up the board after a stellar junior year in Evanston. Newsome has ideal size (6'1, 190 lbs) for Seattle and could help fill a gap if they have to choose between Shaquill Griffin and Quinton Dunbar.
Free Agent Signing: DE Carl Lawson, Cincinnati Bengals - A really good fit here, as the Seahawks very much need some pass-rushing help. Lawson has been an excellent player for the Bengals and could find the chance to compete in the playoffs if he heads west for Seattle.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (11-5)

Trade Target: QB Sam Darnold, New York Jets - The Bucs are another team that should explore the asking price for Darnold. While Brady is still winning his battle against time, it seems unrealistic to expect it to continue for too much longer. The Bucs could potentially land his heir apparent in Darnold.
Draft Pick: Christian Barmore, Alabama - Between Barmore and Daviyon Nixon, I think both have a case to make as DT1 in this class, but Barmore projects as a bit better fit to Todd Bowles' 3-4 defense than Nixon does. The Bucs add an impact defensive lineman to pair on the inside with Vita Vea, giving them flexibility in replacing Ndamukong Suh.
Free Agent Signing: OLB Tyus Bowser, Baltimore Ravens - The Bucs have a good chunk of cap space available, but will need to prioritize some re-signings like LB Lavonte David, OLB Shaq Barrett, and TE Rob Gronkowski. Thus, they may not have a lot of cash to throw out there after bringing back some of their own. Bowser is a good value to add as a rotational pass rusher, scoring some decent grades from PFF as a backup for Matt Judon and Yannick in Baltimore. An expanded role in Tampa could pay off for both sides.

Tennessee Titans (11-5)

Trade Target: OLB Jacob Martin, Houston Texans - As sad as it is, Martin's 3 sacks in 2020 would have led the team for Tennessee. In a passing era, you need to get after the QB better than the Texans are doing. While team's are hesitant to trade within the division, the Texans should be more focused on acquiring picks to rebuild, which they could get by moving a decent rotational pass-rusher.
Draft Pick: OLB Joseph Ossai, Texas - Really the Titans should be focused on landing a high potential pass-rusher, and Ossai figures to be a hot name in that range. He's a springy pass rusher who can inject some life into one of the league's worst team's at getting to the QB.
Free Agent Signing: WR T.Y. Hilton, Indianapolis Colts - After a strong season in 2020, WR Corey Davis seems a bit unlikely to return, as he'll likely fetch more on the market than the Titans can afford to pay him. Thus, they should consider adding a veteran replacement to pair with budding star A.J. Brown at wide receiver.

Washington Football Team (7-9)

Trade Target: QB Deshaun Watson, Houston Texans - Another team I think should really make a push for Watson. It'll cost them at least a 2021 and 2022 first-round pick, along with probably another second and DT Jonathan Allen or some other player. It could definitely cost more than that! But Watson would solidify Washington as the top team in the NFC East for the next few years. With QB and DE locked in with Watson, Sweat, and Young, this could be a potential dynasty in the division.
Draft Pick: OT Teven Jenkins, Oklahoma State - A potential second-round target, Washington should look to find a developmental tackle to eventually slot into their lineup. Morgan Moses and Cornelius Lucas were a solid pairing last year, but both are about to turn 30 years old, and Jenkins has a lot of potential. A year to develop before taking a spot in the starting lineup would ideal for everyone involved.
Free Agent Signing: WR Kenny Golladay, Detroit Lions - Washington managed to build a passing attack out of Terry McLaurin and a handful of role players at RB and TE. While it worked in 2020, it does not seem very sustainable, as Washington should use its cap space to bring in a premier WR to pair with Terry McLaurin. Pairing up McLaurin's speed with Golladay's ability to go win contested balls is an ideal complementary pairing.

How to break Wall Street. And what to understand about GME and the markets.

Hey apes,
tl;dr Please read this whole post. This is how we can win and why Wall Street is so scared of us.
I've still got these diamond hands and I like GameStop even more. Why? Because our favorite company has received the biggest injection of consumer capital a brand has likely ever received. Our favorite company is literally the storefront battle line where the little guy is taking on Wall Street, won but got cheated out of victory, and has codified memes like "diamond hands" into a modern version of David vs Goliath. And we still just want to go to the moon. The rest of this post is going to explore 2 certainties: 1) we can go to the moon with GME, and would have already except for blatant market manipulation and fraud, so we have to recognize that this is a war and we have to innovate to get to the moon, and 2) it's actually really easy to go to the moon and we figured out the legal cheat code to get there.
Why do we know we can go to the moon with GME? Because Wall Street cheated to crash our rocket ship. But the important thing to recognize is that they crashed our rocket ship to the GME moon by shutting off consumer demand then colluding to flood supply and use short ladder attacks to impose a downward stock trend. But media pundits (who are paid by Wall Street interests) are saying "fundamentals" and presenting talk of "Reddit guys are the bad market influence video game players because they don't know what they're doing, like we do, the experts." No. Supply and demand. That's how the market functions at its most basic parts. We had them in a squeeze and they turned off demand because they have advance data that showed them how fucked they were if they didn't turn off our ability to buy more GME.
How do we know that supply and demand drives stock price? Let's assess recent trends that don't concern GME. Here are two examples off the top of my head:

Signal Advance. One tweet from Elon Musk about using the Signal App drove people into a company not related to the Signal App. A small cap company that trades on the OTC (remember that for later - it's important for winning a war against short sellers while playing within the legality of market rules). A sudden demand for just 2 million shares of Signal Advance spiked the share price 5,643%... yes, demand of a small cap stock pushed a price up 5,643%. Demand. The thing Wall Street shut off when we were buying GME. Here's an article about Signal Advance. I think this moment is incredible information for us and it's worth a read to solidify the idea that supply and demand drives price.

https://www.theceomagazine.com/business/finance/musk-signal-advance/
2) Dogecoin. Again, Elon is providing us incredible information here. The exposure of and resulting demand for Dogecoin, even though the market cap is huuuuuuge and the cryptocurrency was actually intended as a joke, is driving the price through the roof. The last time I checked my dogecoins they went from fractions of a cent per coin to about 8 cents per coin. That is a huge gain based solely on consumer demand and psychological willingness to join into a meme attached to the perception of potentially life changing financial gains.
So what does this tell us about GME?
The squeeze isn't squoze, apes... here's some high level confirmation of this fact in an interview that u/rekoms12 alerted me to that is actually an attempt to say the squeeze already happened. This video is an interview with Ihor Dusaniwsky, the head guy at S3, the agency that has been blasting reports that short interests in GME covered, uses a statistical model that doesn't account for naked shorting as a possibility (he actually gives the game away by explaining how short selling is supposed to work considered with data of a GME short interest above 100%), and is paid by hedge funds for market data. Keep all of those things in mind.
Here's the link: https://youtu.be/22r48IVx7c8
As u/Rekoms12 observed, Ihor contradicts himself in the interview at a critical juncture. He says the upward movement of GME was retail demand, not a short squeeze. Supply and demand... But then he says that the squeeze happened at around $300, and then the price corrected. So was it a squeeze or not? And what's very telling to me is that Ihor and the interviewer don't talk about Robinhood and other brokerages artificially turning off consumer demand at the same time hedge funds turned up supply, the point when the price starts to dip.
What else do we know that's critical to understanding that the squeeze isn't squeeze?
We're getting gaslit with a mass media narrative that says GME is a bad investment. Because fundamentals... but let's dissect that:

again, GameStop is literally the face and rallying point where we occupied and fucked with Wall Street in a real and serious way. So seriously that they cheated markets in broad view of the world. That is an injection of consumer capital and potential loyalty spending that has unfathomable value. The fact that none of the GME hit pieces mention the demand side market manipulation as the catalyst for a price drop or offer honest consideration of GameStop's new WORLD profile as the face of small consumers resisting rich assholes fucking us and our wives as a value add to the fundamentals definitely shows that they're lying.
I've read reports that the real short report scheduled for February 9th will now be delayed until Feb 25th. Hmm. What that tells me is that they haven't settled their short positions at all. The greedy fucks actually, most likely, increased their short positions while they were cheating us. So why the delay? Simple. Their only out from the short squeeze is to turn market sentiment against GME, against us, and wait us out. It's a delay tactic. They think they can win a game of patience with us where they have an options deadline they're trapped in. They need us to let them out of the trap. But I'm no Portnoy because I have diamond hands.
here's how bullshitty these pricks are actually being when they say their superior understanding of "fundamentals" justify them not letting us do what we want. This article is from Bloomberg. It is literally called "Is the Key to Beating the Market Written in the Stars?", stars by saying "Henry Weingarten invests his clients’ money by charting the movement of heavenly bodies," and includes line like:

By grounding astrology in the less mystical-sounding business cycle, Williams inspired a new generation of financial astrologers. The most decorated is Arch Crawford, 77. Mark Hulbert, a ranker of financial newsletters, has rated Crawford the country’s top stock market timer a number of times. One of his biggest wins came in 2008, when he essentially called the crash. Crawford, a veteran of Merrill Lynch & Co., nails his CNBC soundbites and comes off as only mildly eccentric when discussing his craft. “I have the moon on the midheaven in Capricorn, which means I gain the attention of people without trying,” he tells me. “I have been written up in all the best places.”
And the article gets deeper:
US MARKETS ARE ‘EASY’ IF YOU REMEMBER THAT TRUMP’S 2018 HOROSCOPE IS STELLAR
Here's the article; PLEASE READ IT to understand the truth of HOW FUCKING MANY (even places like Merril-Lynch!!!) HEDGE FUNDS INVEST AND JUDGE COMPANY FUNDAMENTALS BASED ON ASTROLOGY!!! And they're chastising retail traders ABOUT FUNDAMENTALS!!!
https://www.bloomberg.com/news/features/2018-07-27/is-the-key-to-beating-the-market-written-in-the-stars
Would you trust an astrologer to tell you what to do with your hedge fund and call it sound fundamentals. Please take the time to google how widespread "financial astrology" is on Wall Street. It really tells us how full of shit they are about GME fundamentals... I wish this was a joke. It's not. And, again, my hands are fucking diamond.
How do we win?
It's the Age of Aquarius, baby. I learned that on MarketWatch, though this isn't an official MarketWatch article, like the official Bloomberg article above:
https://www.marketwatch.com/press-release/age-of-aquarius-final-activation-on-december-21st-at-622-pm-utc-2020-12-14
And how does that help? It helps because of something we learned, the real thing Wall Street is so terrified of us figuring out because it breaks their short selling game: pump and dumps are illegal, but our diamond hands pump and pump strategy isn't regulated, and it's legal (and fyi, I trust diamond hands with my money way more than Tina, my wife's boyfriend's tarot card reademarket astrologer). How do we know pump and hold is legal? Two things:

