It has been said that the Mountain West conference is “At the Peak,” and to me, nothing illustrates that more, than the fact that there are 12 teams competing in the only NCAA Division 1 conference that sponsors e-sports. Of course, since the matches are played head-to-head, Boise State has an advantage because they tint the monitors blue, and play with all blue avatars; an advantage that is confirmed in their winning of League of Legends and Overwatch, but with the Spring season being cut, next year the Mountain West has announced that they will be playing Mario Kart 8, for the Nintendo Switch. Due to the large amounts of people in the Mountain West cities suddenly having $1200 burning a hole in their pocket, every store that sells Nintendo Switch has sold out of their allotment; yes, even, Amazon. So, thus the conundrum becomes: How can these players, prospects, and ordinary people practice in order to “git gud” as the gamers would say? Well, that’s where I come in. For, you see, since I am allowed out on the streets again, finally, due to both my prison sentence being cut short, and my work being determined to be “essential,” I had the time to scope out some places. Alas, while my cough and fever are not improving as much as I had hoped since I last got back from Italy, I did manage to find some time to visit all of the Mountain West cities in order to find the easiest place to get a Switch and Mario Kart 8 location. For simplicity’s sake, I am going by the football stadium since it’s a well-defined point in most locations – San José State fans, the football stadium is that big ovoid building at the corner of E Alma Ave, and S 7th St… It’s the place where the people aren’t on Saturday’s is September. Should you get hungry during your travels, I have also managed to find a some breakfast locations in the same vicinity

Mountain

Air Force

Okay, so I lied a little; I tried to get into the university, but, unfortunately the men with guns wouldn’t actually let me get beyond the gate on S Gate Rd, and I was still a little jet-lagged having just gotten in from Frankfurt after having woken up for my 0610 flight for the Linate to Frankfurt leg (stupid weather prevented the flight from Denver to ABQ, but my loss is your gain). So, while this may not be the closest, it certainly will fit the bill. Tyler-Jay Rowland who lives at 3075 Navigation Drive, in Colorado Springs was more than willing to help out, especially since his son, Jeremiah, was grounded for a month for staying out after curfew two weekends in a row. As the falcon flies, this location is 5.2 miles away; in a car, it’s not too much further than that.

Boise State

Now, I don’t, technically, hate the way that Boise is laid out with the river running right through the center of town, but even though Maci Drew lives in the Clearwater Apartments, unit 323, which is in a straight line, only a quarter of a mile from the stadium, you will have to go the Exxtramile, to get to her apartment. Also, she would like me to point out, that times for a waitress like herself are a little rough, so please, if you’re hungry, skip Taco Bell, and eat at the Bar Gernika in downtown Boise, right next to the Central Plaza and Century Link Arena. “We have wifi” she said.

Colorado State

This is, by far, the most remarkable location; I had completely forgotten that they moved to an on-campus stadium, so I initially went to the Hughes Stadium location, and found a big pile of dirt. And not much else – well, if you exclude the trees that formed a nice line, that brought me back to my college days. Having corrected my too old Garmin in-car GPS, I found Tim Thatcher on 604 Balsam Ln; he’s a little deaf, so you might need to knock like you are ram-ing down the door. He bought the Switch after his wife of 35 years died to help him grieve and spend his retirement, “but it’s just making me too sad lately, and I’ve never been very good at vid’ya [sic] games. I still don’t know how I’m supposed to save the princess when she’s trying to beat me… That reminds me of my princess, who I lost last year. She was so kind, we met in high school, I had an onion on my belt as was the style in those days. They didn't have any white onions, because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones.” I’ll be honest, at this point I started zoning out because, again, fever. He honestly looked really sad as I was talking to him, so you might want to try to cheer him up, since he’s just a lonely guy bein’ a dude. In a straight line distance, you’re only going .3 miles, and it’s not too much further by car.

New Mexico

This is by far the closest location to the stadium. The UNM Lobo Club is a non-essential business in the state of New Mexico, and UNM and the Athletics Department realized that funding would need to be cut dramatically throughout the state, and with the sweetheart deal they got from the legislature this year, they decided to close all athletic facilities, including the Maloof building, home of both Eddie Nuñez’s office, and the Lobo Club. I suggest using the side door closest to the field level entrance of the stadium. That’ll take you to the weight room; an alarm will go off, the code is “1892” the year the football team first played (interesting tidbit: the marching band was founded in 1889, the same year as the university); from there enter the main hallway, and go to the first door on the left after you pass the restrooms. The last time I was there, they had a vending machine that dispensed free Mountain Dew; I was howl-ing with laughter after I found that. Also, if you see Señor Manta, say “Hola!” he’s been down on his luck since his family were killed in the accident, and now he wanders the street like a lone Lobo.

Utah State

It was like a bomb went off. No one was around; maybe they were busy playing Farmer, or having a bonfire out in the dirt behind the stadium, wit their brown-eyed girls, but Jeff Field’s dorm room, Aggie Village Community building 17, first floor, third window from the right (he leaves it unlocked, so don’t worry about access) has a Switch just sitting there on the bed, as though he borrowed it from someone, but never managed to return it before he left. Go on, take it, just say that it was yours and he left it, no one will check.

Wyoming

Cowboys and Cowgirls are just different, I guess; I could not find a Nintendo Switch in town for the life of me. I found many Switchblades, Light switches, and many wooden rods, so I took my horse down to Cheyenne, and found a recently laid-off Subway Sandwich Artist called Dom, who knew just where to look. He directed me to 803 West 21st St, Suite B. He told me, “yeah, the guy who runs this storefront, has a little son, about 6 years old. He keeps a Switch in his desk’s keyboard tray for when he picks his son up from school.” Because of the ordeal in Laramie, I asked him to clarify, and he did, “yeah… Nintendo switch.” He said as he looked around shiftily. If that doesn’t work you can always try Suite C, I heard they stock Switches… oh wait, not that kind.” I was going to ask him for more information, but he entered what looked like an abandoned brick building just passed the railroad tracks, “You didn’t see me,” he said. And I also didn’t hear the gunshots that went off as I walked back to my car.

Table View

School	Distance Driving (mi)	Straight Line Distance (mi)	Drive/Drone Difference	Variance (from all schools)A
Air Force	8.44	5.22	3.22	0.047
Boise State	1.00	0.282	0.718	1.069
Colorado State	0.420	0.312	0.108	1.792
New Mexico	0.206	0.191	0.015	1.920
Utah State	0.444	0.305	0.139	1.751
Wyoming	47.90	40.69	7.21	4.894

A: Variance is calculated based upon DDD’s distance from the standard deviation of DDD… Why DDD? Because, DDD is King.

West

Note: SDSU currently does not field an Esports team; I am including them because it seems likely that they will in the near future

Hawai’i

Hawai’i is interesting because the Honolulu airport has a much better open air location than the El Paso airport; there’s a water path, it’s weird man, it reminds me a lot of the Tiki Room at Disn… oh, yeah, Hawai’i, Polynesia, that makes sense. Anyway, the stadium is home to the largest swap meet’s I’ve ever seen. Unfortunately, I did not find any Switches, but I did find a guy swapping Macadamia Nut cookies for a few dollars, so naturally, I bought some. It started to rain, so even though many people are Rainbow Warriors or Wahine, as the women prefer to be called, I am not. I stopped in at the ‘Aeia Public Library for a spell, and my phone was dead, so I needed a place to charge for a bit. The nice librarian, Akela (“it means graceful,” I was told. After I asked, “like the wolf-spirit in Hindi myths?”), pointed out, that, “We loan out all sorts of stuff here; pots, pans, sewing machines. Believe it or not, we even rent out video game systems. Our most popular is probably the Nintendo Switch, but we also have a couple of Xbox’s and PS4’s.” I guess I looked very shocked because Akela continued, “with the military surrounding us, we, the library system, get a lot of goods from contractors who don’t want to have a lot of their goods shipped back to the mainland.” Seeing how much it cost to ship out, I completely understood, and bid ¬¬Akela aloha, and failed the Hawai’I test by passing out at the nearest Embassy Suites, in Kapolei, if I remember correctly (I probably don’t, I was tired).

Fresno State

A nice cow brought me to Clovis. Much like what happened in Las Vegas, it was not the cool one, but instead the one in California. She (I saw udders), brought me specifically to 264 Clovis Ave, and said, “what you seek, from my master, is in there.” I’m not sure if it was my fever, jet-lag, a combination of them, or something else entirely, but then the cow vanished as though she was just a thing on the internet. A stray puppy passed by me in downtown, so that was probably the highlight of the trip.

Nevada (Reno)

Look, I’ll be honest, Reno to me always makes me feel like I’m going to be leaving the city without one or both of my kidneys. I don’t know why I expect Renoirs to chew my body like a Pack of Wolves, but there you are. Diedre Thomas of 128 Keystone Ave, fell on hard times. She poured herself a glass of vodka, neat, and said, “you can have anything you want,” she paused briefly to wink at me, “for the right price.” I specifically enquired about the Switch, “Anything,” she replied. She pulled out what appeared to be a small glass bowl that looked like an incense holder, and a baggie of chalk dust, and… Oh my god, she was going to smoke cocaine. Anyway, as she pulled out the pulled out the baggie, I hastily took my leave. I then went to the airport and went to my next stop….

Nevada – Las Vegas

Can you believe parents still bring their children, like elementary school aged children to Las Vegas. And it’s not the cool Las Vegas, in New Mexico, it’s the one in Nevada; well, I guess, technically they bring their kids to Paradise, and not Las Vegas, but c’mon man, there isn’t that much difference. Anyway, head to the Excalibur hotels because Carla, the housekeeper said that on average 3 Switches get left by guests every day. I then felt really depressed while walking around the hotel, so I left to check out the Mirage, where I normally stay on these Mountain West trips. I also learned that if there’s one thing that freaks me out more than the throngs of people walking the Strip, it’s when there’s nobody around. Once the new stadium gets completed it will be vastly easier to get to the casino than at the current location.

San Diego State

I stayed with Dominic, at his house of Friars Road. I was starting to feel sick to my stomach with the lack of green chile, so it was so enjoyable to spend time with a fellow New Mexican (and my roommate junior year). He took me on a little tour: Balboa Park’s stadium (home of the former Harbor Bowl, and the first tie in UNM Football history), the USS Midway, and Ocean Beach. I had forgotten about the assignment until I looked down at my feet and found a working Switch. When it was still there after an hour, I borrowed a small boat, realised, I need a bigger boat and headed out to the Ocean. Having claimed rights, I then put it back, so you might also find it.

San José State

Look, there are a lot of people who depart from the San Jose Airport. The kids who travel on these flights are slightly scatter-brained because of the adrenaline of taking a plane ride (and passing through the checkpoint), and leave some of their electronics, and I found a shoe! A shoe! Who only puts one shoe on and then walks-off? It was an adult shoe, so it’s not like a child/toddleparent left it, no, someone made a conscious decision to leave their shoe… Maybe it was a protest? Anyway, just tell the guy that you left your Switch at the checkpoint, if he asks you what color it was say, it had yellow grips that slide off, but the screen was bounded by black.

Table View

School	Distance Driving (mi)	Straight Line Distance (mi)	Drive/Drone Difference	Standard Deviation (all schools)A
Fresno State	4.46	3.28	1.18	0.644
Hawai’i	1.420	0.696	0.784	1.001
Nevada (Reno)	2.410	1.69	0.720	1.067
Nevada – Las Vegas (SBS)b	18.426	8.93	11.258
Nevada – Las Vegas (NVS)c	2.125	0.590	1.535	0.391
San Diego State	9.861	8.08	1.78	0.252
San José State	6.575	4.60	1.975	0.164

A: Variance is calculated based upon DDD’s distance from the standard deviation of DDD… Why DDD? Because, DDD is King.
b: Sam Boyd Stadium
c: New Vegas Stadium (Allegiant Field)

Conclusion

Even if the stores are sold out of Switches, there are always places you can go to get them, some are definitely within walking distance of your house, maybe even right next door. If you do choose to do that, there are a few things to keep in mind: 1. Milk 2. Eggs, specifically from Natural Grocers, if they still have member pricing. 3. Chicken thighs
Wait, that was my grocery list for last week.

1. Basque food is amazing.
2. The addresses are real, any businesses mention are real; the people mentioned or alluded to (with exception to the person who has an office in Clovis, CA; and Dominic in SD) are fake.
3. No, I do not know who lives at the addresses, and unless you can look it up in the phone book, I recommend that you don’t either. Please don’t bother them.
4. No, I am not sick… I have a lingering cough from allergies to junipemesquite pollen.
5. I have not visited Colorado Springs/Fort Collins/Laramie/Reno/San José/Honolulu, yet.
6. Information for the other cities comes from my memory
7. I remember when Park MGM was the Monte Carlo
8. Is Secret Pizza still at the Cosmo? I don’t remember seeing it the last time I was there, but that might have been because I was on the wrong floor.
9. Toss a coin to your witcher.
10. Normal people stop listing things at 10, but
11. This list goes up to 11.