Here's the definition of Pump and Dump from Investopedia:

Pump-and-dump is a scheme that attempts to boost the price of a stock through recommendations based on false, misleading, or greatly exaggerated statements. The perpetrators of this scheme already have an established position in the company's stock and sell their positions after the hype has led to a higher share price. This practice is illegal based on securities law and can lead to heavy fines.
But what if you just say "I just like the stock. Want to like it with me and hold onto it with me because you have diamond fucking hands, you beautiful ape baby." Or what if you say, "I'm into this stock for the memes instead of the Wall Street star chart fundamentals." Or just "I don't care what you say about it. I like it and I want it and I'm keeping it." And what if you have that market perspective about a stock and identify some legitimate underlying potential in a stock like u/deepfuckingvalue saw in our favorite stock, GME, that now has a ride or die consumer base motivated by decades of getting fucked over because we finally figured out how to say, "Apes angry. Apes together strong. Game stop."
2) And to reconfirm that our Pump and Hold Diamond Hands (PHD-H) ape market strategy is legal, I got this Wall Street Journal article on Robinhood titled "GameStop frenzy is tough call for regulators focused on transparency"; here's the link:
https://www.wsj.com/articles/gamestop-frenzy-is-tough-call-for-regulators-focused-on-transparency-11612693802
The key takeaway for me in this article is when a very important Wall Street astrologer says: “You can sell garbage to the public as long as you say to the public, ‘This is garbage and you’d be an idiot to buy it, but would you like to buy it?’” The Wall Street astrologer who said that is Harvey Pitt, a former SEC chairman. An SEC chairman told us that... WE FIGURED OUT THE CHEAT CODE APES. THE WAR WE'RE IN IS LITERALLY MARKET ASTROLOGY vs DIAMOND HANDS. AND WE HAVE THE ADVANTAGE BECAUSE WE CAN DO DIAMOND HANDED MEME PUMPS LEGALLY WHICH DISADVANTAGES HEDGE FUNDS IN SHORT POSITIONS. AND WE HAVE THEM TRAPPED IN SHORT POSITIONS!!!
They literally told us how to beat them at the market game.
How do we beat and humiliate Wall Street?
Let's fuk these fuckers who have humiliated and shamed us for not being educated like them over their GME manipulation while they're investing billions of dollars (maybe trillions) based on star charts.
As MarketWatch told us, it's the Age of Aquarius. And we're currently under Aquarius Zodiac sign. Something else I found out while researching for this post is that the Aquarius Zodiac is ruled by Saturn and Uranus. So let's ride a rocket together. Let's say/protest market cheating as a community and tell Wall Street: "it's Aquarius (which you know better than us because you're about fundies, not tendies), so we decided to ride a diamond hands rocket past Saturn and straight to Uranus."
Here's the small cap stock we can do this with:
Aquarius AI INC
As SEC chairman Harvey Pitt told us to do, I'm pretty sure this stock is complete garbage. I bought some because I'm an idiot. I literally bought this stock because I want to tell Wall Street "I rode an Aquarius rocket to Uranus, I fucked, then I rode the rocket back to earth.
That's the main reason I like the stock. Why else, though:

Aquarius AI has AI in their name. This is definitely a stupid reason to like and buy this stock, but I made a few grand on Dogecoin stalking Papa Elon's Twitter, and he's so into AI that I think he's a robot. So this is for Elon.
Aquarius AI is involved in E-Sports Betting. Here's an article about it:

https://www.aquariusai.ca/aquarius-ai-announces-transition-into-esports-betting-management-changes-private-placement-financing-and-proposed-shares-for-debt-transaction-2/
So this is definitely stupid because Wall Street told me liking GME with diamond hands is a dumb ape strategy (which it says in their star charts), but DraftKings made huge Super Bowl money, E-Sports is getting bigger and bigger, and Aquarius AI being involved in E-Sports Betting means it fits with my love (and future consumer spending habits) that are fixated on GameStop. Also, I'm on Reddit and play video games and Wall Street mocked me for that. In fact, I didn't even know I could bet on E-Sports!!! Fuck buying my wife's boyfriend more stamina crackers. I'm betting on Starcraft. So this is for elite video game players and GameStop.
3) Aquarius AI trades on the OTC. Why is that important? Because it's very uncommon for an OTC stock to get shorted, so it's largely outside the schemes Wall Street conspired with to cheat us out of GME tendies.
4) The CEO of Aquarius AI has crazy eyes. That's probably a stupider reason to invest than Trump's horoscope like that hedge fund manager in the Bloomberg article, right?
5) Aquarius AI trades for $0.07 right now, there are only 22.3M outstanding shares, and the market cap is only $1.5M. That's way easier to rocket with a PHD-H community investment strategy than Signal did after Elon's tweet. WAY EASIER!!! And this is also a totally stupid reason to invest in this garbage stock, but that makes it easier to ride an Aquarius rocket to Uranus, then back to Earth. And that sounds fun.
6) Also, I have diamond hands. I want to see how much I lose after the Aquarius AI peak so we can extrapolate real market research about the impact of turning of demand side for GME to halt price momentum. That's such a stupid idea it isn't even regulated because no one smart enough to regulate the markets has ever been stupid enough to want to do that. So... is it stupid to invest in a garbage stock to get less stupid? Definitely. You'd be stupid to invest. Are you stupid? I am.
7) Also, I just like the stock.
Apes, let's rocket the fuck out of Aquarius AI INC and mock these hedge fund cheaters. It's legal. And it's a legitimate protest. And I want us to be able to look back at this moment and say, "Diamond hands, Wall Street. You fucked us on GME. But we rode an Aquarius AI Rocket straight to Uranus, then we rode it back home, you astrology fundamental fucks."
Who's with me? I'm in. I'm staying in. Diamond Hands. It won't take many of us.
p.s. I know some of you apes will go full paper hands and jump off the Aquarius AI rocket at Mars, or wherever. But whatever. I'madvocating you be stupid enough to not profit from this Pump and Hold strategy about this garbage stock I like that I'm not selling. But if you're less stupid than that, I implore you to be so stupid that you reinvest you're Aquarius AI rocket tendies back in GME, for totally stupid reasons, like you just want to.

Official r/NFL Week 14 Power Rankings

Welcome to the week 14 Official NFL Power Rankings! With circus catches and beatdowns alongside great games, there was plenty to discuss even before a MNF Scorigami that might already be airing on ESPN classic. 32/32 Reporting

#	Team	Δ	Record	Comment
1.	Chiefs	--	12-1	The Dolphins gave the Chiefs all they could handle in the first quarter of Sunday's game, but the Chiefs once again proved that when they are focused, they are the most dangerous team in the NFL. Travis Kelce, the NFL's leading receiver currently, had another monster game showing why he's a future hall of famer. However, after having five 10+ point wins in the first eight weeks of the season, the Chiefs last five wins have all been won by one score. Will this trend ultimately matter come playoff time? It's hard to argue with results, as the Chiefs 12-1 record is the best record through 13 games in franchise history. The ultimate barometer for the Chiefs is this week as they travel to play the Saints, hopefully with Drew Brees. Many questions will be answered in this clash of two top five teams.
2.	Packers	+2	10-3	There always seems to be one Lions-Packer game a year that ends up being some kind of adventure. Rodgers and Adams were as good as ever but the Lions kept on lingering throughout the game. Mason "Silver Fox" Crosby nailed an insurance 58 yard field goal with 3:30 to play and made a touchdown-saving tackle on the immediate kickoff. Aside from Crosby, the special teams really leave a lot to be desired, especially after the hands team almost allowed a onside kick recovery (c'mon y'all I don't need Bostic flashbacks). Packers officially won the division game and are now the projected 1 seed, which is pretty neat ngl. Onto a Saturday game I guess?
3.	Bills	+2	10-3	For a team that was searching desperately in 2019 for a signature win, the 2020 Bills have found them everywhere they turn. This team has had one of the toughest schedules in the league, but except for a couple games they've shown up every time they've had to. This is the second-best team in the conference. The Bills bandwagons are circling now. Josh Allen's extending his baseball glove-sized hand. He says "get in nerds, we're goin' to the Super Bowl."
4.	Saints	-1	10-3	This loss = Hurts. Dennis Allen seemingly had no answers for the rookie QB and then Miles Sanders piled on as well. "All the things we didn't want to allow happen, happened in that game." This was Sean Payton's post-game assessment and it's fair. Taysom Hill had an acceptable statline but it hides how sloppy he looked on the field. The defense struggled with its assignment to contain Hurts and keep him from getting outside the pocket - a worrying sign considering the next QB on the schedule.
5.	Steelers	-3	11-2	The Steelers schedule has been insane. 6 days between NYG and DEN. 14 days between HOU and PHI. 10 days between JAX and BAL. But with that BAL game, the Steelers played them, WFT and BUF in 12 days. 3 games in 12 days. The team is out of LBs and OL. This has been a challenging season for everyone, but this is unprecedented. The Steelers have 8 days until CIN, then 6 days until IND. 10 out of 16 games played with an irregular schedule? You can argue the drops are kicking their ass, but this schedule has been brutal. No wonder they've lost 2 straight.
6.	Rams	--	9-4	Imagine only scoring 3 points in a game.
7.	Colts	+1	9-4	Kenny Moore is a player underrated by national media but massively valuable to the Colts. GM Chris Ballard made re-signing him a priority after his breakout 2018 season. Moore has been a reliable performer throughout his tenure as a Colt and added an exclamation point with his insane one-handed interception on Sunday.
8.	Titans	+1	9-4	Derrick Henry had his second 200+ yard 2 TD game against the Jaguars on Sunday. The performance made Henry the 7th player to rush for 1,500+ yards and 14+ TDs through 13 games.
9.	Seahawks	+1	9-4	Nothing cures ~~suicidal thoughts~~ losing like playing the Jets, baby. Sunday was never much of a game, as it was all Seahawks all day. Russell Wilson threw for 4 touchdowns, Jamal Adams broke the single season sack record for defensive backs, and Geno Smith got to play a full quarter against the team that drafted him. What a way to get over a bad loss to the Giants. Up next the Seahawks will take on their final NFC East opponent of the season; Football Team.
10.	Ravens	+2	8-5	This ranker is a brown man, writing about how Lamar Jackson lost 20 pounds dropping some brown, dropping a TD to Brown, to go ahead against the Browns. They go for two. So in response, K-hunt ties the game, 42-42. In response, the Llama sets up the GOAT to nail a 54-yarder, 16th game winner of his career! To say nothing else of the game -- 9 total fucking rushing touchdowns, tying a record held since two defunct teams played each other before anyone on reddit was born... and Jackson runs for a MNF QB record 124 yards -- but still gets all the clutch plays done with his arm, with this middling group of receivers. The even greater news amidst all this is that the schedule doesn't look so bad in the closing stretch, and inspired play like this past Monday from the offense will ease the burden of the Ravens' gradually depleting secondary. Best wishes to Trace McSorely who made an extremely commendable effort to set them up for Lamar's return.
11.	Browns	-4	9-4	Did you bet the over? The Browns and Ravens combined for 89 points in an absolute rollercoaster of a game. While they did not win, the Browns have shown they are contenders. With two games to go a real shot at the playoffs is on the table. The Browns will face the Giants in another prime time game.
12.	Buccaneers	-1	8-5	The Buccaneers pulled off a 26-14 win over the Vikings, bringing their playoff chances to 94%. Vikes kicker Dan Bailey channeled his inner Gary Anderson to win the Bucs' game ball on an 0/3 kicking performance with an additional missed XP. Rookie Antoine Winfield Jr. played a disruptive game against his dad's former team and is looking like he has the potential to be one of the league's next great safeties. With only interim coaches to close out the remaining three games of the season, the Bucs should have smooth sailing into the Wild Card round.
13.	Dolphins	--	8-5	There are no consolation prizes in the NFL, but a single score loss to the best team in the league while the backup waterboy is lining up in the slot is about as close to a one as you'll ever get. While he was able to pull off the win, even Patrick Mahomes couldn't keep this ball-hawking defense from getting a hold of the ball, often. And at some point, if people don't start talking about Xavien Howard in the DPOY conversation, he's just going to go intercept the damned award himself. Hopefully, the long, long list of injured Dolphins get well soon.
14.	Cardinals	+1	7-6	A monster day from Haason Reddick and the defense finally put the Cardinals back on the winning track. Breaking a franchise record with 5 sacks was one thing, but getting all the turnovers was huge. Hopefully the offense feeds off of it and has a good week in preparing for a big game with Philly that has huge playoff implications. It will take a complete team effort to beat Philly with Jalen Hurts starting fresh of a win against the Saints.
15.	Raiders	-1	7-6	The Raiders looked really bad against the Colts, just like they have for the better part of the last 6 weeks. Luckily Gruden finally made the call to fire Pauly G, something fans have been calling for for the past 2 seasons. Only time will tell if it's too little, too late. Every game from here on out is a must win if the Raiders want to make the playoffs.
16.	Washington FT	+3	6-7	Washington is finding ways to win instead of finding ways to lose. The offense was not able to score a TD so the defense went ahead and spotted them 14 points. Chase Young notches his first TD and continues to prove his worth as the 2nd overall pick as a game wrecker.
17.	Vikings	--	6-7	Dalvin Cook became the first back to rush for over 100 yards against the Bucs in over 20 games, but the Vikings were unable to convert long drives into points as Dan Bailey went 0/4 on field goals and extra points. Couple that with some questionable officiating, the Vikings' banged up front seven generating zero pressure on Tom Brady and plenty of self-inflicted wounds and it all adds up to a real tough loss that knocks the Vikings down from wild card favorites to playoff long shots.
18.	Bears	+5	6-7	The Bears finally snapped their six-game losing streak by rolling over the Texans without much difficulty. Trubisky attempted one throw longer than 20 yards.
19.	Patriots	-3	6-7	Los Angeles, is a land of contrasts - In a span of four days the Patriots' hopes for a postseason were revived and then unceremoniously squashed. Run Defense, Offensive Line, Cam and the Receivers, There just are too many holes to cover up with week to week coaching, this team needs some reworking over the offseason. The Pats end the season with the division as always, lets hope to fuck someone’s season or seeding up. And also the Jets.
20.	49ers	-2	5-8	The 49ers defense did their job, holding the Washington offense to a total of 9 points, but the offense had two takeaways brought back for touchdowns and could not recover. The team looks to right the ship this week against the Cowboys.
21.	Broncos	+5	5-8	Drew Lock put up the third-highest passer rating in team history — behind a couple guys you may know. In the battle of 4-8's, the Broncos somehow managed to not blow a sizeable fourth-quarter lead and emerge victorious. Winning the game but losing The Hunt for a Better Draft Pick. Will the team remain in purgatory? Stay tuned.
22.	Giants	-2	5-8	It’s a real joy to watch the rest of the teams in the up-for-grabs NFC East secure wins, with one being against a top-5 team, all while watching your team play so poorly they start setting franchise records. At least we can say the hype was fun while it lasted, right?
23.	Falcons	-1	4-9	Outplayed by a team whose most impressive win is a tossup between the Bengals, Jaguars, and Jets? Check. Outcoached by special teams ace Anthony Lynn? Check. Ten point lead blown, two interceptions with under five minutes left, double check. Good thing age is just a number for the 32nd youngest team in the league.
24.	Panthers	-3	4-9	I'm not sure where the Panthers go from here. Coach Rhule has said that he isn't going to do the team and fans a disservice by beginning to evaluate players, which means that we're going to see more of Teddy Bridgewater (who is 0-7 in one score games this season) crumble at the end of the game. Playing at Lambeau in primetime in December is one of the hardest things a team can do, and it's not going to be an easy test for the Panthers, who so far have shown that they can't win close games, nor can they defend the pass (23rd in passing defense). It's going to be tough sledding, but hopefully Jeremy Chinn can continue his torrid pace and run his way into DROY.
25.	Eagles	+3	4-8-1	Jalen Hurts delivered the spark the Eagles needed to upset the Saints and spread 'quarterback controversy' all over the city of brotherly love. While the season remains a disappointment, the dual running threat of Hurts and Sanders could be interesting to watch going forward, and the NFC Least remains wide-open with 2 divisional games left on the 2020 menu.
26.	Lions	-1	5-8	Even with a loss, Interim HC Darrell Bevell showed that his Lions are here to compete. This game was never out of hands, and the Lions kept it close the entire time. There are still plenty of woes on Defense, but the Offense continued to ball out as expected. With two TD's coming from the run game (Swift and Kerryon), there is already something to look forward to next year. Lately the team has been able to trust the run on short yardage and redzone carries and it has helped the team with consistency in the red zone. Unfortunately, Aaron Rodgers is a QB that can carve up a weak secondary... so that didn't go great. There's around a 1% chance of the Lions getting a playoff spot, not unheard of, but it'll be tough if Stafford's injury progresses and we lose him for the season. #DefendTheDen
27.	Chargers	--	4-9	First of all, props to Falcons Twitter for this gem before the game, and it played out exactly as expected. Both teams did their best to try giving it away at the end, but the Chargers ended up on the winning side this time around. The Chargers had their hiccups again but there were improvements across the board; Justin Herbert's 81.8% completion percentage is his highest of the season, the defense came away with 3 INTs, and special teams probably had their best day. The Chargers get a short week before a Thursday Night tilt in Las Vegas.
28.	Texans	-4	4-9	The Texans are lucky that Paxton is the Texas AG, otherwise they would have had the biggest blowout loss in the state this past week.
29.	Cowboys	--	4-9	The Red Rifle won his revenge game, the defense forced multiple turnovers, and the Bengals were held to 3.4 yards per carry. All that, and the Cowboys still come out of the week with a top 5 draft pick. Honestly, Sunday couldn't have gone better. Now, the only question is whether this was the team turning the corner and the beginning of a strong finish to the season, or this was just a perfect moment of the Cowboys finding a shittier team with serious injuries issues and just doing what should happen in that scenario.
30.	Bengals	--	2-10-1	Giovani Bernard hadn't fumbled since 2013 before his 1st quarter fumble on Sunday. So what does he get for his troubles? A spot on the bench thanks to Zac Taylor. Giovani was one of the only veterans who spoke out in behalf of Taylor and the current coaches when multiple articles were released with "sources" saying that Taylor had lost the locker room last month. You have to question the benching for multiple reasons as the directionless Bengals continue to flounder to blowout losses. Just another reason why this should be Zac Taylor's last season as head coach in Cincinnati.
31.	Jaguars	--	1-12	This one felt more as expected. Perhaps it was in former GM Dave Caldwell's plans— no, wait, hear me out. Adjusting tinfoil hat; Based on the moves taken this offseason to seemingly dump talent from the Jaguars in attempt to amass more draft picks, perhaps the former front office of the Jaguars were banking on this season not being played, due to pandemic reasons. Sure, this may sound farfetched, but I'd like to hear a more reasonable explanation for fielding such a disaster as this team, this season.
32.	Jets	--	0-13	The Jets have now scored on 7 consecutive opening drives, the longest streak in the NFL. After climbing to an early 3-0 lead, I watched Peter Sawkins make an excellent cranachan custard slice on The Great British Bake Off.

$EGLX.to - Epic eSports stock about to uplist to the Nasdaq

TLDR; EGLX.to is the single best pure-eSports play in the world.

Look I have an incredible track record of getting lucky picking stocks in the new reddit dominated market (PLTR, U, AI, BB, etc) and I want to tell you all about my next big one: Enthusiast Gaming.
While our community has nearly quadrupled in size, I still believe EGLX is one of the most underappreciated plays out there.
Since writing my first DD on EGLX, a few things have transpired:

The stock has gone up like 80%.
EGLX signed a massive deal with Samsung and Samsung will be the official sponsor of their 7 eSports teams.
EGLX has strengthened their balance sheet by $50M, taking care of the cash risk I identified in the original DD.
The stock price has formed some significant resistance, and has a solid foundation above $6.
Call of Duty has had their best year in franchise history, and was crowned the best selling game of 2020 -> Great news for a company who owns 1 of 12 professional COD esports licenses.
One of EGLX's streamers, xQc, found his way to the top of WSB... indicating people on that forum follow EGLX, but they just don't know it yet.
Their recent bought deal is set to conclude this week, and I am hoping for big news on their Nasdaq application to follow shortly thereafter.
Last and probably least, I was personally right again and won big again, in both BB and GME. And yes I realized my gains in both. So for whatever it's worth, I have proven my track record again.

Get in before the Nasdaq listing if you like money.
Positions: I currently have 40% of my portfolio in Enthusiast Gaming.
I hope the mods don't mind, but I wanted to repost this DD I wrote about a month ago, because it seems like none of the noobs know about the Enthusiast Gaming eSports revolution. So here it is below:
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LINK to original post - POSTED JAN 6TH 2020:
Greetings friendos.
It's 12:20 AM where I live and since I can't sleep, I have decided to finally write a DD on Enthusiast Gaming that I have been thinking about for some time... EGLX is a stock that I believe can make you 5-20x gains in the next year. I have been watching this stock since like $1.50 during the darkest days of COVID, and I am kicking myself for not getting in until $4 just before Christmas. But I am now a proud shareholder preaching the gospel.
What the eff do I know?
For some background information on my own stock picking prowess and why my ideas might be worth considering, I previously wrote super early DD's on Palantir, Telos and C3ai before making money in all 3 of them. I have a large number of people who have sent me thank you messages on reddit for my DD's on those companies.