AEW is, without a doubt, one of the most exciting prospects the wrestling industry has seen in the last decade. The critical acclaim of the Double or Nothing PPV feels like the start of something which might have seismic implications. With monthly events scheduled up to the end of August, and a weekly TV show starting in October, it is hoped by many that AEW will represent a refreshment of a product which - in the USA in particular - has become stale and lethargic. However, this cannot be the case if Double or Nothing was simply a flash in the pan, a freak accident as it were, but by AEW continuing to put on amazing shows and making the world sit up and take notice. Here’s how I think they should do just that for All Out.
This is the first of three parts covering my booking of AEW: All Out. Each part will cover 3 matches of a 9 match card; with the first part covering the two matches on the pre-show and the first match of the main show, the second part covering the next three matches on the main show, and the third and final part covering what could be described as the 3 “main events”. Each match will be sorted into The Build, covering everything relevant leading up to match between now and All Out, and The Match, covering what actually goes on at the PPV.
I really hope you enjoy it. And so, without further ado…
The pre-show begins with a video hype package. We see shots from All In, Double or Nothing, Fyter Fest and Fight for the Fallen. We hear voices over the top from various promos that have been posted on social media (primarily the AEW YouTube channel) since the formation of AEW. Each voice overlays a video segment in which someone is delivering a finisher, or attacking an opponent, or staring somebody down. The one thing that each voice segment has in common is that they all don’t mention the wrestlers explicitly, but could also be applied to AEW in general. It ends with Jon Moxley’s line: “This is what you call a paradigm shift” repeating over and over as more and more images of people in AEW flash on screen, with the last thing seen on screen being Moxley delivering Dirty Deeds to Kenny Omega in the ring at Double or Nothing.
The camera pans over the sell-out crowd in the Sears Center, who are white hot for the most anticipated PPV sequel since, probably, the Monday Night Wars. As with Double or Nothing, we only hear Excalibur and Alex Marvez introducing the event. We don’t yet see them, but instead the camera continues to wheel around the ring and show people in the crowd. Marvez and Excalibur start talking up the main card, trying to persuade people to buy the PPV when music hits, and the first match of the card begins.
Match 1 - Britt Baker vs Sadie Gibbs vs Bea Priestley
Build
One of the last matches announced in the run-up to Fyter Fest is Britt Baker, coming off her victory at Double or Nothing, in a single match with Nyla Rose. The match is announced by Brandi Rhodes on one of the last episodes of Being the Elite before the show in Daytona Beach. There is minimal build, but is made official to “ensure the fans at Fyter Fest see two of the best women AEW have to offer in action”, says Brandi. Baker posts a promo via the AEW YouTube channel, saying that she is looking forward to the match and that she will cement herself in the picture for the Women’s title by remaining unbeaten in AEW. At Fyter Fest, we see a pre-recorded interview with Nyla Rose, who claims it should have been her who won the match at Double or Nothing - blaming Brandi Rhodes for introducing Awesome Kong to eliminate her advantage. “But there won’t be anyone you can hide behind tonight Britt. Instead, at the end of the match, it’ll be you on the mat and me with my arm raised.”
During the match, the dynamic between the two wrestlers is a very familiar one: the struggle of the smaller, heroic babyface (Baker) against the odds of the larger, more powerful heel (Rose). Eventually, the match finishes after Baker is able to use her agility to avoid the worst of Rose’s maneuvers, and wears her down enough to hit a Rainbaker elbow, putting Rose down for the count.
Between Double or Nothing and Fight for the Fallen, we see more videos showcasing both Sadie Gibbs and Bea Priestley. Gibbs is primarily seen training in the ring, and hitting moves on her training partner, putting over the idea of her being fighter - someone whose technical ability and power makes her something to be feared in the ring. Meanwhile, Priestley focuses on her promo work, putting the AEW Women’s Division on notice. After doing so, Priestley and Baker start spurring off on Twitter, with the former saying that winning in a Women’s Division filled with nobodies (except for Nyla Rose who she says she has respect for) doesn’t matter, and the latter saying that she hasn’t turned up at AEW yet because she’s scared she’ll be beaten by Britt - a “nobody” in Priestley’s eyes. Meanwhile, we still don’t hear from Gibbs, we just see her continuing to train and showing off her strength. On the penultimate installment of Being the Elite before Fight for the Fallen, Brandi Rhodes is seen talking to Bea Priestley on speaker phone. After some back-and-forth, a Women’s Tag Team match is set up between Britt Baker and Kylie Rae vs Bea Priestley and Kyla Rose for the upcoming show.
At Fight for the Fallen, the Women’s Tag match goes on part way through the card. Priestley is given a good opportunity to show off some of her best moves in her AEW debut, but her and Rose struggle to see eye-to-eye at times - with both women wanting the chance to dole out punishment to their opponents. On the other hand, the team of Baker and Rae weather the storm across the ring from them, and start gathering momentum using the power of teamwork and friendship!. Kylie Rae is able to take Rose out of the match, hitting her with a stiff forearm that legitimately breaks her nose. As Rose bleeds from her face on the outside, Baker hits Priestley with an opportunistic Rainbaker elbow to pick up the win for the babyface team. After the match, Nyla Rose goes after Kylie Rae, ramming her back into the ring post at ringside. As Baker goes to make the save, music starts, and we see Sadie Gibbs and her trainer appear at the top of the ramp. She simply points to Baker, who stares up towards her, before being nailed across the back by Priestley. After Priestley stomps a hole in Baker, she leaves the ring just in time for Gibbs to enter. She picks up the battered Britt Baker and hits her with her finisher, a stiff roundhouse kick to the head, before heading towards the back.
In the build-up to All Out, AEW publish a video on their YouTube account showing Sadie Gibbs after her assault on Britt Baker at Fight for the Fallen. Her trainer acts as her mouth piece, declaring Gibbs the future of the AEW Women’s Division, the champion elect. She remains eerily silent, and simply smiles as her actions are described. Britt Baker releases a promo saying that she understands that winning the way she has means she has put a target on her back. “But that’s not something I’m ashamed of. In fact, I wouldn’t have it any other way.” She says that she’s in AEW to take on all comers. “Bea Priestley. Sadie Gibbs. Whoever. All that matters is that I will win again at All Out, and I will have one hand on the AEW Women’s title.” The next episode of Being the Elite, we see Brandi and Cody watching Baker’s promo video, and applauding her attitude. Cody says that, for him, only one thing makes sense. “All Out. Triple Threat match. Britt Baker… vs Bea Priestley… vs Sadie Gibbs.” The match is made official, and a week before the PPV it is announced that the match will be on the pre-show - “so that the whole world can see, for free, some of the best that AEW’s Women’s Division can offer.”
Match
Britt Baker makes her way to the ring first, followed by Priestley and then Gibbs (who is accompanied to the top of the ramp by her trainer). Each woman has their chance to show off their moves with each of the others, with Baker shown getting the best of Priestley, Priestley getting the best of Gibbs, and Gibbs getting the best of Baker. Excalibur and MArvez on commentary talk about how the match is finely poised, with the triple threat condition making a clear winner hard to determine. Throughout the match, Baker is the obvious babyface, whereas Gibbs is the tough-as-nails heel, who simply doesn’t care about the crowd. Priestley adopts the role of a tweener, acting more heelish when opposite Baker and more babyface-like when opposite Gibbs.
The match goes at a pace, and there are some nice spots of chain wrestling involving the three women. Part way through the match, Priestley seems to help Baker in a bid to remove Gibbs from the match, leaving Gibbs on the outside. Baker and Priestley wear each other down, both hitting some of their signature moves. Priestley is able to hit Baker with a Rolling Cutter and looks like she’ll pick up the pin, when a recovered Sadie Gibbs makes her way into the ring to break it up before starting to unleash offense on Priestley.
The match comes to a finish not long after. Gibbs and Priestley wear each other down, as Baker recovers. Gibbs seems like she’s going to be hit with a Rolling Cutter from Priestley but is able to dodge it and hit her with a series of strikes. Before she knows it, Priestly is hit by Gibbs’ roundhouse kick, and is laid out on the mat. As Gibbs taunts the crowd, before going for the pin, she doesn’t see Baker make her way back into the ring, and manages to turn into a Rainbaker elbow to her temple! Baker covers Priestley as Gibbs lies on the mat clutching her head. 1...2...3!
Britt Baker def. Sadie Gibbs and Bea Priestley
After the first match, Marvez and Excalibur praise the 3 women for their showing, saying that AEW are so proud of their Women’s Division they put some of the best they have in the opening match of the night. Excalibur introduces a pre-taped interview with Kylie Rae, the home-town girl, discussing and generally hyping up her match coming up later on in the evening on the main show. Then, they keep plugging the PPV, driving up that buy-rate, and keep hyping some of the other main card matches they haven’t done yet. Afterwards, we are shown another pre-recorded interview, this time done by Marvez with Tommy Dreamer and Penelope Ford, discussing the former’s match on the main card. Ford stands looking a mixture of angry and frightened, holding a trash can we can only assume is filled with weapons, decorated with a “Property of Tommy Dreamer” sign.
Following this second interview segment, Marvez and Excalibur they have a moment to introduce the second match of the pre-show, which begins shortly after.
Match 2 - Shawn Spears vs MJF
Build
One of the stand out heel performances at Double or Nothing was from MJF. It was at the show in Las Vegas that the seeds of this feud were sown, particularly in their entertaining altercation during the Casino Battle Royale. In the build-up to Fyter Fest, a promo from MJF is released in which he says that Fyter Fest is the start of MJF’s time in the spotlight. That he is the only reason people are excited for the Fatal Four-way match, that he’s making everyone else relevant by osmosis, that people will sit up and take notice of him. “I will get the respect that I deserve.”
At Fyter Fest, MJF puts in a good showing, especially with his heel work and taunting the crowd. He is targeted by everyone else in the match, but despite that is able to hold his own and even get a couple of near falls. The match is eventually won by Adam Page, who pins Jimmy Havoc.
Afterwards, MJF declares himself the MVP of the Fyter Fest match. He moves on by targeting someone he felt disrespected him at Double or Nothing - he wants Shawn Spears. He subsequently releases a vicious heel promo, with a proper shoot style, laying into his “failed career at that other company”.
At Fight for the Fallen, Spears is put in a match with Sammy Guevara, who he beats. As he goes to leave the ring after the match, MJF interrupts him, and the pair meet in the ring. The pair square off verbally until MJF goads Spears into accepting a match for All Out.
In the run-up to All Out, Spears comes out addressing some of MJF’s claims about his career, owning some of what has been said about him. He finishes by saying that AEW is the answer to all his ills. AEW YouTube releases a video where MJF is at a mansion soaking up sun and taunting Spears, claiming he and his life truly represent “The Perfect 10”.
Match
MJF comes to the ring first, followed by Spears. The face/heel dynamic is both clear and obvious, with MJF taking every opportunity he can to taunt the crowd. Initially, Spears has the advantage, until he lets his guard down and MJF capitalises. Spears fights back, but is pinned back continually by MJF.
The match ends after Spears has built up some serious momentum, hitting his signature offense whilst avoiding MJF’s. He picks his opponent up to hit his finisher but he is able to wriggle free. MJF attempts to get out of the ring, but is followed by Spears. MJF is able to hit his Hammerlock DDT finisher on the outside, roll Spears back into the ring and lock in an Armbar. A weakened Spears doesn’t have the energy to escape and promptly taps out.
MJF def. Shawn Spears
After the second match of the pre-show, the final three matches of the main card not already hyped up by Excalibur and Marvez are covered. When they get to the main event, to crown the inaugural AEW World Champion, we see footage from the weigh-in, where Chris Jericho punches Adam Page straight in the mouth. Following that, we see a third and final pre-recorded backstage interview, this time with Excalibur interviewing Adam Page. He is asked about Jericho’s actions at the weigh in and his chances this evening. Page insists he's gonna make Jericho pay for his cheap shot at the weigh-in and for everything he's done since Double or Nothing, and promises have everyone in attendance leave happy but finishing All Out as the inaugural AEW World champion.
With that, Excalibur and Marvez close the pre-show, promising that “you will not want to miss what happens this evening!” as the screen fades to black.
The All Out main show opens with a cinematic video segment. It’s voiced over by various members of The Elite, and focuses on AEW being the company everyone said was a no-starter, was doomed to fail, was going into a fight it couldn’t win. “But they forgot about you.” Kenny, the Bucks, and Cody each in turn address one of the points people said by saying that we, the audience and the crowd in attendance made it a starter, made it impossible to fail, made it capable of winning any and all fights it might come up against. “For you, we’re breaking down barriers. For you, we’re giving this industry the breath of fresh air it’s been robbed of for too long. For you, we are making history - and loving every second of it. Last year we said we were all in. This year, we say that you, you are AEW. And tonight, for you, we’re gonna go All Out”. The final shot is of Cody, adjusting his cufflinks, and smiling at the camera.
Then we hear the voice over in the classic voice: “And now... AEW presents…. All Out.”
Pyro goes off and we see the first shots of the staging and the entrance ramp, with its gorgeous set design. It’s not themed around anything in particular, but it’s angular and edgy and cool, and in AEW branded black and white. We glimpse the pair of entrances from the back, one for faces and one for heels, that featured at Double or Nothing. As the pyro stops, we hear a very familiar voice welcome the viewing audience.
“Good evening and welcome to AEW: All Out! My name is “Good Ole JR”, Jim Ross, and I am joined tonight by my broadcast partners Excalibur and Alex Marvez. This place is absolutely rockin’ tonight, wouldn’t you say?”
Marvez and Excalibur agree with him, and the three of them hype up some of the matches of the main card. The trio only get a minute or so of talking before music hits, and the first match of the main card begins.
Match 3 - SoCal Uncensored vs The Lucha Brothers
Build
After the actions of The Dark Order at Fyter Fest (explained in Part 2!), SoCal Uncensored are awarded the match at All Out for the first round bye in the Tag Team Tournament the week after the Daytona Beach show, due to them not being pinned. They release a promo saying that they deserve the opportunity, and that it doesn’t matter who they go up against at All Out: “We’re going to show the whole world that we are the best tag team in the entire world.” It is announced on an episode of Being the Elite that SCU will face the winner of another tag team match at Fight for the Fallen, pitting Angelico and Jack Evans against The Lucha Brothers.
At Fight for the Fallen, The Lucha Brothers win the match, after both teams provide an advert for the type of wrestling AAA is built around, and booking a place at All Out against SCU.
In the run-up to All Out, both teams only send out a single promo, each claiming to be worthy of being the face of AEW’s Tag Team Division and ready to be the first AEW Tag Team Champions. At this point The Lucha Brothers are still AAA Tag Team Champions, and so claim they will strive to add the AEW Championships to “their collection”. The match hasn’t got a complicated build at all - in fact it’s the simplest possible feud in wrestling: two (in this case, groups of) people, each convinced that they are the best, who are willing to try and prove that by winning.
Match
SoCal Uncensored make their way to the ring first, performing the same kind of mic work before the match that was so over at Double or Nothing. Daniels, Kazarian and Scorpio Sky lay into the more smarky Chicago crowd, setting themselves out as heels before the match begins. The Lucha Brothers enter and SCU simply watch them from ringside at first, eyes narrowed menacingly.
During the match, SCU is represented by Scorpio Sky and Christopher Daniels, with Kazarian helping to enforce the numbers game to attempt to drive home an advantage. Sky and Daniels are pinned back at first by Pentagon Jr, but are able to get a more firm handle on the match when Ray Fenix is tagged in. Kazarian runs interference on the outside, preventing the hot tag to Pentagon Jr not once but twice.
In the end, the Lucha Brothers quality shines through, and they are able to pick up the win. An exhausted Ray Fenix finally tags in Penta, who hits Scorpio Sky with a package piledriver to pick up the pinfall - earning themselves a first round bye in the inaugural Tag Team Tournament.
The Lucha Brothers def. SoCal Uncensored