PLTR - I was in at 10.50 Telos - I was in at 20 C3ai - I was in at 95

As a final qualifying note, in addition to getting incredibly lucky at picking random stocks, I also work in the gaming and digital marketing spaces, and I believe that I am somewhat qualified to comment on the merits of an esports and influencer company such as EGLX.

Who the heck is Enthusiast Gaming?

Enthusiast Gaming is a giant network of websites, esports teams and streaming influencers in the gaming space. Actually, they proclaim to be the single largest esports platform in North America. As of yesterday, they have officially announced that all of their collective followings put them in the top 100 web companies operating in America. Note, the only downside here is that they are getting that number from a huge number of mid sized platforms, not one single super popular site like twitch or youtube.
>Source: https://www.enthusiastgaming.com/news/

Does anyone even watch video games?

Yes. They do and will continue to. Actually us North Americans are very late to the party. The League of Legends world championship is already as popular as the super bowl. These viewers are coming primarily from Asia.
>Facts: https://dotesports.com/league-of-legends/news/league-of-legends-vs-superbowl-viewer-numbers
Furthermore, the hyper focus on gaming as a cultural cornerstone is in fact coming to North America. I hope you don't actually need convincing on this point, but here is a fact for you:
Prior to COVID, studies were already showed that over 90% of all children in America were gaming in some capacity.
>Source: https://www.healthline.com/health-news/video-games-saints-or-psychopaths-082814#:~:text=More%20than%2090%20percent%20of%20American%20kids%20play%20video%20games,of%20Americans%20over%2050%20play.
Now for comparison, most of us now adults grew up while gaming became a thing. If you are a similar age to me, you know when we were growing up, it was like 20-40% of boys gamed, and maybe 1-5% of girls gamed. This dramatic cultural shift is staggering. Obviously, this trend has been solidified this year with COVID. These gamers will and are translating to not only playing, but also watching games. That's Amazon's Twitch platform is growing fast AF. Watching video games is big big big money.
>Twitch facts: https://www.businessinsider.com/twitch-viewership-grows-faster-than-previously-forecast-2020-9#:~:text=That's%20a%2026.2%25%20increase%20from,gaming%20streams%20are%20gaining%20popularity.&text=We%20forecast%20that%20the%20number,next%20year%2C%20to%2044.0%20million.

Who are their competitors?

Actually this is where I think it gets particularly interesting. As a huge gamer and esports believer, I have been looking to find esports investments, but having a real hard time finding pure esports plays. There aren't many companies out there to invest in that are strictly set to capitalize on esports. Frankly, most of the stocks I have found are seemingly doing dick all. I would encourage you to google esports companies. You will mostly find a bunch of garbo sounding companies that are somehow valued at $25m-$50m market cap, but their websites are broken and aren't even up-to-date. Really the only "esports" companies to invest in are the tech majors like Microsoft, Amazon, or Facebook, and the video game companies like Sony, Nintendo, ATVI, EA etc. Sure these are all great companies, but none of them are strictly focused on esports and none of them are new or cheap enough to turn into a ten bagger.
*** IF YOU ARE SKIMMING, THIS NEXT ARTICLE IS IMPORTANT**\*
Forbes recently released a report on the top 10 most valuable esports companies. Obviously, EGLX is on the list, or I wouldn't be mentioning it. But get this, EGLX is not only the ONLY publicly listed company that forbes identified, but they also have the highest revenue by a long shot.
>SORCERY: https://www.forbes.com/sites/christinasettimi/2020/12/05/the-most-valuable-esports-companies-2020/?sh=2e4769ae73d0
EGLX is honestly positioned as the supreme pure esports play in the world right now.

Who the hell is leading this little company?

Well my number one most important metric when assessing a little random undiscovered company is who is captaining the ship? The best way to tell if a small cap stock is a scam or the real deal is to see who is involved. In fact, the biggest reason I chose to invest in the above mentioned companies was because of who was leading them (PLTR = Theil, C3.ai = microsoft ties and the dude from oracle, Telos = a former US general)
Good news of course, EGLX has an A+ grade with leadership legitimacy.
Adrian Montgomery, the former CEO of the Aquilini Sports and Entertainment (AKA THE VANCOUVER CANUCKS) is running EGLX. He also has significant share holdings, 16% I believe, but I am too lazy to find the link. These guys are the real deal and they aren't fuckin about in some scam company. If they can run the Canucks, they can run an esports team.

But how do they profit?

EGLX does not own games or huge streaming platforms like twitch. So you may be wondering how they actually make money? INFLUENCER MARKETING. That's how. They are generating money through ad placements and influencer marketing on their huge platform. (And remember, they are in the top 100 US online companies in terms of reach.)
Facebook and Google are already soaking up ungodly amounts of money through online advertising and taking over the world. But paid ad placements only go so far. I don't know of a good source off hand, but I am telling you subjectively that influencer marketing is one of the "next big things". Companies are paying people with major social followings to review and talk about their shit. This is a very very big industry. I truly believe influencers are going to overtake hollywood and MSM. You shall see... No sources here. Pure opinion.

Is it actually making money?

Shit loads actually. This year EGLX is talking about increasing their total revenue from $9m last year to $120m this year for like a 1100% annual revenue increase. Obviously, if their proforma numbers turn out to be bogus the stock will collapse. But, referring to the fact that the owners of the Canucks are running this company, I am hoping we are not all being lied to and frauded out of our money.
https://www.enthusiastgaming.com/financial-statements/

How do you know I will make the tendies though?

***IF YOU ARE SKIMMING, ALSO READ THIS PART**\*
EGLX is currently trading at a $450m CAD or about $300M USD market cap. That is absolute peanuts compared to any other hype stock in the memesphere. With $120m annual revenue, that puts them at about a 3x price to sales ratio, which really isn't that bad at all for even a boring a blue chip. For a growth stock, it is extremely low.
But if you dig into their investor presentation, they are actually claiming they will raise their Revenue Per User from $0.40 to $3 in the next 2 years, or a nearly 750% revenue increase, not accounting for growth in the size of their social reach. If you include reach growth, it could be nearly 10 times revenue growth. By that point, the current market cap would be a fraction of their annual sales.
This stock is absurdly undervalued if the promises being made by the leadership come true.
>Go look: https://www.enthusiastgaming.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/EG-Presentation-November-2020-Nov-27.pdf

Final Fun facts:

- They own the best Overwatch team.
- They own the Seattle Call of Duty team, which happens to be among the nerdiest cities in America.
- They claim to have the best Fortnite players, but idk that game is trash so I couldn't really say if it's true or not.
But wait there's more!
Saved the best info for last.
The stock tripled in the past month. Why?
Because EGLX is still only trading on the TSX and they have applied to list on the US stock exchange.
They have appointed KPMG as the auditor for the application, and having nice big reputable firm involved certainly increases the odds it will get approved. Furthermore, I actually emailed their investor relations folks and asked when they expect to hit the US markets. Surprisingly, they responded and told me they expect their application to be approved Q1 2021.
Once this puppy hits wallstreet, I see it breaking $1B USD in no time, which would be a 3x return. $3B-$5B doesn't seem unreasonable if the current market insanity persists through 2021.
We have the opportunity to get in on this company before those darned Americans pump it to the moon.
CANADIANS HAVE THE UPPER HAND IN THE STONK MARKET FOR THE FIRST TIME IN OUR DAMN LIVES. TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT.
--
PS: Risks. Risks. I think it's almost certain that these guys will issue more shares to raise some capital. They are kinda acting like the want to pump their own stock with unnecessary positive announcements, and honestly, they are pretty low on cash. Think they only have $9m on hand or something small like that. Too lazy to look it up again. Just watch out for dilution. My bet is that they will do it after listing on the US exchanges and mooning. But honestly I am not too worried in the long run because they need the cash to compete in this space.
PSS: More risks. If the us exchange application gets denied it will be bad bad news for my TFSA.

Because of methadone, I had an amazing Super Bowl...

[Cryoverse] The Last Precursor 049: Assembling the Troops

The Last Precursor is an HFY-exclusive web-serial which focuses on the exploits of the last living human amidst a galaxy of unknown aliens. With his species all but extinct and now only known as the ancient Precursors, how will Admiral José Rodriguez survive in this hostile universe? Make sure to read the earlier chapters first if you missed them!
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Previous Part
Part 001
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"Admiral," Umi says, "The last Kraktol visitor has taken a physical, and I have finished tallying all of their results."
José Rodriguez, the last living Terran, sits up on his bunk and blinks the sleep out of his eyes. In less than two seconds, he swings his legs over the side of the bed and rises to his feet.
"What time is it?"
"The time is 7:36 AM, according to the standard Terran time measurement system."
"Alright. Let me get my brain going first. Tell the Kraktol to assemble in the holodeck in two hours."
"Yes, Admiral. Would you like to review their results?"
José shakes his head. "Nah. I'll worry about that later. I'm gonna get some chow to start the day right."
With three days having passed since the Kraktol went off to the medical bay to obtain their bodily statistics, José hasn't spent that time idly. The Terran drops to the floor and performs one hundred pushups, then showers, deep-cleans his teeth, and trims his hair. He pauses for a moment to gaze at his reflection before nodding. "Not bad."
He leaves his room in the Admiral Quarters, stepping outside to find a half-dozen or so Kessu also getting ready for the day.
"Mraww! Great Precursor! Did you have a good night's rest?" A female Kessu asks.
"I certainly did, Tomoko. They've been getting easier as time passes."
"That's good to hear!"
José continues walking. He exits the Officer Quarters and arrives at the Bridge, where he finds Megla and Soren milling about, tapping on terminal screens while compiling information onto their datapads.
"Admiral!" Megla says, smiling when she sees him. "You're awake. Did Umi tell you?"
"About the Kraktol finishing their scans?" José asks. "She did."
Megla nods. "Good. I'll have today's maintenance results ready for you soon."
"That's what I like to hear," José replies. He waves 'hello' to Soren and has a quick chit-chat with her, too, then leaves and heads off to the Mess Hall.
The Admiral arrives inside the Mess Hall, where he finds the fat chonker kitten, Skippy, waiting at the back of the line. The kitten looks up at him and waves. "Oh, it's you! Heyo, Mister Precursor. Did you hear about Felabi? He started walking today! Looks like the Machine God fixed him right up."
José pats the kitten's head, making Skippy's tail flick around happily. "I'll pay Felabi a visit today, then. Thanks for the heads-up, kiddo."
Seeing the Terran at the end of the line, all of the Kessu quickly step aside and gesture toward the front, but José shakes his head. "I may be the Admiral, but you are all just as valuable of crew as me. I won't cut in line just because of my position."
"Mraww, such a kind-hearted Precursor!" Several Kessu chitter. "I wish I could meet others of the Admiral's species. I bet they were all awesome, just like him."
"Quiet. Don't talk about the other Precursors so flippantly. It's still a sore spot for the Admiral."
"Oops... sorry."
José's expression doesn't change, but his eyes flicker for a moment as he tries not to listen to the cafeteria's idle gossip.
Several minutes later, José walks away with a plate of rib-eye steak and a piping hot bowl of stew. He plunks down at the nearest table, one where two of the newcomer Kraktol intermix with three Kessu. To José's surprise, the Kraktol speak normally with the Kessu, without the faintest hint of hostility.
"Graugh! Is that true?" One of the Kraktol asks, directing his question to Rags, Skippy's closest friend. "You used those Thunder Gloves to slap the head off a Disperra? Those Buzor are some of the scariest ones."
Rags grins, trying not to look too smug. "Well, it was mostly the gloves. The Great Precursor's weapons are all super awesome. I felt like a badass."
"You're not bad, kid," The Kraktol says, lightly smacking the kitten's back. "When I was just a fresh spawn, I'd have wet myself, facing a Disperra alone. That takes guts!"
José smiles while listening to their conversation. He pulls a chunk of his steak apart, salivating as it practically melts in his mouth.
"How about you, Admiral?" The other Kraktol asks. "Have you got any war stories?"
The Terran nods while smacking his lips. "Do I? You don't know the half of it. Where should I start? There was this time I got captured by a group known as the Third Hand. They put me in a maximum security prison and threw away the key. I ended up stuck in there for hundreds of years, but eventually, my patience won out..."
José continues talking, regaling the youngster Kraktol and Kessu with tales of his life. They, in turn, listen with awe-filled eyes, finding his stories almost a bit too unbelievable.
"Just you and Nick, alone, against a hundred guys? How could you possibly survive?" The first Kraktol asks.
"It wasn't that hard," José answers, as he slurps up the last bit of stew. "Ramma's Chosen weren't like most other militaries. Just one of us could fight a hundred men easily. Honestly, looking back, I feel a little bit bad for those guys. Of course, they were slavers, so they had my wrath coming."
"Slavers?" The Kraktol asks. "What do you mean?"
"You know," José replies. "They captured other humans and enslaved them. Made them work in mines, or... other unsavory acts."
"Ohh, I get it," The Kraktol nods. "That makes sense. Graugh! No Kraktol would ever enslave another Kraktol. Only other worthless species, like the Dakku, or the Avaru, or the Kess-"
The Kraktol pauses mid-sentence and glances at Skippy, then coughs.
"Err, well, not the Kessu, of course. Please accept my apologies. Graugh! I spoke without thinking."
José doesn't reply for several seconds. Eventually, he places his bowl down and stares at the Kraktol. "Slavery is an act of evil. It does not matter who you enslave, nor for what reason. Only if someone commits an equally reprehensible act can slavery be considered righteous, and only if used as a means of rehabilitation or retribution. Even then, I would argue it still is not the action a morally upright person should take. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some things that require my attention. Make sure you're ready to meet up at the holodeck at the appropriate time."
The Kraktol lowers his head. "Graugh. Yes, Admiral."
When José leaves, the two Kraktol stay quiet for a minute, before the second one clears his throat. "Graugh! It seems the Admiral does not look favorably upon slavery. Why do you think that is?"
"I don't know," Rags replies. "But the Admiral is the smartest person I've ever met. He definitely has a good reason."
"Best not to question him," The first Kraktol replies. "Let's go, then. I want to be the first to arrive at the holodeck."
"Graugh! A sound plan."
Both Kraktol get up from their seats and leave their dishes behind. Once they depart, a holographic crew-member materializes to clean up after them and the Admiral's messes.
.......................................
José spends another hour traversing the Bloodbearer. He checks the Titan bay, the shuttles, and several other areas, making sure there aren't any problems that require his attention. Eventually, he heads toward the Holodeck with a bit of pep in his step.
"Umi. Transmit me the scan results for Drall's crew."
"Yes, Admiral."
Dozens of graphs and numbers appear in José's vision. He continues walking, all while a virtual workspace opens before him, allowing him to manipulate the results to his liking.
"Oh, how interesting..." José mutters. "It seems Sapphire has nearly identical Body and Brain Stats as Megla. I didn't expect that. And this crew-member, Bantu? His brain stats aren't too far behind Soren. A ten point one in Memory? Soren scored twelve point three, so that's quite good. Ooh, but his comprehension is a staggering fifteen! Soren's was only nine point four. Seems this Bantu fellow would make for a good addition to the engineering team, but I'll have to test his practical knowledge later."
The Admiral continues scrolling through the results for several minutes until he arrives at the Holodeck's doors. Even so, with nine hundred and fifty Kraktol on the list, José doesn't make it through half of their names before he waves his hand and closes the virtual workspace.
"Umi. Enable a statistical display for all of the Kraktol. I want to see their stats floating above their heads."
"Orders acknowledged, Admiral."
Without another word, José steps into the Holodeck. As the doors open, he quickly sweeps his gaze around, discovering that the holodeck has been configured, perhaps by Soren, to resemble an ancient-looking stone arena, one with spectator seats configured with plenty of leg and tail room, where the Kraktol can fight in pairs on the main stage, or sit down and wait their turn in the audience.
A comfortable warmth fills the air. In the center of the arena, Soren and Megla stand with their backs together, both watching as half a dozen pairs of Kraktol fight one another, using Terran melee weaponry to trade blows. Swords, maces, staffs, and other similar primitive weapons clumsily bat against each other, while José's first and second-in-command fire off suggestions to the new recruits.
"Widen your stance!" Megla shouts. "Anticipate your opponent's strike."
"Your reaction time is too slow," Soren says, speaking to a different group. "In a real fight, your opponent would club your head and beat you senseless."
José strolls through the narrow gap between two sets of arena seats, drawing dozens of eyeballs in his direction.
"Admiral on deck!" A nearby Kraktol shouts. José turns his head to see who spoke.
"Lord Drall? Is that you?" José asks, as he stifles a shit-eating grin. "What happened? You look like you tripped down a flight of stairs... several times in a row."
The leader of the Kraktol, Lord Drall, stands not far from José. Several black and blue marks line his yellow scales, revealing the result of his fight with the Terran Admiral three days prior, after José challenged him. Even with José's weakened body following his cloning and resurrection, he still defeated the Kraktol general without any trouble.
Drall raises his head defiantly. "Graugh! There is no shame in admitting defeat to a superior fighter, Admiral Rodriguez. You beat me, and so I must work harder to catch up to you. That is the Kraktol way."
"Well said," José laughs. He walks over and slaps Drall's back, making the Kraktol wince. "Oops! Sorry, I didn't realize you were still sore."
"Why wouldn't I be?" Drall complains. "Graugh... your fists fell upon me like a rain of meteors. I tried blocking, but you just kept pummeling my poor, innocent arms. What did they ever do to deserve such treatment?"
"They got in my way," José chuckles. "Now, enough chit-chat. We've got a lot of work to do, separating the wheat from the chaff. Since your soldiers have all completed their scans- oh?"
José pauses to look above Drall's head, where his physical and mental fitness results hover.
"Daaamn, Drall. Not bad."
The Kraktol blinks in confusion. "Graugh? Admiral?"
"Oh, it's just... your physical fitness results are quite good. Your body is significantly stronger than Megla's, though you're not quite as mentally adept as Soren."
Drall rubs his claws together. "Graugh! That is to be expected. I am one of the strongest Kraktol, after all. Orgon was a rare and exceptional fighter who stood above me, but few others exist of his caliber."
"Mmm..." José grunts. "Umi rated your strength at sixteen point five. I don't know what Orgon's ratings were, but I do know you're several tiers above Megla."
"And yet I still lost to you..." Drall muses.
After exchanging a few more pleasantries, José leaves Drall to head toward the arena's center. Before he makes it to Soren and Megla, both of them turn to look at him in unison.
"Admiral." Soren nods. "Everyone is here."
"You came a little later than expected," Megla says, "so we took the liberty to start drilling our kin. I hope you don't mind."
"Nope. That's excellent proactivity from both of you," José says, squeezing Megla and Soren's shoulders. "I'll take it from here. You two can go and take a seat."
"Yes, Admiral," Both Kraktol reply in unison.
After they leave, José turns to face the audience. With more than nine hundred Kraktol seated in the auditorium, only a few dozen spar in the middle of the arena. José opens his mouth to speak, only to feel a sense of danger behind him. He whirls around just in time to see a flash of blue and green charging at him from behind.
"Darling!" Sapphire cries. She grabs onto José's arm and nearly knocks him over, making the Terran frown. "It's been so long since we last spoke! I was starting to feel lovesick from missing you!"
"We spoke in the Mess Hall yesterday," José grouches, as he tries to shake Sapphire off his arm. "Confound you, woman. Must you be so clingy?"
"Of course!" Sapphire chirps. "Kyargh! If some lesser female gets to you first, it will be my eternal shame!"
José rolls his eyes. "Suit yourself. Oh! Actually, since you're here, Sapphire, I guess that makes you my first volunteer!"
A deliciously wicked smile spreads across José's face, making Sapphire turn pale. "V-volunteer? Of course, darling... anything for you!"
"Excellent! Excellent!" José laughs. "You can be the first competitor in today's tournament!"
Sapphire cocks her head. "Turn-a-mint?"
"You'll see!" José whistles mischievously. He turns to face the audience once again.
"Everyone! Thank you for coming. All of you know by now what our mission is and why you're here," José begins. "We have a terrifying enemy we must defeat. So long as you help me, you will earn my gratitude. I never give out my assistance for free, and neither will I ask for yours at no cost. Your leader, the great Lord Drall, has worked out several conditions beneficial to the Kraktol Empire."
José spends several minutes explaining to the audience their mission, the roles they'll play, and his concept for training all of them.
"Does anyone here know what a tournament is?" José asks.
The audience-members shake their heads.
"Simply put," he explains, "it is a competition to determine who among you are the strongest. However, this mission requires not only strength, but intelligence as well. Therefore, I will be testing all of you several times over the next two weeks to determine who should lead and who should follow. Disregard any of your previous achievements, any of your military titles, and any other notions of prestige you might have. Before me, all of them are meaningless. I defeated your leader, Lord Drall, in hand to hand combat. That means I can break any one of you without exerting much effort. Give me lip, and I'll give you the boot. Understood?"
The audience nods in unison. "Yes, Admiral!"
"Great! You're quick learners! I respect that. Now, all of you, line up according to the scores Umi gave you on your physical exams. First group, those with the highest scores, line up to my right. Second, third, fourth, and fifth groups, line up in order to the first group's right."
The Kraktol immediately stand up and fall into position, shuffling themselves around until they form five neat and tidy columns. Sapphire leaves José's side, while Soren and Megla remain seated, exempt from the tournament's rankings. José sweeps his eyes from left to right, barely glancing at the wall of numbers hovering over the heads of every Kraktol present. When his gaze reaches the first row, he flinches in surprise.
"Kisa?"
Standing in first position, to the Admiral's amazement, is Kisa Kindris, daughter of the Thülvik, Loreen Kindris. José's eyes bug out as he stares at the numbers over her head.
The Terran mutters under his breath. "What in the Divine Emperor's name? Are... are those numbers for real?"
Kisa's preliminary results rock his world.
Visual rating: 1.12. Olfactory rating: 1.4. Auditory rating: 1.05. Gustation rating: 3.5. Somatosensory rating: 2.2. Vestibular rating: 0.7. Proprioceptive rating: 0.7.
Strength: 25.6. Grip: 17.5. Agility: 12.0. Memory: 7.0. Comprehension: 4.0. Endurance: 25.5. Stamina: 20.4.
The Kraktol watch silently as the Admiral seemingly stares into empty space above the first group's heads, making them wonder what has happened to him. It takes a full thirty seconds before José blinks wearily and regains his composure.
"Kisa Kindris. You... you scored first place on the physical parameter test," José says, looking Kisa dead in the eye. "Have you engaged in combat before?"
Kisa's black and yellow scales flush with color. She lowers her head meekly. "N-no, Admiral, sir. I, um... I did work out regularly according to my moth- ah, I mean the Thülvik's requirements."
"I see. Your excellent genes must be why you... never mind. Well, needless to say, I'll be relying on you and the others in the First Group during this operation."
The Admiral clears his throat. "Alright! Moving on. You all will likely feel a range of emotions regarding your placements! These groups are, as of now, only a way to group you by your relative strengths. Statistically speaking, the mightiest Kraktol should have ended up in the First Group, while the weakest should have ended up in the Fifth Group, but I expect these rankings to change drastically during the course of this tournament. For anyone who ends up moving down a rank, I hope you will feel great shame in knowing a weaker Kraktol defeated you. Work harder, and you will redeem yourselves! And for anyone who moves up to a higher-rated group, you should feel nothing but pride! What makes a warrior legendary is not their body or their innate gifts, but how they use them in battle!"
José begins pacing up and down the columns, casually inspecting the Kraktol's numbers as he looks at them. It doesn't take long for him to get a general idea of how their average and extreme stats will pan out.
"There is no shame in lacking strength. There is only shame in failing to better yourselves; to empower yourselves! A warrior's goal is not to seek perfection, for that is an impossibility! Instead, you must focus on steadily improving yourselves, day by day. If you become weaker tomorrow than you are today, then that is shameful! If you instead become stronger, then that is glorious! There is no in-between! A static warrior is one who has given up on life."
José stops in between the second and third column of Kraktol to look at Sapphire, smack in the middle of the third group. She smiles at him and waves, but he doesn't reciprocate.
"Sapphire," José says. "You claimed you would make me your mate, yet look at this result! You stand within the center of the central column. In terms of the Kraktol present, you are the most average of average. Do you think yourself worthy of being my mate with such a low status?"
Sapphire's scales lose some of their coloration. She lowers her head and sighs. "N-no, darling..."
"Hmph!" José snorts. "I do not permit you to call me 'Darling' any longer! I am your Admiral! If you want a chance with me, then I suppose you'll have to prove yourself in this tournament! So long as you enter into the First Group, I may consider your advances."
The Admiral immediately continues walking, while Sapphire raises her head. "Really, darling? Do you mean that?"
"That's Admiral to you!" José replies.
"Yes, darling! Whatever you say!"
José continues walking, but his face droops from exhaustion.
"How am I supposed to get across to her that I'm not interested... ugh..."
Just before José reaches the end of the third column, a nearby Kraktol pipes up. "Admiral! I'll definitely enter the First Group! Just you wait and-"
"Silence!" José barks. He turns to fire off a stink-eye at the Kraktol who spoke. "You are now a temporary member of the Terran Military Corps! When you stand at attention, you do not speak unless your superior officer asks you a question."
The Kraktol nods, then quickly straightens his posture. "Yes, Admiral."
"Good! Now that I've explained my goals to you all, let us continue with the rules for this tournament!"
Over the next twenty minutes, José paces up and down each column several times while all of the Kraktol stand at attention and listen to him silently. He outlines the tournament's guidelines, the loser and winner brackets, the rules for advancement, and so on.
At one point, Admiral Rodriguez stops at the end of the fifth row, where he finds a scrawny little male Kraktol, someone with numbers so pitiful that even one of the stronger Kessu could slap and bully him around if they wanted.
"You there. What is your name?"
The Kraktol glances at José, and his knees start to tremble. "I-it's Grundle, sir."
"Grundle? What kind of sorry-ass name is that?!" José yells. "Listen up, kid. You are the weakest, most pathetic Kraktol here. I don't even know how a sad sack like you ended up among so many fine, proud specimens. But I have good news! You can't possibly go any lower in the ranks, whelp! I expect to see you rise several positions by the time this tournament concludes. With hard work and discipline, even a loser like you can make it into the First Group. That's how incredible Terran training is! Do you understand me?"
Grundle nods nervously. "Y-yes, Admiral..."
"I can't hear you!"
"Yes, Admiral! Sir!"
José smiles. He smacks the kid's back and continues walking behind the Kraktol's ranks.
"Truth is, one of you has to be the worst. One of you has to be the best. If Grundle here does indeed make it out of last place, someone else will take his spot. That result will be sad, but expected. If you do find yourself in last place, but your combat prowess has also increased, then at the very least, you won't have wasted my time. Do I make myself clear?!"
"Yes, Admiral!" All nine hundred and fifty Kraktol shout.
"Fantastic. Well, what are we waiting for? Megla! Soren! Let the tournament begin!"
The hangar erupts in cheers, and everyone disperses, running back to their seats to eagerly await and see who will start the tournament. Minutes later, a holographic board appears, with a spiderweb of competitors all swirling inward until they reach a central position at the center of the web.
José looks at the starting entrants and sighs.
"Umi. Didn't I tell you to make the entrant's positions random?"
"Affirmative. I followed your orders, Admiral," Umi replies.
"Yeah. Sure you did."
The Admiral plunks down on a seat at the corner of the ring and cracks his neck.
"Here comes two weeks of fun, fun, fun."
Next Part
.......................................
Author Note:
If you liked what you just read, please consider subbing to my Patreon! I post patron-exclusive writing posts, with typically one post dedicated to TLP each month, and another to Cryopod. You help me survive long enough to not starve to death, and I give you fun things to read. It's a win-win! Check out some of those posts here and here!
Also consider reading The Cryopod to Hell, the primary story in the Cryoverse! Both TLP and TCTH are part of the Cryoverse, so they're deeply interlinked. You don't wanna miss either of them!
Thank you!