THERE ARE NO SPOILERS IN THIS THREAD
Before I get started on this trip report, I want to say that this will be a very long report that I will most likely have to break up in chapters. I have so much to say and so much more to attempt to describe. This is currently known as the most impactful night I have ever lived through.
This entire trip was for my roommate Guyver, it was his birthday week and he is one of the biggest Star Wars fans that I personally know. I booked us a room in Vegas, and bought us two Star Wars IMAX 3D premiere tickets for his birthday. Excited cannot even begin to describe the hype leading up to this trip.
Chapter 1. "Preparation"
I wake up before my alarm clock goes off. I was unable to get much sleep the night before, despite the blunts and multiple dabs to assist me in my journey to an 8 hour slumber. I open my eyes, roll over as usual to pet my dog, check my phone, and see a text from (we will call her Ashley) Ashley wishing me and my roommate "Guyver" a safe and fun trip. She is such a sweetheart.
This girl Ashley is relatively new in my life. I am not usually the one to not only make new friends, but to actually care about them or want to spend time with them. Only about 2 or 3 weeks ago, we tripped together for the first time and I cannot even begin to tell you how amazing it was. I have never felt connected to someone like that before, this was also my first time tripping with a girl with only myself so I was a little scared about how it would go. But man was that trip amazing. She did not accompany me and Guyver on this trip, but knowing who Ashley is will matter I promise lol
I get out of bed, shower, feed Bishop (my dog) and smoke a little herb. The time now is about 6:45am and our plan is to hit the road at 7:00am. We go over our checklist before we head out. Weed, LSD, half a Xanax just in case shit goes south, wraps, a rolling tray and some other stoner "must have's" including plenty of Kendama's and Doritos.
Our bags are packed and we are good, I give Bishop some extra love, turn off all the lights, lock the door, take a deep breath and smiled. As I turned to Guyver, he was smiling just as big. At this moment I knew that we were down for whatever the night wanted to throw at us.
We take the short walk to my car and load everything in except the bad with the "goodies" in it. That bag stayed up front with us. We knew that if at any point in time if we get pulled over, all of the drugs would have to be ingested. Not interested in taking that chance. I turn the car on along with the seat heaters, turn on some music and off we go.
Chapter 2: "The Road"
Traveling with Guyver is extremely easy. He is by no means high maintenance, we like the same music and are interested in the same things for the most part. I never have to second guess traveling with this dude. He is one of my best friends for a reason.
2 hours of driving and a blunt later, we decide to make a stop at a cafe/diner in the middle of fucking nowhere. The only people that were in this cafe, were people who very obviously live in this town as well. Typical "middle of nowhere" staff there also. Our waiter was approximately 50-60 years old with pink and blue eye shadow on, complimenting her foundation that was definitely a few shades away from her actual skin color. Small coffee stains covered her apron and I immediately noticed that she had about 1/3 of her teeth missing as well.
This all felt like I was in an episode of Twilight. If you are familiar with anxiety, you know how easily these factors can build up into something unwanted. So I was slowly but surely starting to feel anxious.
To make matters worse, there was a gentleman that had to at least be 90 years old was sitting down alone talking to a waitress across the room about a guy being frozen in Texas. This obviously added to the list of shit that gives me anxiety. Guyver gets up to go wash his hands and to use the restroom. While he is away, the worst thing that could have happened.... happened. The old man got up from his booth and stood right next to me asking if I had heard about the guy who froze in Texas.
At this point I was on the brink of total freakout. So as politely as I could, I walked away without saying a word to collect myself. When I turned around, the old man had started to talk to another couple. I went back to our seats at the "bar" to wait for our food.
Guyver and I had both ordered the club sandwich with a side of fries (breakfast of champions). Let me tell you, that was by far the best club I have ever had. After we had finished eating, we decided that if we ever pass this place again, we will stop and eat. We paid our 50 year old, sad attempt at sexually appealing waitress and tip well.
Back in the car we go, we pull out our "oil pens" and have awesome conversations until we get to the hoover dam.
As we are approaching the Hoover Dam, I ask Guyver if he has ever been? "Na man, only in transformers" Guyver replies. I get excited, as every tourist should. We pull off to start heading to the Hoover Dam, we get about 3/4 of the way there when we both notice a sign that reads "Any and All vehicles are subject to search."
The look on Guyver's face was indescribable lmaooo he looked so frightened and I am sure I looked the same. We had quite a few years of prison in my backpack and I am NOT trying to go down at the fucking Hoover Dam. So we did the obvious, flip a U-turn and continue on to Las Vegas.
Chapter 3: "Arrival"
"Dude look you can fucking see the strip!" I exclaim as we round the last blind corner passing through the mountains. "Fuck dude there it is" replies Guyver. We approach our hotel and I cannot stop thinking about all of the awesome stuff that we are about to do that night.
We park at the New York New York parking garage, grab only our backpacks (just incase we weren't able to check in yet) and head into the hallway leading from the parking lot to the casino. We make our way to the front desk and fail to notice the HUGE line for check-in or check-out. I mean completely oblivious to the giant crowd. So I walk up to one of the idle concierges and ask for assistance, she looks over at the extensive line out of the corner of her eye, then back at me. She giggles and decides to boot up a computer to help us. Lets call her "Lilly".
During the time of checking in, Guyver is off to the side playing kendama and I have my kendama around my neck. Lilly immediately notices and say to me "Check-in is not til 3pm but if I can do that first try, I will let you guys check in now (1:12pm).
I hand her my kendama and to my surprise she almost gets the ball onto the spike first try. "My son is very good at this and we play together sometimes" Liiy states. "CLACK" I turn my eyes up to look from the form I was filling out and sure enough, Lilly got the spike! So being the wonderful and honorable lady that Lilly was, she let us check in early. We waved goodbye at the adorable asian woman and never see her again.
On our way up to the hotel room, we start noticing how amazing the fake architecture is inside of the building. The attention to detail Las Vegas puts into their casino's and resorts are just insane. I knew that at least visually... this will be a very pleasing trip. Little did I know... it would be far more "pleasing" than I ever had thought.
Chapter 4: "The Room" (part one)
As we are approaching our room door in the long, curvy hallway, I can't stop thinking about how crazy this night is going to be. We made it to the hotel in one piece and now the reality of it all is starting to set in, I couldn't be more excited.
I put the key card into the door and wait for the indicator that it's now unlocked. "Bleep Blee Bleep" rings the door after about 4 attempts to get it open. We walk into the room and the first thing I notice is the view overlooking a couple of other hotels and also the roller coaster.
Me and Guyver had already agreed that since we are staying at the New York New York, and they have buy one get one free passes for people who are staying at the hotel, we are DEFINITELY riding this thing at some point.
Anyways, we get all of our stuff in our backpacks off loaded, appreciate the view, turn the AC on full blast, and head back out to get the remaining items from the car.
We get back to the car, take a few hit off our oil pens and walk back to the room. The time is now approx 2:45pm and we have decided that since the movie starts at 11pm, we should ingest the tabs at 7pm. That way, we can trip for a solid 3 and a half hours before the movie started. Our plan was so prime, nothing could go wrong ;)
So in preparation for the night, we bust out the small bottle of Bacardi Limon and take a couple shots right off the bat. We unpack our bags and pull out the herb and blunt wraps. I also brought about a half gram of concentrate to put in the blunt. I broke down the tree, put it into the Garcia Vega wrap, placed the work of wax inside the blunt, and sealed it in.
Guyver and I pulled up two chairs and placed them right in front of the window overlooking the city while I sparked the blunt. We were sitting there smoking, talking plans and about how awesome the night is about to be.
I was genuinely confident that we would just have a super fun, easily navigable trip. It was my first time taking 2 tabs (230mg) and it was Guyver's first time taking 3 with no tolerance. But we figured it would be crazy, but mellow enough to just cruise and have an awesome time.
As we were smoking this blunt, Guyver had the idea to make a little music video for one of the songs off his unreleased EP. I agree and we set up the camera's and have a blast filming it. After the blunt, we gather our kendamas and camera's to head out to the strip while it's still day out.
We make our way out of the hotel on to the strip, not much was mentionable about this portion of the trip except the planning. After filming some super prime kendama "tricks" we devised a plan.
"The Plan"
The plan was simple... Take the tabs, come up, go on the rollercoaster, take the tram to madalay bay to see the aquarium, then the the Wyatt to watch the LED ceiling light show. Head back to the hotel, order out Uber, and get to the movie theatre. LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
So we decide to get back to the hotel room to try and get maybe about an hour or so to nap. I am laying down pretty tired still from the drive and Guyver and I fall asleep for about 40 min.
My alarm goes off... it's 6:45
Chapter 5 "Ingestion"
I take the small pieces of tin foil out of the bad and open them up. In the tin foil, was two Adventure Time tabs with Finn and Jake on them, and the other was 3 tabs with an odd, DMT visual patterned tabs. I place my two doses on the table along with Guyver's.
"Okay man... whatever happens we will be good dude. We just have to make sure we get to the theatre, that's really the only goal now."
"I know man, lets fucking do this." replied Guyver with an overload of nervousness and excitement in his voice.
I gave Guyver a huge, brotherly hug and we placed the small paper tabs with 115ug each of some of the purest LSD I can obtain into our mouthes. Shit eating grins smack us in our faces almost immediately. There is no going back now and we both knew that, but we thought we were 100% prepared.
Before we exit the hotel room, we make sure we have everything that we are going to need in our hands for the next 12 hours. This list included: Headphones, phones, sunglasses, a headphone splitter, oil pens, wallets, 3 cameras, and some other necessities. I was dressed in black dickies, brand new Airmax shoes, a fresh "Hundreds" hoodie with a puffy jacket/vest over the hoodie. I also had a black RVCA trucker hat on.
Guyver had on a pair of sunglasses, a windbreaker style trench coat with red and black plaid lining. An old star wars shirt, his huge 2 inch plugs for his ears, and sweatpants.
Chapter 6: "Come-Up"
I walk out of the hotel room of the New York New York in Las Vegas, I immediately start noticing subtle changes in my vision. I feel the awkward "warm" feeling in my jaw as we make out way to the elevator. We stop in the elevator lobby and as we are waiting I notice how awesome the floor patterns were. "No fucking way". I say as I cannot believe I am already starting to trip not even 20 min after the tabs had dissolved.
By the time we got out of the elevator, it was like someone turned the knob up to 8 on the trip meter. It was really strange how much harder I started to trip when the short ride down from the 24th floor to the lobby had ended.
I walk outside of the elevator and I am instantly hit with a plethora of lights, vibrating and glowing like something out of a trippy movie. At this point I am still 100% cognitive and aware of my surroundings. Guyer and myself made our way out to the main entrance of the casino out to the strip. We waddled our way over to a red metal table that was looked over by the insanely bright glowing lights of the New York New York and the Hershey's factory. The lights at this point were already significantly brighter than usual and starting to have a "palpable" glow to them. I had my headphones on listening to Cashmere Cat's "Paws" at that moment. I was just looking all around taking in how incredible everything looked. I look at Guyver and he has his Balaclava on to keep his face warm and his eyes were closed. I knew now that he was feeling it too.
As we were sitting outside in the 55 degree weather at about 8:15 we decide that we are definitely tripping hard enough to ride the rollercoaster. I have never taken a ride of any sort on psychedelics and I was actually very excited for this to happen.
We are bobbing and weaving our way through the traffic of miserable melting faces and the light so bright I almost had to squint. All the while me and Guyver are listening to our headphones separately with the biggest smiles you have ever seen on our faces.
We finally make it to the arcade... which is also the entrance to the roller coaster. This was my first time having to interact with a human.
"Umm... hi... how do we get on the rollercoaster please?" I say with my voice trembling, it is so difficult to formulate actual words at this point.
"Right around the corner of the neon coaster sign, you can pay there."
"t-thank you" I snicker trying my hardest not to burst out laughing.
I turn to Guyver with the new directions and relay them to him. I can tell the directions did not register properly, but it was okay.
"Dude that was so fucking hard to do" I whisper to Guyver.
This also didn't register with him correctly, I was met back with a blank stare and a laugh. Which then of course caused me to laugh back. Life is fucking great.
We are wading through this insane dome full of bright arcade games, kids smiling and running around, etc. We arrive at the paying point for the roller coaster and I can see that there are only about 8 other people that are getting on it as well. This was a comforting sight.
Chapter 7 "Let Go"
We take our seats at the back of the roller coaster to avoid any kind of unwanted attention. I then suddenly realize a bit too late that I still have my hat on and literally everything I had in my pockets of my pants and jackets. A slight panic set in as I had my phone, wallet, headphones, etc in my pockets and I knew this coaster had a loop. "Dude hold the fuck up I have everything in my pockets still!" Guyver whispers aggressively. I turn to the skinny miserable man working the coaster and ask if it's okay to put our stuff on the side? "Na man just hold on to it you will be good".
CLICK
The coaster starts to move forward instantly after that skinny fuck gave me the opposite answer I was searching for.
I feel this insane rush of adrenaline coarsing through my body, very euphoric but I was so fucking scared I was going to lose my things. I could not focus on what I should do about my items, this thought turned into panic again and at this point we began the climb to the top of the coaster.
I look over at Guyver and he is NOT having a good time at this point, which did not help my case either. Then all of a sudden, that insane rush of adrenaline faded away. As we were climbing up the coaster, I was comforted by a sense of "not being in control".
My personal outlook on roller coasters, even before psychedelics has always been: "One of two things can happen on a roller coaster... you wither die, or you don't. When you do live through that experience, it's usually just a fun story to tell afterwards."
I have never felt that feeling be so literal in my life. This entire rollercoaster is just a huge metaphor for life. Sometimes you aren't in control and sometimes, that is OKAY. Sometimes you just have to stop worrying and let go. Enjoy the wind in your face and the fact that you're on top of this roller coaster overlooking this beautiful city rather than worrying about my hat the whole time. This was the first beautiful moment that I experienced.
This was all in the matter of time it took the roller coaster to get to the top of the first drop.
When I got to the top of the coaster, my body was FORCING screams out of it. I was so fucking excited to finally be on this rollercoaster while on these amazing substances. The drop was insane, the next 45 seconds were quite possible the most intensely exciting moments of my life. Pure adventure, the kind of adventure that is so innocent. Guiltless entertainment if you would. I honestly cannot find the words to accurately describe how good it felt to just let go and enjoy that damn roller coaster.
After the coaster came to a stop, I was still audibly projecting "Oh my fucking god man, that was so nuts... I was NOT ready for that shit hahahahahah" probably about 3 times in a row. It was so hard to process what just happened.
I get out of my seat and decide it may be a good idea just to check and see if anything fell out on the seat. Wouldn't you know it... my phone was there lol
I pick my phone up, Guyver and myself headed out of the arcade to make our way outside to see the aquarium at Mandalay Bay.
Chapter 8: Feel Trip
Guyver and I walk out of the casino through a different exit than the first time that led us to the red tables. We took the side exit and started to make our way towards excalibur. During our walk there, I started to have a hard time knowing where I was. It would eventually come back to me, but I felt like I was losing track of where I was geographically.