r/popheads AOTY 2020 #33 Chloe x Halle - Ungodly Hour

Release Date: June 12, 2020
Apple Music| Spotify
---
Hi everyone,
So I originally was not on the list to do an album write up (since I did not volunteer because I was lazy and didn't want to put the effort into doing a write up again like last year). However, after looking at the album list and seeing that Ungodly Hour, aka my 4th favorite album of the year by one of popheads new fan favorites, Chloe x Halle, was not there, I decided to ask the AOTY host and take it upon myself to do a write up for one of best albums of the year, and soon to be main pop girls (I am manifesting!).
Who are Chloe x Halle ?
Chloe and Halle Bailey are a sibling duo out of Georgia, USA, with Chloe being the older sibling (age 22) and Halle being the younger one (age 20). They first gained recognition through their Youtube Channel, where their covers of major pop songs (Rolling in the Deep, Wrecking Ball, Roar and Royals to name a few) shot them into the spotlight and were even crowned winners of Radio Disney's The Next Big Thing. Eventually they caught the attention of Beyonce (yes Beyonce) after they covered Pretty Hurts at the ages of 15 and 13 (imagine having this much talent at those ages..cannot relate), who signed them to her label Parkwood Entertainment.
Following their signing to Parkwood, they released their first EP Sugar Symphony followed by their mixtape The Two of Us. They started gaining more attention through their various performances including the 2016 BET Awards, the White House Easter Egg Roll and the 2017 NFL Draft. In 2017, they joined the cast of the tv show Grow-ish where they eventually became series regulars. Although this is the start of their acting careers, Halle's career is about to get even bigger as she was cast as Ariel in the Little Mermaid in 2019, which led to some controversy where people were angry that a black women couldn't play a fictional cartoon creature because the colour of her skin didn't match and she doesn't have red hair. As a side bar, after hearing her voice for the first time I think she is great casting as Ariel and her voice is perfectly suited for Ariel's songs and she is not too old or young as well.
In 2018, they finally released their debut album, The Kids are Alright. It was well received and earned them two Grammy nominations as well; Best Urban Contemporary and Best New Artist. With all the songs written by the duo and a lot of the songs produced by Chloe (along with some help from collaborators for a few tracks) this album show how capable and talented they are, and the musical diversity and potential they have.
The Journey to Ungodly Hour
On April 17, 2020 the duo released Catch Up featuring Swae Lee and Mike Will Made-It. However the debut single from the album was Do It which was released on May 14 followed by Forgive Me which was released the next day. When the album was finally released on June 12, it received critical acclaim and charted at number 16 on the Billboard 200 Album chart. From there, they continued to received a ton of praise through the various performances they did, a Grammy nomination for Best Progressive R&B album, and also making multiple year end lists for 2020.
The first time I learned about Chloe x Halle was not too long ago at the Super Bowl LII where they performed America the Beautiful. I was blown away by their vocals and harmonizing, and was also shocked to learn how old they were (and that they were younger than me!). I remember that Twitter was praising them so much and deservedly they received a lot of attention for that. For some reason I did not end up checking out their music after that, and I only came back around to them the day their album debuted, as I heard from friends and Twitter once again that it was excellent. And wow it definitely was. Ungodly Hour is a cohesive, fun and artistically impressive project.

Track by Track Review

Intro / Forgive Me
Don't ever ask for permission, Ask for forgiveness
The album kicks off with probably my favorite track(s); a hauntingly angelic Intro track which goes into Forgive Me. Forgive Me is a uptempo song with that infuses trap elements with Chloe x Halle's R&B vocals. The song is about moving on from a boy who has done them wrong and moving onto better things instead. They have wasted time on him and his lie and have cut him off to they can move on with their life. One reason I love this song is that the lyrics in combination the production and vocals are so intense and dramatic, creating an amazing build up throughout the song. Another thing I love is how well suited Chloe and Halle's vocals are to the parts they sing. Chloe has a much lower register compared to Halle and I think this song really plays into their vocal difference so well. Anyway, this song was addicting for me as it was a bop but such a unique one that no other artist could pull off.
Baby Girl
So don't you forget about
The little girl that you met now
The one that's in your spirit
She's still got your back, yeah
Baby Girl is a song about love and taking control of your world even when times are tough, even when you have seen shit and when you are feeling down. It is a song of encouragement and empowerment from the perspective being a girl, and channeling the spirit of your younger self to make it through whatever hard situation you are in. While I do enjoy this song a lot and the message it sends, there are much stronger tracks on this album which makes this end up being a filler track (if you had to pick filler on this album which is a big stretch as this album is super cohesive and I don't think anything could have been cut).
Do It
I'm just with the crew, We ain't out here looking for boo'
Cause some nights be better with you, It's a homies-only kind of mood
Do It is the most successful song from this album and essentially the lead single (Catch Up does not feel like the lead single I'm sorry). A major bop that is so catchy, this song is about just going out with your girls and just having a good time aka the perfect song to play while getting ready before you go out. This is probably their most "radio friendly" song but even with that, this song is very much them with their little harmonic sections and vocal overlays thrown into the song.
Do It also got a remix as well featuring Doja Cat, City Girls and Mulatto which also is super fun, although by this point I had listened to the original a lot so I preferred that.
Tipsy
You're strumming on my heartstrings, don't be dumb
If you love your little life, then don't fuck up
Tipsy is a carefree fun bop about ~~killing boys who break your heart~~ breaking it off guys who don't treat you right even if your are intoxicatedly in love with them. There is a feeling of scorn here as they make threats to the guy they are seeing, warning him not to mess up or he's gone from their life. The whole song basically plays on a metaphor of being drunk in love and when you are tipsy you can being having a great time but also act impulsively at any moment. This song is like a teeter-totter, flipping back and forth between being in love with your boo and hoping for this best, but one misstep will flip you to the other side and you could end up dead in the ground.
This song is definitely a top 3 song from the album for me. I love the exaggerated style of the song, and how it is littered with threats. Chloe x Halle also sound like they are having so much fun on the song and are playful yet not to be messed with in the song.
Ungodly Hour
When you don't have to think about it
Love me at the ungodly hour
Produced by Disclosure, this song is a self love anthem and choosing to not to fully commit unless the other person's heart is fully in it as well. The girls lament about how although they are smitten and enjoy being with their lover, they need to work on themselves first before they can love them at the 'ungodly hour', a time where insecurities are exposed and you are the most vulnerable. Chloe x Halle yearn for more from their lover, and their hesitation has left them in the cold, waiting for them to fully be in it before they can come over again.
This song is definitely one of the best tracks on the album and I would love the duo to continue to work with producers like Disclosure. Disclosure really elevates the song with their pulsing and smooth production. What they did on the song really compliments the melodies and harmonies that the girls have on the song and the elevates the song into a moody and spacey bop.
Busy Boy
That's why I don't play with you, I spend a little time, don't stay with you, I tell you what you wanna hear all the time Just because you're so damn fine
This song is about having a little fling with a man who fools around, but never fully committing into a relationship as he is not worth the time. I love how they call him out here and the cheekiest of the song, especially the chorus. The two of them really let loose on here and have lots of fun with the song. The man in this song and also in a lot of the other songs on the album is rumoured to be the girls Grow-ish co-star Diggy Simmons, who Chloe apparently had a relationship with (which neither confirmed but it's very likely they did), and as the song suggests was a busy boy indeed.
As Chloe once said in an interview: "What I love about creating music is that we can kind of just put our experiences in the music, and that’s how we share our personal lives."
Catch Up
I'm quick to move on, don't get it confused
I have a future with shit to lose
The one song with some features on the album (Swae-Lee and Mike Will Made-It), this song was actually the lead single as I mentioned earlier. It's a fine song and it continues with the theme of having a fling with a guy who isn't fully committed. Chloe and Halle's melodies are super interesting here and I do like Swae Lee's presence as a male voice although I think they could have done the song without him as well. Although not a favorite song on here, this song does make me want to see the girls work with other male hip hop artists and I think they could collab well with melodic artists such as Roddy Ricch or Travis Scott.
Overwhelmed
Holdin' my breath 'til my face turns blue, Head under waterBreathe deeply, they said
An interlude essentially, this song is Chloe x Halle flexing their harmonizing abilities while singing about being overwhelmed and stressed and trying to cope with it. I don't have much to say about this other than it is gorgeous and very relatable.
Lonely
It don't have to be lonely being alone
One of my personal favourites, Lonely is a song about embracing being by yourself, whether it's being single or if your friends are out and about. This song, although not intentionally, is a COVID pandemic anthem in my mind. In times where it is hard to go out and see family and friends or have close relationships you have to learn to be okay with being by yourself and finding peace with that. Even if there wasn't a global pandemic going on, I think the message still applies greatly in life. Some of us yearn so hard to be surrounded by people 24/7 or be in a relationship instead of being single and through this song, Chloe x Halle encourage us to learn more about ourselves when we are by ourselves, rather that seeking validation and constant contact from others. I know I keep saying this (and I will keep saying it forever) but their harmonies are amazing here and I think this is lyrically one of their strongest songs, which is why I think its one of their best tracks here.
Don't Make it Harder On Me
Don't make it harder on me
I told you not to love me
And now you're growing on me
One of, if not the best track for harmonies on this album, this song is an exuberant proclamation where the girls beg a guy to stop being sweet and nice and tempting them to go back to the guy. They have moved on from this guy and are just friends with him but there is still something in their hearts that draws them back to him and makes it hard to feel 100% moved on. I love the stripped back production with guitars and drums and how it builds into the chorus. Chloe and Halle's voices sound heavenly and this is definitely some of the best vocals they have on the album.
Wonder What She Thinks of Me
So tell me, tell me, baby I know this is crazy
You've done this before, so who are you to judge me? Me?
Probably the most haunting song on the album, this is a mid-temp song where Chloe and Halle reflect on being the other women in relationship. They yearn to be with this guy however they also ponder what the actual girlfriend thinks of them as she definitely knows the man is cheating on her with someone else. But they don't care, they love the guy and would continue being the other women, This is definitely the most risque song they have done but I love how they were bold enough to write this song from the 'mistress' perspective, as it's something that's not done too often. The stripped back production is super effective and the ramping up of the intensity of the song in the chorus is a great stylistic choice as well to emphasize the predicament they are in.
ROYL
Won't you live tonight? (For the rest of your life)
Could be paradise (Never know 'til you try)
The album closes with this triumphant track about Chloe x Halle wanting the person they are interested in to be with them for the night and to give things a shot. This I think is a perfect closer, and it wraps up the narrative that has been set up throughout the entire album of dealing with an on and off relationship the confusing feelings that have been exhibited throughout. This song is another one of my favorites from the album and I love the plucky production interwoven with with the trap beat. This is one of those songs I feel like you could shout from a rooftop and I love how the girls switch back and forth between talk-singing and giving it all with their vocals.

Notable Performances

Chloe x Halle in this era are know for being performers, and executing looks and visuals while giving out of this world vocals. Here are some of the highlights from this era that should definitely be checked out:

Final Thoughts
Ungodly Hour is a slick and tight project with themes of female empowerment, love, breaking hearts, getting heartbroken, not taking shit from men who are playing games with your heart and loving yourself first when you need to.
Chloe x Halle have really showcased their abilities and maturity through this album through their knack for melodies, harmonies, vocals and ability to write and also produce their own music. Beyonce knew exactly what they were capable of when they were signed to her label, and all the potential they have to become big stars. Although I would say this album is a breakout for them and has definitely garnered them a larger fanbase through places like popheads and word of mouth, I think in the next couple years they will become massive stars.
Questions for Discussion:

What are your favorite songs from the album?
What direction do you see Chloe x Halle going in for their next project? Do you ever think we will see solo projects from them?
In an interview recently, Chloe said she would love to work with Bree Runway (will PHCJ win? Stay tuned). What artists would you like to see them collaborate with?
Do you think they will be able to spawn a top 10 hit? Or do you see them continuing with being more low key and having critical success over commercial?

Pod-less Week: The Substitute Teacher of the Pod

Five Fantôme reviews: Dantalion, Kensington, Morozko, Ectoplasm, Astaroth

This is my first ever review so I hope it’s alright! I can be a bit rambly but I’ve tried to keep it relatively concise (by my standards, at least). I’m also not super experienced with perfumes so I don’t have the most sophisticated nose yet.
I had zero issues with the website and ordering process. Their website looks great and is easy to use. They even have a fun little quiz to offer recommendations if you’re unsure what you want to try. I did it and was recommended a perfume that ended up being my favourite from my order, so it seems like it works pretty well.
They offer free international shipping over $35, which is amazing. I live in the UK and I loved being able to shop without worrying about how much shipping would be. It shipped out within TAT, arrived fairly quickly, and was packaged well. It also came with the cutest tiny glass bottle with a benzoin sample inside, which I thought was really fun. I also love that none of their scents are limited edition - there's always anxiety as an international buyer about buying samples in time before seasonal scents are phased out because of long shipping times, and having everything be GC eliminates this worry entirely.
About my tastes: I’m still figuring it out but so far I tend to gravitate towards gourmands or gourmand-ish scents - warm with at least a little bit of sweetness to them. Right now my current favourites are Kyse Oui Plus & Macarons, Solstice Scents Snowmint Mallow, and Pulp Fragrance’s Bewitching Amber. My non-indie favourite is Amouage Interlude Woman.
Most of these reviews come with a major caveat: they did not last very well on me. I have super dry skin that tends to eat oils pretty quickly and I don’t expect a huge amount of throw for oil-based perfumes, but so far these are some of the worst I’ve had. I did end up buying a couple of the scents I liked in EDP form (isopropyl myristate/IPM rather than alcohol because I’m international) and they definitely do last longer and have better throw. If your skin eats oils, I would go straight for the EDPs.
Onto the actual perfume reviews! My flatmate was around when I was testing some of these, so I’ve put his opinions in when he offered them.