We made it to the tram, we took the tram to Excalibur, which was close to Mandalay Bay. VERY exciting thought for me at the time. I was still feeling a little off because I didn't really remember where we were. But we took the tram to Excalibur and exited. I am so unsure if we are in the right place but Guyver just assured me that we were good and we continued our journey to the aquarium.
We make our way past the hotel valet section and now I am tripping extremely hard. I have surpassed the "level" of tripping I am used to b by about 2 fold at this point.
"Sundara" by ODESZA comes on in my headphones, the melodic house beat is slowly making it's way into my ears and I do not hate it because I know how awesome the rest of the song is. At one point in the song about 45 seconds in, the house beat stops and is followed by a very ambient, slow, beautiful melody and carries out that way for the rest of the song.
When this part of the song came on, I was 100% overwhelmed by visual beauty and appreciation. I was looking straight at the Pyramid hotel, only it was as night so there were hundreds of lights worming around the pyramid all the way to the top. At the top, there is an opening that shoots out a spotlight that is so bright, you can literally see it from space. This was the single most beautiful thing I have ever witnessed. I wish I would let you all borrow my eyes so you could witness this indescribable beauty. Not only how beautiful it was, but the FEELINGS that came along with it.
I was feeling so fucking grateful to be alive. I started thinking about how far I have come mentally in the past year, about the people I have lost and met along the way. Which brought me to thinking about that girl I told you about, Ashley.
For the longest time I have been emotionally unavailable to females as far as attraction, trust, and relationship goes. I have become a very self centered person and love the company of my own mind. What I am describing is in no way negative, it's just the way I like it to be. I don't waste my time with people I don't connect with, or who annoy me, etc. Which ends up being almost everyone.
This girl though, it is strange. In the midst of this positive emotional breakdown, I found myself thinking about her. Thinking about how I shouldn't be so scared to let her in. About how amazing my time spent with her thus far has been, nothing but good vibes, beautiful smiles and laughter. She is one of VERY few people in my life that do not judge me. "Your way of thinking is beautiful" she said to me once. That crossed my mind like a track on repeat. No one has ever been so kind and accepting of me, no matter how nerdy or weird I am. Not to mention she is absolutely gorgeous, way prettier than I deserve 100%.
I was just absolutely overwhelmed with all of these thoughts about Ashley, and how appreciative of life I had become and how I am no longer a depressed young man on the brink of ceasing to exist. I told myself not to be so scared, to let life happen.
So this realization was an immense one, and it continued on for about 20 minutes straight. I could not stop thinking about life and its wonders. I couldn't stop thinking about Ashley and how she doesn't even have to acknowledge me as a person, and yet she is the sweetest woman in the world to me. The list goes on and on about all of the thought process's I was having about everything.
Unfortunately, this also completely negated my ability to think outside of my own mind. I was completely lost, crying on the ramp leading down to the Pyramid. We were both lost, not knowing where the fuck the aquarium is anymore.
"Yo are you alright?" Guyver asks. "Yea man, this is just so fucking beautiful dude, I can't think right now."
"What do you mean you can't think?" Replied Guyver.
"I just don't know where I am or anything right now dude, I am lost."
"Follow me" Guyver says.
I can tell that his demeanor changed almost instantaneously, much more confident. Well at least one of us was. "Let's just get back to the room man and regroup." I nod my head in approval, and off we go.
Chapter 9 "Long Trek"
Guyver is leading me through a river of lights, peoples faces are continuously twisting and morphing. Slot machine characters became 3D and looked like I could high five them, shit was getting super intense.
Guyver and I had to stop numerous times to try and get our bearing on where the fuck we were. I was sure that we were never going to get back to the hotel room.
We get back on the Tram to take us back to Excalibur, so that we can walk straight across the bridge to New York New York, at least that's what he was telling me. We get on the tram, I am sweating my fucking dick off and we are sharing the cart with 3 other people. Extremely awkward by the way.
We get off and start walking towards the strip, this time there isn't even the slightest of knowing where we were. I was so turned around and tripping so fucking hard I literally couldn't even for a thought other than "OH MY GOD".
Guyver thankfully realized that we got off on the wrong stop and guided us back to the tram with surprising ease. After the third and final tram ride, we get off and make our way through the casino trying to find our elevators to our hotel.
When I was walking through this sea of people I was looking at everyone and time seemed to slow down. I felt like I could analyze their exact feelings at the moment, and in these moments everyone just looked disgusting. I saw greed and frustration written over every sloppy drunk bitches face. Every drunk meat head that lost his last $40 on a game of blackjack, now pissed off and walking around like a human bowling ball because he can't but a Red Bull for the broke drive home. I saw, sadness... immense sadness. Only this time I did not feel bad for these people, I said fuck these people. I never ever want to look like any of these miserable humans. Let this be the motivation to maintain happiness is what I was thinking.
"DUDE FUCK YES!!" screamed Guyver as we finally found our elevators to take us up to our floor. I can barely stand it feels like and I cannot wait to get into our room to recoup.
Chapter 10: "The Room" (Part 2)
I weasel through the twisted hallway, bumping into the sides of the walls to keep my balance. I finally reach the door, and I get out the keycard. When I look up at the door to insert the key card, I was smacked with constantly changing patterns on this door. I couldn't look away, yet I was still trying to get the card into the door. The pattern on the door was morphing and melting right in front of me.
I finally got the card to go in, and boom, we are back in the room.
The minute we open the door we smell the weed and start laughing hysterically, good weed. Before I could even take my jacket off, I looked in the mirror. The only way I could possibly describe what my face was doing, and what it looked like, is to compare it to the dreamscope app. My face had moving patterns forming on it in the shape of like old ass weird symbolic mini hieroglyphics. It was so bizarre, especially since I have never tripped this damn hard.
So I take my jacket off and go into the restroom, pull my pants all the way down and sit. I do NOT trust myself to try and piss standing up at this point lol
I get my phone out and I record myself saying literally nothing hahaha and so I turned my phone off and was stuck on that toilet for about 5 min. I couldn't stop looking at all of the marble designs on the walls of the bathroom, and the lighting was so crazy I just couldn't understand how it was all looking like this.
Eventually I get out of that bathroom and go lay down. Every single thing I look at is again, morphing and shifting. I was having my first TRUE psychedelic experience with LSD. It was INTENSE.
There is not a whole lot of detail to discuss about the room other than we were just getting lost over and over again in that room trying to get the fuck out so we can order our Lyft to see Star Wars. I eventually have to take the reins and lead us out of that room.
I gave what I thought to be a pretty fucking inspirational speech so to say. That brought us back into the reality of us being late to the movie. But before I did, I snapchat Ashley... I still have no idea what I sent to her or what have you, but she sent back nothing short of the sweetest thing ever. She is awesome.
Anyways, we get all of our shit together, double check our belongings, and we are finally good to go.
Chapter 11: "Uber"
We have an incredibly hard time finding an exit door to our hotel room now. I know that they have designated pickup areas for Uber and Lyft, I coulnd't find one to save my life. So we found our way out into the valte parking lot again and tried to request the Lyft. Only now, I had to put my credit card info in... this was so fucking difficult. I was shaking from the cold, couldn't see the numbers on the card cause they wouldn't stop moving. Life was in fucking shambles right now lol. So I eventually give up on trying to order a Lyft, I wanted to use Lyft since I have $50 free credits. But all in all... fuck Lyft so hard.
I got extremely irritated and just opened the Uber app and ordered one. I then saw a cop staring straight at me and Guyver. I did one of the most ridiculously stupid thing ever. I walked straight up to the cop and asked him, with my pupils as big as a fucking saucer "Hey where do the Uber drivers pick up?"
He replied with some crazy fucked up directions that I didn't respond to because I was so thrown off by the way this cop talked. Idk if he was deaf and use hearing aids, or if he had a stroke or what the deal was. He looked at me and knew I was lost in his words.
"I'm just trying to get out of this hotel, I am nowhere near sober enough to follow those directions."
"Tell you what, just tell em to come up here and pick you up, you guys have a safe night." The cop replies surprisingly.
I call the Uber driver right away and let him know we are in the Valet. We get into the Uber and shut the door.
I knew right away this is going to be awkward because I pretty much told the driver right away. "hey man, thank you so much for coming to get us. I literally have no idea what is going on but we need to get to AMC. Do you have the directions?" "Yes sir we are good" he replies. During the ride he is asking the typical small talk questions. Where are you guys from? How was our night? Any luck with the ladies etc etc. needless to say it was a pleasant ride that got us to our ultimate destination... STAR WARS!
We exit the Uber, I express my gratitude again and off we go.
Chapter 12: "Concessions"
Guyver and I walk up to the ticket counter, sweaty as all hell. Barely able to comprehend what it is i'm supposed to be doing. I take about 2 minutes to pull up our online ticket confirmation and I show it to the ticket dude.
The scanner isn't working and it is now 11:05 on an 11:00 showing. I start to get super nervous thinking something went wrong with the tickets, but eventually, all is well and we enter the movie theatre.
We get our spot in line for a couple of Coca-Cola's. At this time, there was this man with his buddy in front of us in line. This is one of those dudes that is not handsome, has spiky hair (OBVIOUSLY DYED), most likely about 32-35 years old, probably talks about how good he used to be at motocross when he was 18 kind of guy. The kind of guy I hate, and he was being so fucking disgustingly obnoxious and attention seeking.
I usually don't feel anger or rage when I trip but this time it was absolutely unavoidable. I started to think about how bad I wanted to fuck this dude up and shove his straw down his throat for acting like a douche bag. But I regressed, they got their orders and left. All was good.
It was my turn to order, I casually order two cokes, not stumbling too too hard anymore over my words but I cannot bring myself to look at the young lady taking my order. I am way too self conscious about how gone I look at the moment. Guyver and I take our sodas and go over to the soda machine.
This is one of the new machines that let you pick pretty much whatever soda your heart ever desired. This will go down as the hardest decision I have ever made on LSD.
I eventually went with Vanilla Coke just in case you were wondering.
After we had our drinks filled, tickets in hand, everything we needed to go into the theatre. Now I was lost again, I had no idea what we were supposed to be doing. I had forgot that we came here to see a movie. Guyver guided us into the movie and found our seats.
Chapter 13: "The Movie"
This AMC was one of those prime ass ones that had leather seats that recline and all that cool shit. I was so impressed by how comfy they were. I was sitting at the end of the aisle and Guyver was to my left sitting next to a couple.
At this point I have never felt like this before. The movie was playing but I had no idea what was going on. The movie never made sense to me, Guyver was laughing but I was getting worried that we were gonna get kicked out of the movie cause he was laughing so loud. I started to feel like I wasn't even supposed to be there in that movie. I didn't know what was happening around me, if the Coca Cola tasted good or not, I was freaking out.
I whispered to Guyver that I don't know what's happening and he offers to go outside with me. We walk outside and I start to get emotional. There is no other way to describe how I was feeling other than "I just didn't know anything".
For the first time in my life I felt completely vulnerable, tp the point that if someone wanted to come take everything I had there wasn't a single thing I could do about it. I was so lost in my own head. "Dude I just want to make sure you're having a good time, cause I am so lost brother."
" I am man for sure, are YOU okay though?" replied Guyver.
"Idk man, I literally don't know what is happening right now, are we supposed to be in that theatre? I bought these tickets right? Is this a funny movie or not? Etc." These are some of the questions I kept thinking to myself and I was losing it.
Then I just screamed "FUCK IT!" "Lets just go inside the theatre and I am just going to sit down until the lights come on dude, I am losing it okay? This whole thing is for you man, this is your birthday present and i just want to make sure you're having a good time man." I said with eyes full of tears.
"Okay brother let's do this" Guyver replies as he guides me inside and we both take out seats in the handicap chairs since no one is sitting in them. This made me significantly more comfortable knowing that there wasn't anyone behind us.
I am still feeling so lost and confused but I am gritting my teeth through it all. Eventually, a undeniably funny part of the movie came on and I was able to hear everyone in the theatre laughing. I felt like I could laugh too since everyone was doing it obviously so I laughed along. That is the point where I was able to calm down and enjoy the rest of the movie.
By the way, the new Star Wars is so fucking epic it's insane lol. The cinematography was so amazing and not to mention the Imax 3D that we were watching it in. Truly an experience of a lifetime that I will never forget.
After several moments of crying, being scared shitless of the new Star Wars villain, the movie came to an end.
Chapter 14: "Lets Get Back"
After the movie, me and Guyver were standing outside. I was trying to get this stupid fucking Lyft app to work but I was still tripping a little too hard to try bothering with it. So I just ordered another Uber.
While we are waiting for the Uber, me and Guyver are discussing all of the crazy events that have led up to this moment. How I was still definitely tripping and I just wanted to get back to the hotel now. Guyver agree'd and we waited on the Uber.
We finally get into the Uber and have a comfy, warm ride home back to NY NY. The ride was very humbling as the driver was speaking about how he has 3 kids and that Uber is such a blessing allowing him to work his own hours to get that extra couple hundred dollars a check to provide for his family. I began to tear up and had to look away. People's lives are so different from one another and I can always tell when someone is sincere. This man was exactly what I needed to witness to feel that overwhelming sense of appreciation again. It was wonderful. I said my goodbyes to the Uber driver and I started the walk back to the hotel.
If didn't take us nearly as long as it did previously to get back to the room, but it was still no easy feat.
Chapter 13: "Blunts and the Comedown"
We get back to our room, hotel door still moving slightly and making me giggle. I walk into that hotel room and have never felt so relieved in my life. I immediately take my clothes off and lay down in the bed. CEV's are still pretty present but I don't mind at all.
"Dude do we have any blunt wraps?" Guyver asks. "No dude we don't but we should."
"Ughhhhhh fuckkkkkk okay i'll go get one"
"We will go fucking get one" I say hesitantly.
We both get dressed AGAIN, plug in our headphones and start back out to find a blunt. We walked WAYYYYY too far in search of a blunt and the only thing we could find was these nasty ass chocolate Zig Zags. ( I fucking hate swishers and zig zags, white owls, etc.) But I said fuck it, we bought the wraps and headed back to the room.
We get back to the room, I break down the weed and start to try and roll up. Now I am not trying to toot my own horn... but I can roll the shit out of a blunt. But at the end of this trip in Las Vegas... I was defeated. I wasted both of the blunt wraps trying to roll up and we just ended up smoking out of my pipe till our throats hurt.
We smoked til we got tired and I had layed down again. I was just laying there, thinking about my life, about home, my dog, Ashley and all the wonderful things in my life that attribute to this happy state of mind I have finally reached.
Me and Guyver watch some of the videos we took throughout the trip and cannot stop laughing at how hard we were tripping on video. We eventually got tired at about 4:30 but didn't end up falling asleep til about 6 or so.
We woke up, went down to the buy one get one free breaksfast, which turned out to have a whole bunch of special rules and shit that was far too confusing for me to deal with still.
We ditch the buffet, check out and hit the road. We survived the night and lost not ONE item.
Mission Complete.
This was not revised in any way, I don't plan on going back and proof reading. This is my recollection of my night in Vegas with my best friend. I hope you enjoyed the read! Safe Travels!
-Yeee

MYSTÈRE BY CIRQUE DU SOLEIL
Location: Mystère Theatre, Treasure Island - TI Phone: 1-866-983-4279 Mystère by Cirque du Soleil provides a complete spectrum of awe-inducing entertainment with colorful sets, imaginative costumes and highly-skilled performers. Show Type: Cirque du Soleil, Production SELECT A DATE AND TIME DATE DAY AVAILABLE TIMES
November 18 Saturday 7:00PM
9:30PM
$67
November 19 Sunday 7:00PM
9:30PM
$67
MAS INFO
MICHAEL JACKSON ONE BY CIRQUE DU SOLEIL Location: Mandalay Bay Theatre, Mandalay Bay Phone: 1-866-983-4279 Combining dance, music and awe-inspiring visuals, Michael Jackson ONE by Cirque du Soleil brings alive Jackson's creative genius in a new adventure. Show Type: Cirque du Soleil, Musicals, Production SELECT A DATE AND TIME DATE DAY AVAILABLE TIMES
November 18 Saturday 7:00PM
9:30PM
$90
November 19 Sunday 7:00PM
9:30PM
$90
MAS INFO
CÉLINE DION (1004 customer reviews) Location: The Colosseum, Caesars Palace Phone: 1-866-983-4279 Catch Céline Dion perform her repertoire of hits mixed with timeless classics that pay tribute to some of the most celebrated songs of all time in her residency show at Caesars Palace. Show Type: Concerts SELECT A DATE AND TIME DATE DAY AVAILABLE TIMES
November 18 Saturday 7:30PM
$102 MAS INFO
DONNY & MARIE from 73 Best Price Guarantee Booked in the last 4 minutes (1144 customer reviews) Location: Donny & Marie Showroom, Flamingo Phone: 1-866-983-4279 Donny and Marie is a family-friendly show that follows the winning formula of their 1970s TV program, incorporating dancing, humor and plenty of their hit songs and current chart-toppers. Show Type: Concerts SELECT A DATE AND TIME DATE DAY AVAILABLE TIMES
November 18 Saturday 7:30PM $73
MAS INFO
TOURNAMENT OF KINGS from 73 (329 customer reviews) Location: King Arthur's Arena, Excalibur Phone: 1-866-983-4279 The medieval-themed Tournament of Kings combines arena-style entertainment like jousting and sword fighting with a bacchanalian feast befitting a king. Show Type: Production SELECT A DATE AND TIME DATE DAY AVAILABLE TIMES
November 18 Saturday 6:00PM
8:30PM
$73
November 19 Sunday 6:00PM
$73 MAS INFO
HUMAN NATURE JUKEBOX from 67 Best Price Guarantee Booked in the last 2 hours (777 customer reviews) Location: Sands Showroom, Venetian Phone: 1-866-983-4279 Human Nature effortlessly mixes Pop classics with Doo-Wop, Motown, Soul standards and more in Jukebox – The Ultimate Playlist LIVE! Show Type: Concerts SELECT A DATE AND TIME DATE DAY AVAILABLE TIMES
November 18 Saturday 7:00PM
$67
MAS INFO
Thunder From Down Under from 46 Best Price Guarantee Booked in the last 56 minutes (260 customer reviews) Location: Thunder From Down Under Showroom, Excalibur Phone: 1-866-983-4279 The Australian all-male dance revue Thunder from Down Under is a feast of flesh and fantasy for women, providing a night of raucous fun for everyone. Show Type: Adult, Production SELECT A DATE AND TIME DATE DAY AVAILABLE TIMES
November 18 Saturday 9:00PM
11:00PM
$63
November 19 Sunday 9:00PM $46
MAS INFO
THE RAT PACK IS BACK! from 60 Best Price Guarantee Booked in the last 51 minutes (449 customer reviews) Location: Copa Room, Tuscany Suites & Casino Phone: 1-866-983-4279 Relive the glory days of Vegas with the iconic Rat Pack as they are celebrated in this this international hit show. Show Type: Impersonators, Tribute SELECT A DATE AND TIME DATE DAY AVAILABLE TIMES
November 18 Saturday 7:30PM
$60
MAS INFO
The Strip
The Strip Share: The 2.5-mile-long central section of Las Vegas Boulevard, which runs through the city from northeast to southwest, known as The Strip, is lined with huge entertainment palaces, many built with a defining theme and home to performance venues, luxury hotel rooms, and fine dining. The Strip is particularly impressive at night, when the city is illuminated by an endless succession of glittering neon signs. Most visitors enjoy walking along the Strip and taking in the sights. Generally speaking, the Las Vegas Strip runs from the Mandalay Bay Hotel to the Treasure Island Hotel. Many of the hotel complexes have free street side entertainment, from dancing fountains to erupting volcanoes. To truly experience Las Vegas, stay on The Strip, preferably at one of the major resorts. For a look at some of the best accommodation options in a variety of price ranges, see our recommended hotels.
Fremont Street Experience
Fremont Street Experience Allie_Caulfield Share: Off The Strip, in the old downtown Las Vegas, is Fremont Street, a pedestrian only area with all kinds of unique sites. A four block section of Fremont Street has been covered over with a canopy of LED lights which light up the sky in a ray of different colors as you walk below. Known as the Fremont Street Experience, each night a fantastic music and visual show takes place overhead. Street performers and special entertainment acts often perform outdoors in this area. The Fremont Street Experience is in downtown Las Vegas, a few kilometers from the new hotel groupings such as Treasure Island and Caesar's Palace. It is best to take a taxi to reach this area. Official site: www.vegasexperience.com
Venetian Hotel and Gondola Rides
Venetian Hotel and Gondola Rides Share: The Venetian Hotel in Las Vegas is located on "The Strip" across from Treasure Island. It is one of the city's finest resorts and has many interesting tourist attractions. Visitors can walk through the themed shopping arcade built to resemble the city of Venice, complete with blue skies, canals, and gondoliers. The hotel also features recreations of the main attractions found in Venice such as the Rialto Bridge and the Bridge of Sighs, along with many others. The Venetian Gondola Rides are a fun way to see the complex. Situated out in front of the Venetian Hotel, near the sidewalk, boats await passengers who are then taken on a ride by their personable gondolier through the shopping arcade inside the hotel. Address: 3655 S Las Vegas Blvd, Las Vegas Official site: https://www.venetian.com/
Paris Hotel and the Eiffel Tower
Paris Hotel and the Eiffel Tower Share: The Paris Hotel on the Strip is one of the most easily recognized resorts in Las Vegas. Out front is a scale model of the Eiffel Tower, and down the way is a recreation of the Paris Opera House. Also on the property is a mock hot air balloon festooned with neon and flashing lights. Located in the "Eiffel Tower" is an upper end restaurant with fine views out over The Strip and across to the dancing fountains of Bellagio. Address: 3655 S Las Vegas Blvd, Las Vegas Official site: https://www.caesars.com/paris-las-vegas
Mirage Hotel: Erupting Volcano and Secret Garden
Mirage Hotel: Erupting Volcano and Secret GardenLana Law Share: The Mirage Hotel is easy to identify while walking along the Strip. In front of the resort is a volcano, which erupts at regular intervals. At night, the glowing red fire shooting out is one of the most unique sites visible from the sidewalk. Inside the Mirage is the Secret Garden and Dolphin Habitat. Here, visitors can see a wide variety of exotic animals in their natural environment including white lions. The Dolphin Habitat contains a large number of trained dolphins in its 2.5-million-gallon pools. Address: 3400 S Las Vegas Blvd, Las Vegas Official site: https://www.mirage.com/en.html
Bellagio Resort and Fountain Show
Bellagio Resort and Fountain Show Robert Pernett Share: The Bellagio Resort in Las Vegas is considered the city's finest resort and one of the few AAA 5-star-rated hotels. This massive hotel complex has a wide variety of attractions including an Art Gallery, Botanical Gardens, Spa and Salon, coupled with some of the finest restaurants in Las Vegas. Beyond the lobby is a showroom area with changing themes that range from spring botanical displays to fascinating shows of art. The most impressive and famous feature is the fountain show. In front of the Bellagio, along the strip, the dancing fountains perform a beautiful display of water set to music. From the sidewalk, visitors have a ringside view. This is often described as the best free attraction in Las Vegas. Address: 3600 S Las Vegas Blvd, Las Vegas Official site: https://www.bellagio.com/en.html
Caesar's Palace and The Colosseum
Shops at Ceasar's Palace Lana Law Share: Perhaps one of the best known of all the Las Vegas hotel resorts, Caesar's Palace continues to evolve. Currently Caesar's Palace is a massive complex in the middle of the Strip, complete with every imaginable entertainment option. The hotel is closely associated with shows held in its huge concert venue known as "The Colosseum." Top performers (which have included Celine Dione and Elton John) perform here for extended periods and shows are often booked out well in advance. Visitors planning a trip and hoping to see a performance here will want to check out dates and ticket availability as early as possible. Address: 3570 S Las Vegas Blvd, Las Vegas Official site: https://www.caesars.com/caesars-palace
MGM Grand Hotel and CSI: The Experience
MGM Grand Hotel and CSI: The Experience Share: The MGM Grand Hotel in Las Vegas is across the street from the New York-New York Hotel and kitty corner to the Excalibur Resort Hotel. The MGM Grand Hotel has all the amenities visitors would expect to find at a luxury hotel including above average accommodations, an exceptional pool area, a multitude of restaurants, and plenty of entertainment options. One of the hotels popular activities is CSI: The Experience, based on the popular CSI TV series, where participants can test out their detective skills. Address: 3799 S Las Vegas Blvd, Las Vegas Official site: https://www.mgmgrand.com/en.html