Dantalion

Creamy chai tea, obscuring mists, sandalwood, a plaster mask, clarifying ginger, carnations, dandelions, & a melted beeswax candle.
Starting off with my favourite! This is spicier, darker, deeper, woodier than a typical creamy chai latte type scent for sure but still retains a sweetness and creaminess. I mainly get a strong, smooth chai heavy on the cardamom, with sandalwood, ginger, and a hint of bright, spicy carnation. The ginger adds a shimmer of heat that I like, hovering around the edges with sort of a fuzzy, crackling sharpness. When I inhale, it almost feels hot. There’s a hazy quality to all the notes that I imagine is meant to be the obscuring mists. I don’t get dandelions or beeswax, and tbh I have no idea what plaster smells like so I couldn’t tell you either way for that. This is a fun scent, I really enjoy that it’s a gourmand but a little atmospheric too. It’s very unique in my collection.
Flatmate’s thoughts: “This smells like curry. Wait no, the little green things you get in curry. I don’t share your enthusiasm for this perfume.” (He meant cardamom)
Overall: a nice spicy chai with depth and heat, if you find chai scents a bit insipid usually then this might be a good bet. I might full size this at some point, in EDP form.

Kensington

Earl Grey tea, cashmere, dark vanilla bean, smooth cedar, dried rose petals, mandarin zest, pink peppercorn, and a burst of fresh bergamot.
Not going to mince words, I hate this. It’s aggressively soapy on me. It’s weird because I can smell the Earl Grey sort of flickering around underneath the soap/merging with the soap. A few times I was like, “Wait, does Earl grey actually just smell soapy and I never noticed?” Then I went to my kitchen cupboard to smell my Earl Grey tea as comparison. But no, it is just a soapy scent on me. I’ve rested it for a couple months and it’s the same, so I think it just doesn’t work with my skin. If I leave it on for longer than a minute or two I start to get a headache. I was probably most excited for this one too :( I love Earl Grey tea and have been hoping to find a perfume that captures it.
Flatmate opinion: “Fancy soap?” (In the perfume’s defence, he has also said this about a lot of perfumes that smell nothing like soap.)
Overall: soap, soap, and more soap. I scrubbed it off and I hate it, but based on other reviews this is probably more of a skin chemistry issue. Destashing.

Morozko

Smooth peppermint, cracking birch, nutmeg, biting winter wind, cold vanilla, black pepper.
This is a peppery, earthy mint-vanilla. Initially, the mint is quite strong (though not very sharp, just bold) and I get a sense of a cold wind rustling through trees. After it dries down, the vanilla emerges and it becomes more of a vanilla-mint + wood fragrance, still with that edge of pepper and that earthy undertone stopping it from being gourmand. The nutmeg also becomes more prominent once the mint recedes, though more of a background note to add texture to the vanilla.
It feels like being in a snowy forest but the snow is...vanilla & mint flavoured, and you can smell the earth underneath it. That’s a terrible description and I apologise. Comparing it to something like Solstice Scents Snowshoe Pass, that one is a lot sweeter, cleaner, and purer. If Snowshoe Pass is a pristine snowy vanilla morning, Morozko is a snowy vanilla mountain, trees and dirt and all. I kind of prefer Morozko, tbh.
Overall: a more atmospheric vanilla-mint fragrance grounded by a earthiness/a touch of spice. If you’re looking for a vanilla-mint fragrance but you’re not into gourmands, this might be a winner for you. I’m keeping the sample because I find it interesting, but not likely to FS as it’s just not the kind of thing I’d often wear.

Ectoplasm

Spooky, goopy marshmallow over bone-chilling white musk, sweet amber, a gossamer sugar glaze, dark myrrh, and creeping greenery.
This is interesting because it’s definitely marshmallow, but sort of a cold, sugary marshmallow with a green undertone. Not frozen, just chilled and vaguely threatening. It’s sweet but not cuddly and fluffy - it’s got the texture of like..marble, if that makes sense. Smooth and cold, with vines wrapped around it to add the chilly greenness. I’m finding it difficult to pick out individual notes, which is why this review is terrible/vague/more about the impressions I get than the notes I can smell.
Honestly, I’m not super into this. I like the marshmallow but the green undertone just isn’t doing it for me. I don’t hate it and I think it’s a cool perfume, but I doubt I’ll ever reach for it. I enjoy the concept more than the reality - I like that they’ve done a dark take on marshmallow, using something more associated with innocent, happy scents and making it spooky.
Flatmate opinion: "No, go away. Don't get it on me." I feel like I should really emphasise that he tends to hate perfume - Ectoplasm is not something most people would find offensively bad, imo.
Overall: kind of a horror movie gourmand! Like an ice-cold marshmallow stalking you through a garden at night as if you were prey, emotionless and unrelenting. It’s a nice scent but not for me, destashed.

Astaroth (my free sample)

Ripe peaches, pumpkin flesh over a bed of red musk, honey cakes drizzled with white chocolate, & roasted pistachios
Initially it’s syrupy and almost almond-y, though I’m not sure why as none of the notes are almond-related. Unless that’s the pistachios? Or the nutmeg? As it dries down, the almond vibe recedes and it becomes more of a peach & pumpkin scent. These aren’t fresh peaches and pumpkins though, there’s an overripe vibe to the way they smell and a musky undertone. They’ve been left too long in the fruit bowl and then smothered in syrup to disguise their over-ripeness. I don’t get the white chocolate as a distinct note but I think it’s adding a subtle creaminess to the blend. I almost like this but I also don’t like it at all.
This one lasted longer than the others - 5 hours later there was still a syrupy sweetness left on my skin. Throw was again not great.
Overall: also like a horror movie gourmand? I don’t know, it’s almost a creepy scent with its intense sweetness and over-ripeness. Like a peach with a role in a body horror movie. If that makes any sense. Also destashing this one.
--
I've been sitting on this review for so long that I don't own half the scents anymore - I’m destashing/have destashed most of these but that’s not at all a reflection on the quality of the scents! I tend to either FS or destash things and don’t usually keep samples around. Mostly because I hate using the little wandcap vials and don't want to decant scents I'm meh about into rollerballs. I’m also fairly picky, I won’t FS something unless I really like it and can see myself wearing it a lot. Not that that stops me from blind buying way too often.
Overall, I was very impressed with Fantome. They have such a diverse range of well-blended, unusual scents. The ones I picked were wildly different to one another in interesting ways - I don’t mind if scents don’t work on me as long as I’m not bored by them! Dantalion and Olwyn in particular were standouts (Olwyn will be in the next batch of reviews because otherwise this post would be way too long, along with The Fox Sisters, Kinmokusei, and Finist the Falcon).

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The SI Gambling team, along with our colleagues at the MMQB share their best bets against the spread for Super Bowl 55, along with a favorite proposition bet. 8 Fun Super Bowl Bets -- If You Don't Care About The Game. From the Puppy Bowl to the postgame show and everything in between! by Matt Landes. BuzzFeed Staff About 100 million people will tune in There are plenty of outside-the-box Super Bowl betting props to keep you entertained during -- and after -- the big game. Here are the best and most bizarre for 2021, from the coin toss to the The Super Bowl is the most-watched American event of the year, as both casual and Super Bowl 55 prop bets – Over 2.5 players to attempt a pass This one is a fairly cut and dry prop asking you to bet on whether or not a trick play will be attempted in the game. Predicting the outcomes of 9 fun Super Bowl 55 prop bets that have nothing to do with the game. Share this article 117 shares share tweet text email link Charles Curtis and Steven Watching Super Bowl 55 on Sunday but don't want to put any money on the game? Here is a printable prop bet scorecard for your Super Bowl watching. Hedge fun: Store owner bets $3.46M on Bucs Sure, you could just watch the Super Bowl, but what’s the fun in that? Instead, why not play along with this year’s version of The Washington Post’s Super Bowl prop-bet sheet? Of the 20 Chances are, any Super Bowl bets that have to do with the commercials are what we would call “sucker bets.” Be Careful Betting Super Bowl Futures The odds for your favorite team or some of the longshots are going to be extremely alluring, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a good idea to fire away. Whether or not you are a fan of either team, there are fun ways of watching the “game outside the game," also known as prop bets. Quick look: The best Super Bowl LIV prop bets for 2020:

Super Bowl 55 prop bets: These are the 10 to place money on

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LPT: If you want to make watching the Super Bowl more fun, but don’t know much about football, you can place a small bet on “the over” for the combined point total. That means you are rooting for both teams to score points, so you can hope for success on every play.

What are some fun embarrassing things two redditors can bet to have the loser do in a bet for the upcoming Super Bowl?

Super Bowl prop bets: 20 predictions for the most fun props

Super Bowl prop bets: 20 predictions for the most fun props

Super Bowl prop bets: 20 predictions for the most fun props

Super Bowl prop bets: 20 predictions for the most fun props

Super Bowl prop bets: 20 predictions for the most fun props

Super Bowl 2019 Odds, Line: Updated Point Spread, Betting Trends And Fun Facts For Patriots Vs. Rams

[Sports] - Super Bowl 2019: Odds, Vegas betting lines, moneyline and fun props for the NFL's thrilling climax

[Sports] - Super Bowl 2019: Odds, Vegas betting lines, moneyline and fun props for the NFL's thrilling climax | The Independent

[NFL] $5 Fun little prop bet for the Super Bowl.. Coin flip will be heads

Some fun prop bets and odds for your Super Bowl party.

A Draft Pick, Free Agent Signing and Trade Target for all 32 teams

Arizona Cardinals (8-8)

Atlanta Falcons (4-12)

Baltimore Ravens (11-5)

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Seattle Seahawks (12-4)

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (11-5)

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How to break Wall Street. And what to understand about GME and the markets.

Official r/NFL Week 14 Power Rankings

$EGLX.to - Epic eSports stock about to uplist to the Nasdaq

TLDR; EGLX.to is the single best pure-eSports play in the world.

Who the heck is Enthusiast Gaming?

Does anyone even watch video games?

Who are their competitors?

Who the hell is leading this little company?

But how do they profit?

Is it actually making money?

How do you know I will make the tendies though?

Final Fun facts:

Because of methadone, I had an amazing Super Bowl...

[Cryoverse] The Last Precursor 049: Assembling the Troops

r/popheads AOTY 2020 #33 Chloe x Halle - Ungodly Hour

Track by Track Review

Notable Performances

Pod-less Week: The Substitute Teacher of the Pod

Five Fantôme reviews: Dantalion, Kensington, Morozko, Ectoplasm, Astaroth

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