Before I get started on this trip report, I want to say that this will be a very long report that I will most likely have to break up in chapters. I have so much to say and so much more to attempt to describe. This is currently known as the most impactful night I have ever lived through.
This entire trip was for my roommate Guyver, it was his birthday week and he is one of the biggest Star Wars fans that I personally know. I booked us a room in Vegas, and bought us two Star Wars IMAX 3D premiere tickets for his birthday. Excited cannot even begin to describe the hype leading up to this trip.
Chapter 1. "Preparation" I wake up before my alarm clock goes off. I was unable to get much sleep the night before, despite the blunts and multiple dabs to assist me in my journey to an 8 hour slumber. I open my eyes, roll over as usual to pet my dog, check my phone, and see a text from (we will call her Ashley) Ashley wishing me and my roommate "Guyver" a safe and fun trip. She is such a sweetheart.
This girl Ashley is relatively new in my life. I am not usually the one to not only make new friends, but to actually care about them or want to spend time with them. Only about 2 or 3 weeks ago, we tripped together for the first time and I cannot even begin to tell you how amazing it was. I have never felt connected to someone like that before, this was also my first time tripping with a girl with only myself so I was a little scared about how it would go. But man was that trip amazing. She did not accompany me and Guyver on this trip, but knowing who Ashley is will matter I promise lol I get out of bed, shower, feed Bishop (my dog) and smoke a little herb. The time now is about 6:45am and our plan is to hit the road at 7:00am. We go over our checklist before we head out. Weed, LSD, half a Xanax just in case shit goes south, wraps, a rolling tray and some other stoner "must have's" including plenty of Kendama's and Doritos.
Our bags are packed and we are good, I give Bishop some extra love, turn off all the lights, lock the door, take a deep breath and smiled. As I turned to Guyver, he was smiling just as big. At this moment I knew that we were down for whatever the night wanted to throw at us.
We take the short walk to my car and load everything in except the bad with the "goodies" in it. That bag stayed up front with us. We knew that if at any point in time if we get pulled over, all of the drugs would have to be ingested. Not interested in taking that chance. I turn the car on along with the seat heaters, turn on some music and off we go.
Chapter 2: "The Road" Traveling with Guyver is extremely easy. He is by no means high maintenance, we like the same music and are interested in the same things for the most part. I never have to second guess traveling with this dude. He is one of my best friends for a reason.
2 hours of driving and a blunt later, we decide to make a stop at a cafe/diner in the middle of fucking nowhere. The only people that were in this cafe, were people who very obviously live in this town as well. Typical "middle of nowhere" staff there also. Our waiter was approximately 50-60 years old with pink and blue eye shadow on, complimenting her foundation that was definitely a few shades away from her actual skin color. Small coffee stains covered her apron and I immediately noticed that she had about 1/3 of her teeth missing as well.
This all felt like I was in an episode of Twilight. If you are familiar with anxiety, you know how easily these factors can build up into something unwanted. So I was slowly but surely starting to feel anxious.
To make matters worse, there was a gentleman that had to at least be 90 years old was sitting down alone talking to a waitress across the room about a guy being frozen in Texas. This obviously added to the list of shit that gives me anxiety. Guyver gets up to go wash his hands and to use the restroom. While he is away, the worst thing that could have happened.... happened. The old man got up from his booth and stood right next to me asking if I had heard about the guy who froze in Texas.
At this point I was on the brink of total freakout. So as politely as I could, I walked away without saying a word to collect myself. When I turned around, the old man had started to talk to another couple. I went back to our seats at the "bar" to wait for our food. Guyver and I had both ordered the club sandwich with a side of fries (breakfast of champions). Let me tell you, that was by far the best club I have ever had. After we had finished eating, we decided that if we ever pass this place again, we will stop and eat. We paid our 50 year old, sad attempt at sexually appealing waitress and tip well.
Back in the car we go, we pull out our "oil pens" and have awesome conversations until we get to the hoover dam. As we are approaching the Hoover Dam, I ask Guyver if he has ever been? "Na man, only in transformers" Guyver replies. I get excited, as every tourist should. We pull off to start heading to the Hoover Dam, we get about 3/4 of the way there when we both notice a sign that reads "Any and All vehicles are subject to search."
The look on Guyver's face was indescribable lmaooo he looked so frightened and I am sure I looked the same. We had quite a few years of prison in my backpack and I am NOT trying to go down at the fucking Hoover Dam. So we did the obvious, flip a U-turn and continue on to Las Vegas.
Chapter 3: "Arrival" "Dude look you can fucking see the strip!" I exclaim as we round the last blind corner passing through the mountains. "Fuck dude there it is" replies Guyver. We approach our hotel and I cannot stop thinking about all of the awesome stuff that we are about to do that night.
We park at the New York New York parking garage, grab only our backpacks (just incase we weren't able to check in yet) and head into the hallway leading from the parking lot to the casino. We make our way to the front desk and fail to notice the HUGE line for check-in or check-out. I mean completely oblivious to the giant crowd. So I walk up to one of the idle concierges and ask for assistance, she looks over at the extensive line out of the corner of her eye, then back at me. She giggles and decides to boot up a computer to help us. Lets call her "Lilly".
During the time of checking in, Guyver is off to the side playing kendama and I have my kendama around my neck. Lilly immediately notices and say to me "Check-in is not til 3pm but if I can do that first try, I will let you guys check in now (1:12pm). I hand her my kendama and to my surprise she almost gets the ball onto the spike first try. "My son is very good at this and we play together sometimes" Liiy states. "CLACK" I turn my eyes up to look from the form I was filling out and sure enough, Lilly got the spike! So being the wonderful and honorable lady that Lilly was, she let us check in early. We waved goodbye at the adorable asian woman and never see her again.
On our way up to the hotel room, we start noticing how amazing the fake architecture is inside of the building. The attention to detail Las Vegas puts into their casino's and resorts are just insane. I knew that at least visually... this will be a very pleasing trip. Little did I know... it would be far more "pleasing" than I ever had thought.
Chapter 4: "The Room" (part one) As we are approaching our room door in the long, curvy hallway, I can't stop thinking about how crazy this night is going to be. We made it to the hotel in one piece and now the reality of it all is starting to set in, I couldn't be more excited.
I put the key card into the door and wait for the indicator that it's now unlocked. "Bleep Blee Bleep" rings the door after about 4 attempts to get it open. We walk into the room and the first thing I notice is the view overlooking a couple of other hotels and also the roller coaster.
Me and Guyver had already agreed that since we are staying at the New York New York, and they have buy one get one free passes for people who are staying at the hotel, we are DEFINITELY riding this thing at some point.
Anyways, we get all of our stuff in our backpacks off loaded, appreciate the view, turn the AC on full blast, and head back out to get the remaining items from the car.
We get back to the car, take a few hit off our oil pens and walk back to the room. The time is now approx 2:45pm and we have decided that since the movie starts at 11pm, we should ingest the tabs at 7pm. That way, we can trip for a solid 3 and a half hours before the movie started. Our plan was so prime, nothing could go wrong ;)
So in preparation for the night, we bust out the small bottle of Bacardi Limon and take a couple shots right off the bat. We unpack our bags and pull out the herb and blunt wraps. I also brought about a half gram of concentrate to put in the blunt. I broke down the tree, put it into the Garcia Vega wrap, placed the work of wax inside the blunt, and sealed it in.
Guyver and I pulled up two chairs and placed them right in front of the window overlooking the city while I sparked the blunt. We were sitting there smoking, talking plans and about how awesome the night is about to be.
I was genuinely confident that we would just have a super fun, easily navigable trip. It was my first time taking 2 tabs (230mg) and it was Guyver's first time taking 3 with no tolerance. But we figured it would be crazy, but mellow enough to just cruise and have an awesome time.
As we were smoking this blunt, Guyver had the idea to make a little music video for one of the songs off his unreleased EP. I agree and we set up the camera's and have a blast filming it. After the blunt, we gather our kendamas and camera's to head out to the strip while it's still day out.
We make our way out of the hotel on to the strip, not much was mentionable about this portion of the trip except the planning. After filming some super prime kendama "tricks" we devised a plan.
The plan was simple... Take the tabs, come up, go on the rollercoaster, take the tram to madalay bay to see the aquarium, then the the Wyatt to watch the LED ceiling light show. Head back to the hotel, order out Uber, and get to the movie theatre. LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
So we decide to get back to the hotel room to try and get maybe about an hour or so to nap. I am laying down pretty tired still from the drive and Guyver and I fall asleep for about 40 min. My alarm goes off... it's 6:45
Chapter 5 "Ingestion" I take the small pieces of tin foil out of the bad and open them up. In the tin foil, was two Adventure Time tabs with Finn and Jake on them, and the other was 3 tabs with an odd, DMT visual patterned tabs. I place my two doses on the table along with Guyver's. "Okay man... whatever happens we will be good dude. We just have to make sure we get to the theatre, that's really the only goal now."
"I know man, lets fucking do this." replied Guyver with an overload of nervousness and excitement in his voice.
I gave Guyver a huge, brotherly hug and we placed the small paper tabs with 115ug each of some of the purest LSD I can obtain into our mouthes. Shit eating grins smack us in our faces almost immediately. There is no going back now and we both knew that, but we thought we were 100% prepared.
Before we exit the hotel room, we make sure we have everything that we are going to need in our hands for the next 12 hours. This list included: Headphones, phones, sunglasses, a headphone splitter, oil pens, wallets, 3 cameras, and some other necessities. I was dressed in black dickies, brand new Airmax shoes, a fresh "Hundreds" hoodie with a puffy jacket/vest over the hoodie. I also had a black RVCA trucker hat on.
Guyver had on a pair of sunglasses, a windbreaker style trench coat with red and black plaid lining. An old star wars shirt, his huge 2 inch plugs for his ears, and sweatpants.
Chapter 6: "Come-Up" I walk out of the hotel room of the New York New York in Las Vegas, I immediately start noticing subtle changes in my vision. I feel the awkward "warm" feeling in my jaw as we make out way to the elevator. We stop in the elevator lobby and as we are waiting I notice how awesome the floor patterns were. "No fucking way". I say as I cannot believe I am already starting to trip not even 20 min after the tabs had dissolved. By the time we got out of the elevator, it was like someone turned the knob up to 8 on the trip meter. It was really strange how much harder I started to trip when the short ride down from the 24th floor to the lobby had ended.
I walk outside of the elevator and I am instantly hit with a plethora of lights, vibrating and glowing like something out of a trippy movie. At this point I am still 100% cognitive and aware of my surroundings. Guyer and myself made our way out to the main entrance of the casino out to the strip. We waddled our way over to a red metal table that was looked over by the insanely bright glowing lights of the New York New York and the Hershey's factory. The lights at this point were already significantly brighter than usual and starting to have a "palpable" glow to them. I had my headphones on listening to Cashmere Cat's "Paws" at that moment. I was just looking all around taking in how incredible everything looked. I look at Guyver and he has his Balaclava on to keep his face warm and his eyes were closed. I knew now that he was feeling it too.
As we were sitting outside in the 55 degree weather at about 8:15 we decide that we are definitely tripping hard enough to ride the rollercoaster. I have never taken a ride of any sort on psychedelics and I was actually very excited for this to happen.
We are bobbing and weaving our way through the traffic of miserable melting faces and the light so bright I almost had to squint. All the while me and Guyver are listening to our headphones separately with the biggest smiles you have ever seen on our faces.
We finally make it to the arcade... which is also the entrance to the roller coaster. This was my first time having to interact with a human.
"Umm... hi... how do we get on the rollercoaster please?" I say with my voice trembling, it is so difficult to formulate actual words at this point.
"Right around the corner of the neon coaster sign, you can pay there."
"t-thank you" I snicker trying my hardest not to burst out laughing.
I turn to Guyver with the new directions and relay them to him. I can tell the directions did not register properly, but it was okay. "Dude that was so fucking hard to do" I whisper to Guyver. This also didn't register with him correctly, I was met back with a blank stare and a laugh. Which then of course caused me to laugh back. Life is fucking great.
We are wading through this insane dome full of bright arcade games, kids smiling and running around, etc. We arrive at the paying point for the roller coaster and I can see that there are only about 8 other people that are getting on it as well. This was a comforting sight.
Chapter 7 "Let Go" We take our seats at the back of the roller coaster to avoid any kind of unwanted attention. I then suddenly realize a bit too late that I still have my hat on and literally everything I had in my pockets of my pants and jackets. A slight panic set in as I had my phone, wallet, headphones, etc in my pockets and I knew this coaster had a loop. "Dude hold the fuck up I have everything in my pockets still!" Guyver whispers aggressively. I turn to the skinny miserable man working the coaster and ask if it's okay to put our stuff on the side? "Na man just hold on to it you will be good".
CLICK
The coaster starts to move forward instantly after that skinny fuck gave me the opposite answer I was searching for.
I feel this insane rush of adrenaline coarsing through my body, very euphoric but I was so fucking scared I was going to lose my things. I could not focus on what I should do about my items, this thought turned into panic again and at this point we began the climb to the top of the coaster.
I look over at Guyver and he is NOT having a good time at this point, which did not help my case either. Then all of a sudden, that insane rush of adrenaline faded away. As we were climbing up the coaster, I was comforted by a sense of "not being in control". My personal outlook on roller coasters, even before psychedelics has always been: "One of two things can happen on a roller coaster... you wither die, or you don't. When you do live through that experience, it's usually just a fun story to tell afterwards." I have never felt that feeling be so literal in my life. This entire rollercoaster is just a huge metaphor for life. Sometimes you aren't in control and sometimes, that is OKAY. Sometimes you just have to stop worrying and let go. Enjoy the wind in your face and the fact that you're on top of this roller coaster overlooking this beautiful city rather than worrying about my hat the whole time. This was the first beautiful moment that I experienced. This was all in the matter of time it took the roller coaster to get to the top of the first drop.
When I got to the top of the coaster, my body was FORCING screams out of it. I was so fucking excited to finally be on this rollercoaster while on these amazing substances. The drop was insane, the next 45 seconds were quite possible the most intensely exciting moments of my life. Pure adventure, the kind of adventure that is so innocent. Guiltless entertainment if you would. I honestly cannot find the words to accurately describe how good it felt to just let go and enjoy that damn roller coaster.
After the coaster came to a stop, I was still audibly projecting "Oh my fucking god man, that was so nuts... I was NOT ready for that shit hahahahahah" probably about 3 times in a row. It was so hard to process what just happened.
I get out of my seat and decide it may be a good idea just to check and see if anything fell out on the seat. Wouldn't you know it... my phone was there lol
I pick my phone up, Guyver and myself headed out of the arcade to make our way outside to see the aquarium at Mandalay Bay.
Chapter 8: Feel Trip Guyver and I walk out of the casino through a different exit than the first time that led us to the red tables. We took the side exit and started to make our way towards excalibur. During our walk there, I started to have a hard time knowing where I was. It would eventually come back to me, but I felt like I was losing track of where I was geographically.
We made it to the tram, we took the tram to Excalibur, which was close to Mandalay Bay. VERY exciting thought for me at the time. I was still feeling a little off because I didn't really remember where we were. But we took the tram to Excalibur and exited. I am so unsure if we are in the right place but Guyver just assured me that we were good and we continued our journey to the aquarium. We make our way past the hotel valet section and now I am tripping extremely hard. I have surpassed the "level" of tripping I am used to b by about 2 fold at this point.
"Sundara" by ODESZA comes on in my headphones, the melodic house beat is slowly making it's way into my ears and I do not hate it because I know how awesome the rest of the song is. At one point in the song about 45 seconds in, the house beat stops and is followed by a very ambient, slow, beautiful melody and carries out that way for the rest of the song.
When this part of the song came on, I was 100% overwhelmed by visual beauty and appreciation. I was looking straight at the Pyramid hotel, only it was as night so there were hundreds of lights worming around the pyramid all the way to the top. At the top, there is an opening that shoots out a spotlight that is so bright, you can literally see it from space. This was the single most beautiful thing I have ever witnessed. I wish I would let you all borrow my eyes so you could witness this indescribable beauty. Not only how beautiful it was, but the FEELINGS that came along with it.
I was feeling so fucking grateful to be alive. I started thinking about how far I have come mentally in the past year, about the people I have lost and met along the way. Which brought me to thinking about that girl I told you about, Ashley.
For the longest time I have been emotionally unavailable to females as far as attraction, trust, and relationship goes. I have become a very self centered person and love the company of my own mind. What I am describing is in no way negative, it's just the way I like it to be. I don't waste my time with people I don't connect with, or who annoy me, etc. Which ends up being almost everyone.
This girl though, it is strange. In the midst of this positive emotional breakdown, I found myself thinking about her. Thinking about how I shouldn't be so scared to let her in. About how amazing my time spent with her thus far has been, nothing but good vibes, beautiful smiles and laughter. She is one of VERY few people in my life that do not judge me. "Your way of thinking is beautiful" she said to me once. That crossed my mind like a track on repeat. No one has ever been so kind and accepting of me, no matter how nerdy or weird I am. Not to mention she is absolutely gorgeous, way prettier than I deserve 100%.
I was just absolutely overwhelmed with all of these thoughts about Ashley, and how appreciative of life I had become and how I am no longer a depressed young man on the brink of ceasing to exist. I told myself not to be so scared, to let life happen.
So this realization was an immense one, and it continued on for about 20 minutes straight. I could not stop thinking about life and its wonders. I couldn't stop thinking about Ashley and how she doesn't even have to acknowledge me as a person, and yet she is the sweetest woman in the world to me. The list goes on and on about all of the thought process's I was having about everything. Unfortunately, this also completely negated my ability to think outside of my own mind. I was completely lost, crying on the ramp leading down to the Pyramid. We were both lost, not knowing where the fuck the aquarium is anymore.
"Yo are you alright?" Guyver asks.
"Yea man, this is just so fucking beautiful dude, I can't think right now."
"What do you mean you can't think?" Replied Guyver.
"I just don't know where I am or anything right now dude, I am lost."
"Follow me" Guyver says.
I can tell that his demeanor changed almost instantaneously, much more confident. Well at least one of us was. "Let's just get back to the room man and regroup." I nod my head in approval, and off we go.
Chapter 9 "Long Trek" Guyver is leading me through a river of lights, peoples faces are continuously twisting and morphing. Slot machine characters became 3D and looked like I could high five them, shit was getting super intense.
Guyver and I had to stop numerous times to try and get our bearing on where the fuck we were. I was sure that we were never going to get back to the hotel room.
We get back on the Tram to take us back to Excalibur, so that we can walk straight across the bridge to New York New York, at least that's what he was telling me. We get on the tram, I am sweating my fucking dick off and we are sharing the cart with 3 other people. Extremely awkward by the way.
We get off and start walking towards the strip, this time there isn't even the slightest of knowing where we were. I was so turned around and tripping so fucking hard I literally couldn't even for a thought other than "OH MY GOD".
Guyver thankfully realized that we got off on the wrong stop and guided us back to the tram with surprising ease. After the third and final tram ride, we get off and make our way through the casino trying to find our elevators to our hotel. When I was walking through this sea of people I was looking at everyone and time seemed to slow down. I felt like I could analyze their exact feelings at the moment, and in these moments everyone just looked disgusting. I saw greed and frustration written over every sloppy drunk bitches face. Every drunk meat head that lost his last $40 on a game of blackjack, now pissed off and walking around like a human bowling ball because he can't but a Red Bull for the broke drive home. I saw, sadness... immense sadness. Only this time I did not feel bad for these people, I said fuck these people. I never ever want to look like any of these miserable humans. Let this be the motivation to maintain happiness is what I was thinking.
"DUDE FUCK YES!!" screamed Guyver as we finally found our elevators to take us up to our floor. I can barely stand it feels like and I cannot wait to get into our room to recoup.
Chapter 10: "The Room" (Part 2) I weasel through the twisted hallway, bumping into the sides of the walls to keep my balance. I finally reach the door, and I get out the keycard. When I look up at the door to insert the key card, I was smacked with constantly changing patterns on this door. I couldn't look away, yet I was still trying to get the card into the door. The pattern on the door was morphing and melting right in front of me.
I finally got the card to go in, and boom, we are back in the room. The minute we open the door we smell the weed and start laughing hysterically, good weed. Before I could even take my jacket off, I looked in the mirror. The only way I could possibly describe what my face was doing, and what it looked like, is to compare it to the dreamscope app. My face had moving patterns forming on it in the shape of like old ass weird symbolic mini hieroglyphics. It was so bizarre, especially since I have never tripped this damn hard.
So I take my jacket off and go into the restroom, pull my pants all the way down and sit. I do NOT trust myself to try and piss standing up at this point lol
I get my phone out and I record myself saying literally nothing hahaha and so I turned my phone off and was stuck on that toilet for about 5 min. I couldn't stop looking at all of the marble designs on the walls of the bathroom, and the lighting was so crazy I just couldn't understand how it was all looking like this.
Eventually I get out of that bathroom and go lay down. Every single thing I look at is again, morphing and shifting. I was having my first TRUE psychedelic experience with LSD. It was INTENSE. There is not a whole lot of detail to discuss about the room other than we were just getting lost over and over again in that room trying to get the fuck out so we can order our Lyft to see Star Wars. I eventually have to take the reins and lead us out of that room.
I gave what I thought to be a pretty fucking inspirational speech so to say. That brought us back into the reality of us being late to the movie. But before I did, I snapchat Ashley... I still have no idea what I sent to her or what have you, but she sent back nothing short of the sweetest thing ever. She is awesome.
Anyways, we get all of our shit together, double check our belongings, and we are finally good to go.
Chapter 11: "Uber" We have an incredibly hard time finding an exit door to our hotel room now. I know that they have designated pickup areas for Uber and Lyft, I coulnd't find one to save my life. So we found our way out into the valte parking lot again and tried to request the Lyft. Only now, I had to put my credit card info in... this was so fucking difficult. I was shaking from the cold, couldn't see the numbers on the card cause they wouldn't stop moving. Life was in fucking shambles right now lol. So I eventually give up on trying to order a Lyft, I wanted to use Lyft since I have $50 free credits. But all in all... fuck Lyft so hard.
I got extremely irritated and just opened the Uber app and ordered one. I then saw a cop staring straight at me and Guyver. I did one of the most ridiculously stupid thing ever. I walked straight up to the cop and asked him, with my pupils as big as a fucking saucer "Hey where do the Uber drivers pick up?"
He replied with some crazy fucked up directions that I didn't respond to because I was so thrown off by the way this cop talked. Idk if he was deaf and use hearing aids, or if he had a stroke or what the deal was. He looked at me and knew I was lost in his words.
"I'm just trying to get out of this hotel, I am nowhere near sober enough to follow those directions."
"Tell you what, just tell em to come up here and pick you up, you guys have a safe night." The cop replies surprisingly.
I call the Uber driver right away and let him know we are in the Valet. We get into the Uber and shut the door.
I knew right away this is going to be awkward because I pretty much told the driver right away. "hey man, thank you so much for coming to get us. I literally have no idea what is going on but we need to get to AMC. Do you have the directions?" "Yes sir we are good" he replies. During the ride he is asking the typical small talk questions. Where are you guys from? How was our night? Any luck with the ladies etc etc. needless to say it was a pleasant ride that got us to our ultimate destination... STAR WARS!
We exit the Uber, I express my gratitude again and off we go.
Chapter 12: "Concessions" Guyver and I walk up to the ticket counter, sweaty as all hell. Barely able to comprehend what it is i'm supposed to be doing. I take about 2 minutes to pull up our online ticket confirmation and I show it to the ticket dude.
The scanner isn't working and it is now 11:05 on an 11:00 showing. I start to get super nervous thinking something went wrong with the tickets, but eventually, all is well and we enter the movie theatre.
We get our spot in line for a couple of Coca-Cola's. At this time, there was this man with his buddy in front of us in line. This is one of those dudes that is not handsome, has spiky hair (OBVIOUSLY DYED), most likely about 32-35 years old, probably talks about how good he used to be at motocross when he was 18 kind of guy. The kind of guy I hate, and he was being so fucking disgustingly obnoxious and attention seeking.
I usually don't feel anger or rage when I trip but this time it was absolutely unavoidable. I started to think about how bad I wanted to fuck this dude up and shove his straw down his throat for acting like a douche bag. But I regressed, they got their orders and left. All was good.
It was my turn to order, I casually order two cokes, not stumbling too too hard anymore over my words but I cannot bring myself to look at the young lady taking my order. I am way too self conscious about how gone I look at the moment. Guyver and I take our sodas and go over to the soda machine.
This is one of the new machines that let you pick pretty much whatever soda your heart ever desired. This will go down as the hardest decision I have ever made on LSD.
I eventually went with Vanilla Coke just in case you were wondering
After we had our drinks filled, tickets in hand, everything we needed to go into the theatre. Now I was lost again, I had no idea what we were supposed to be doing. I had forgot that we came here to see a movie. Guyver guided us into the movie and found our seats.
Chapter 13: "The Movie" This AMC was one of those prime ass ones that had leather seats that recline and all that cool shit. I was so impressed by how comfy they were. I was sitting at the end of the aisle and Guyver was to my left sitting next to a couple.
At this point I have never felt like this before. The movie was playing but I had no idea what was going on. The movie never made sense to me, Guyver was laughing but I was getting worried that we were gonna get kicked out of the movie cause he was laughing so loud. I started to feel like I wasn't even supposed to be there in that movie. I didn't know what was happening around me, if the Coca Cola tasted good or not, I was freaking out.
I whispered to Guyver that I don't know what's happening and he offers to go outside with me. We walk outside and I start to get emotional. There is no other way to describe how I was feeling other than "I just didn't know anything".
For the first time in my life I felt completely vulnerable, tp the point that if someone wanted to come take everything I had there wasn't a single thing I could do about it. I was so lost in my own head. "Dude I just want to make sure you're having a good time, cause I am so lost brother."
" I am man for sure, are YOU okay though?" replied Guyver. "Idk man, I literally don't know what is happening right now, are we supposed to be in that theatre? I bought these tickets right? Is this a funny movie or not? Etc." These are some of the questions I kept thinking to myself and I was losing it.
Then I just screamed "FUCK IT!" "Lets just go inside the theatre and I am just going to sit down until the lights come on dude, I am losing it okay? This whole thing is for you man, this is your birthday present and i just want to make sure you're having a good time man." I said with eyes full of tears.
"Okay brother let's do this" Guyver replies as he guides me inside and we both take out seats in the handicap chairs since no one is sitting in them. This made me significantly more comfortable knowing that there wasn't anyone behind us.
I am still feeling so lost and confused but I am gritting my teeth through it all. Eventually, a undeniably funny part of the movie came on and I was able to hear everyone in the theatre laughing. I felt like I could laugh too since everyone was doing it obviously so I laughed along. That is the point where I was able to calm down and enjoy the rest of the movie.
By the way, the new Star Wars is so fucking epic it's insane lol. The cinematography was so amazing and not to mention the Imax 3D that we were watching it in. Truly an experience of a lifetime that I will never forget.
After several moments of crying, being scared shitless of the new Star Wars villain, the movie came to an end.
Chapter 14: "Lets Get Back" After the movie, me and Guyver were standing outside. I was trying to get this stupid fucking Lyft app to work but I was still tripping a little too hard to try bothering with it. So I just ordered another Uber.
While we are waiting for the Uber, me and Guyver are discussing all of the crazy events that have led up to this moment. How I was still definitely tripping and I just wanted to get back to the hotel now. Guyver agree'd and we waited on the Uber.
We finally get into the Uber and have a comfy, warm ride home back to NY NY. The ride was very humbling as the driver was speaking about how he has 3 kids and that Uber is such a blessing allowing him to work his own hours to get that extra couple hundred dollars a check to provide for his family. I began to tear up and had to look away. People's lives are so different from one another and I can always tell when someone is sincere. This man was exactly what I needed to witness to feel that overwhelming sense of appreciation again. It was wonderful. I said my goodbyes to the Uber driver and I started the walk back to the hotel. If didn't take us nearly as long as it did previously to get back to the room, but it was still no easy feat.
Chapter 13: "Blunts and the Comedown" We get back to our room, hotel door still moving slightly and making me giggle. I walk into that hotel room and have never felt so relieved in my life. I immediately take my clothes off and lay down in the bed. CEV's are still pretty present but I don't mind at all.
"Dude do we have any blunt wraps?" Guyver asks. "No dude we don't but we should."
"Ughhhhhh fuckkkkkk okay i'll go get one"
"We will go fucking get one" I say hesitantly.
We both get dressed AGAIN, plug in our headphones and start back out to find a blunt. We walked WAYYYYY too far in search of a blunt and the only thing we could find was these nasty ass chocolate Zig Zags. ( I fucking hate swishers and zig zags, white owls, etc.) But I said fuck it, we bought the wraps and headed back to the room.
We get back to the room, I break down the weed and start to try and roll up. Now I am not trying to toot my own horn... but I can roll the shit out of a blunt. But at the end of this trip in Las Vegas... I was defeated. I wasted both of the blunt wraps trying to roll up and we just ended up smoking out of my pipe till our throats hurt.
We smoked til we got tired and I had layed down again. I was just laying there, thinking about my life, about home, my dog, Ashley and all the wonderful things in my life that attribute to this happy state of mind I have finally reached.
Me and Guyver watch some of the videos we took throughout the trip and cannot stop laughing at how hard we were tripping on video. We eventually got tired at about 4:30 but didn't end up falling asleep til about 6 or so.
We woke up, went down to the buy one get one free breaksfast, which turned out to have a whole bunch of special rules and shit that was far too confusing for me to deal with still.
We ditch the buffet, check out and hit the road. We survived the night and lost not ONE item.
Mission Complete.
This was not revised in any way, I don't plan on going back and proof reading. This is my recollection of my night in Vegas with my best friend. I hope you enjoyed the read! Safe Travels! -Yeee

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Date: 2013-03-01
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Questions	Answers
How did you get a gig like that? Were they, like, recruiting from a renaissance fair, or did you have a theater background, or what?	I actually applied to be a food server. They make bank. But their manager was out sick the day of my interview and my interviewer was the head knight (manager). During the interview Him: hey you look in shape Me: Yeah i played football and ran track in high school. Him: You ever ride a horse? Me: not once Him: You wanna learn? And maybe be in the show? Me: Hell yes. Him: You start monday... as long as you pass the piss test.
	I had zero experience in all aspects.
Wow, then that first piss must have really been something!	Stream of legends
They make bank. How much are we talking?	Depends on the night and attendance. Ive seen 300 in one night.
Lucky you don't smoke weed :D.	Constant drug tests over there. Minor injury? Drug test
I am wasting my life at this Italian place I'm at =/	Its not ALWAYS that high. but more than there im sure.
Haha thanks for your boost of confidence. Also you are doing a fantastic job of replying to people.	No problem. good luck if you try and apply. Thanks, im trying to do well for my first and probably only AMA.
I'm assuming there are no asian people working there? I'm asian btw..	Yeah there were two Asians from Russia who worked at the FL castle. Those dudes were sick! They don't discriminate.
If you were a real knight, what would your loadout be? Sword and shield? Big 2-handed sword? Flail?	Ohhh I miss these conversations. We(the knights) used to talk about random crap like this from time to time. It depends on my opponent. But, I would normally side with the sword and shield. Both can be used quickly and as weapons. Shield bashes can kill. One handed swords are fast and deadly. Too each his own though.
Sword and board is respectable an time honored, I tip my visor.	Nice wordage.
	We never spoke that way but its always fun. I raise my lance to you sir.
"Let us gingerly touch our tips together! "	HUZZAH.
Also, dost thou joust?	Nay, no longer do i joust.
Would you rather joust against 1 duck sized hors... shoots self Seriously though, what's the most common injury suffered by jousters? What's the worst injury you've suffered?	Haha REAL jousters I'm not sure... everything is choreographed. Even the lance tips were cut so they looked pretty when they hit the shields. But in those cases when they were not cut right, you could take some hard hits on the elbow(where the shield is resting against) or if you take a hard hit and you happen to be falling that turn, it could make your fall extremely difficult because your balance goes out the window.
You're saying that as if it was all staged...	I think you need to know something about santa clause...
Tread carefully, ser knight...	Are we being watched? reddit is safe right?
Yeah come on man. Thank god the Easter Bunny is real.	Right?
What was your favorite color knight to play?	I loved being the Lord Marshall (black knight) from the show about 6 years ago. And the green knight is always fun. He gets to be (or used to at least) a douche bag and its great fucking with the audience.
I went to the NJ one about five years ago with a group from my college. We were in the green knights section. It was heartbreaking when he got killed right at the end :(	I was probably there working. Probably either the green one or the guy killing him haha.
Oh man, always thought it was the green knight who was evil... I guess his "theme song" threw me off when I was younger.	He was the D bag of the knights, but not the "bad guy"
	Always a fun knight to be... my fav.
Thats the knight we would say shit too hahaha, thats funny you say that. He had long hair and everytime he would ride by we would be like nice flow bro sick flow. He just seemed like a douche.	Awesome role to play. Especially when he gets into it. You have to!
How many different characters are there? What are their roles?	It's usually the same from show to show. 6 knights, a bad guy, a king and princess, The Lord chancellor(the mc), a master of horse, lots of squires.
When I was there green knight had like a goatee thing going on. Black hair. Think he got killed by the the knight?	You just described every knight lol.
Oh... Dang...	Yea... sorry lol.
Dost thou even hoist? Advance towards me brethren!	Nice one.
Has any kid ever run onto the arena, if not whats the craziest thing the audience has ever done?	Not kid, but a drunk dude did once. He jumped in and ran across the arena right by the "bad guy" and was just looked at funny. When he tried to jump out, he broke the plexi-glass and cut up his hand BAD. He was charged with drunk and disorderly, trespassing and endangering the animals. Other crazy stuff Ive seen range from flashing tits, to grabbing knights after the show to kiss them. Nothing TOO nuts... it IS a family show.
I almost ran out in the arena in Dallas last week ... according to my co-worker.	Why?
I was pissed that the green knight laid down like a little bitch and got himself killed.	Laid down? you mean he died...
This is all heresay. The bartenders (females, especially) do a great job of selling booze.	Yeah, they have some great assets to do that
How often did you say ni?	Never, sadly.
Alas you were not one of the knights that say neee.	I twas not...
Why did you stop?	Not a career. Girls wont take you seriously when they realize THATS your job EVERYDAY. Not high pay. No retirement plan. LOTS of injuries...even little injuries add up.
Related, did you ever use your job to pick up girls?	Dude... that job was an aphrodisiac. women loved us. Many of the guys would pick up chicks all the time. It happens a lot, and frankly isnt fair to the general male population.
I went to Medieval Times (Toronto) a couple years ago and we asked the knight we had if he used the line "I'm a knight in shining armour" to pick up girls at the bar. He only replied "they don't believe you!"	Hahaha true, they dont until you show them proof.
That makes sense. I guess us girls do want to feel like a princess being carried away by a knight at least once in our lifetime, and seeing as you guys are the closest thing to what we think of as "knights"...	Valid point. We are looked at as chivalrous and loyal. Who wouldn't want that.
So this whole AMA is just a clever ruse to provide proof of knighthood and therefore pick up chicks? That just jaded my whole view of the AMA section. :D.	Im engaged and faithful... dont be jaded.
Proof... As in your lance?	They ask sometimes believe it or not... Or just grab...
	Usually show them a pic on your phone
The proof you showed them, was it your lance?	Wouldn't be very chivalrous if I... Showed and tell.
How do you decide who gets the roses? The hot women or do you try and confidence boost the rest?	Sometimes cuz they are hot, others cuz they are little girls, and the others are just random. Depends on the knight really. usually wild fans get noticed first
Oh..because, I'm not at all still butthurt I didn't get one...or anything.	Many chicks get upset. keep in mind they may have not seen you. And they only have limited amounts. I felt bad sometimes when i didnt get enough to throw out to the crowd. I always asked the princess for more flowers.
I received one when I was 5 years old. My dad told me if I flirted with a knight I might get one. Flirting to my 5year old mind was waving, shyly smirking and batting my eyelashes. It worked! I kept that rose for way too long. It was the highlight of the summer and probably the beginning of my fascination with knights, magic, and that whole era. Haha. did making a little girls day ever brighten up your own day?	If I saw a 5 year old waving and doing that, she's getting a flower. When I saw those girls light up and get so excited, it really did make my day.
I'm a guy, and I got the rose during my senior trip. I was pretty loud that night. Lost my voice the next day.	I might throw you one too if you were the awesome
That's exactly how I earned my Queen of the Torny sash near the end of the night. I didn't know flailing around obnoxiously actually worked. I was a little ashamed walking back up the stairs.	Of you stand out, you'll get at least a flower.
I went to one in Orlando when I was 5. I was super bummed I didn't get a rose, so my grandpa went and found one from who knows where and told me that the king had it specially delivered to me.	Awesome grandpa is awesome
Aww...that's the best.<3 I just chugged my giant beer in souvenir cup. It healed the pain.	Glad i.. or the beer... could help! lol.
Do you like "The Cable Guy"? Did they portray your job accurately?	Awesome movie. Eh... no not really. The audience would never be allowed to go into the arean...ever. The wenches... yeah pretty spot on. Some can get into character, but alot ive seen are like "dude... cmon"
"Would you like a refill on that Pepsi?"	They didnt have forks and knives but they had pepsi?
Has anything ever happened unexpectedly and you were forced to stay in character and improv the incident?	Many times. most memorable, my weapon broke while fighting a new guy, and we both didnt notice... i went to block my head and he came crashing in with a sword and WHACK... took a sword to the face. Blood went everywhere... the other knight froze in terror... i, dazed, went to the wall with the weapons and grabbed the next one i saw and yelled KEEP GOING!... I was pissed so it was like 125% faster than he was expecting... good training for him though haha.
We're you the white knight? And who chooses the winners?	I was legit every color. Usually the supervisor, or whoever is left in charge that show. If no supervisor then the most senior knight will "write the show board" to determine the whole show.
Do the fans talk shit when you trot by? I remember me and my brother used to say random shit to them when we were younger.	All the time! Personally I loved it. I always yelled back. It makes the job more fun than it is. I would subtly say kiss my ass by kissing my hand and smacking my horses ass while staring at the mocker. Always got a laugh.
You're going down red knight.	Fuck you i never lose... i lie, i lost all the time.
So that was a normal "thing"? The Green knight did that to me in NJ once, and I thought I was special.	It all depends on the knight. Some guys play into it, some don't. I was over the top with it when I yelled at the audience. It's hard to say to be honest.
Down down down, red knight's going down!	The red knight sucks the big one!
Roughly how much money did you make? Any benefits? Health insurance seems necessary...	Health insurance was ok. Not many benefits unless you count being a bad ass for a while. When I left i was making 18 an hour
I dunno if 18/hr would be enough to have huge dudes swinging medieval weapons at me all night. Damn. You'd think those guys would at least make a good salary.	18 is HIGH... Start at 8 being a squire... if your good enough to train you go to 10... once your in the show 12... then up from there whatever you learn and crap.
How is being a bad-ass NOT a benefit?	Oh it is.
I've always wanted to go there, but I hate "participating." I want to eat and watch a fucking horse fight. Can you do that, or are audience members forced to participate?	Participating makes the experience better for everyone. Imagine everyone sitting quietly not cheering at all... it would be lame. BUT NO, you dont have to. You can sit and just watch if you like. Many do and are not looked at funny for it. Its like going to a baseball game or football game. Your encouraged to yell and stuff. But its no big deal if you dont.
Previous knights have mentioned hook-ups. Any interesting stories there?	One story I think i can tell without being yelled at by the SO... A bachelorette party came one night(no idea why) and the bride to be wanted me to be her... last fling? She was pretty aggressive and kissed me pretty wildly. Then gave me her number and demanded to see me later. I was involved at the time so I did not lol. In retrospect I should have later finding out that I was cheated on... thats another story lol.
I went to Medieval Times in NJ last year! I can't blame the ladies for hitting on you, you're very good looking!	Thanks much! You saw some of my good friends there.
Good on you for not doing it. Girl had to have been a complete fucking cunt to try and get laid at her own fucking bachelor party. Feel sorry for the guy who married her.	I do too. I hope she only did that cuz she was drunk and feeling weird about the marriage... i HOPE shes faithful
Spoiler: she isn't.	Twist: neither is he.
You...you seem like a redditor...will you join us?	I am honored and absofuckinglutley
How much of a fight is choreographed, and how much improvised? Obviously you're not trying to hurt each other, but do you have a bunch of "set lists" or are you winging it?	Dream job out of high school, thats about it.
Also, that seems like a God damn dream job.	100% choreographed unless something goes wrong, then as much to choreograph as posible. When its time to improvise, you can tell... usually they will just freeze up and stare with the "wtf do i do now". Training is drilled into us, so when something is different it throws us off.
How heavy is your gear? How long did it take to learn to battle?	The armor was only about 7 lbs. Motor cross chest and back with metal shoulders. Lances were about 15-20 lbs. Shields about 10. Swords ranged from 5-15 lbs. It took me about 3 months to learn everything to be "show ready"
You said you had virtually no experience, how long did it take you to become a decent enough horseback rider to be in the show jousting?	Surprisingly i picked up riding quickly. Few weeks and a i was a calm and confident. When I was training they didnt need any more knights in the show, so it took about 7 months for me to finally go into the show. It all depends on personal skill level and coordination
I've never been to any of these so sorry if this is a dumb question but is every day and show pretty much the same thing? How often are new shows written and changed up?	Yeah, same show day in, day out. Roughly 2 years the shows change... used to be longer but their shows and scripts have gotten seriously bad. The first show i did was in for 5 years i think. It was awesome.
So did any of you and your fellow knights ever have beef with each other? Like anyone purposely messing someone else up out of spite? Curious to know if the rivalries ever translated from script to real life. Thanks for doing this!	Oh god yeah. Tempers flew like we were movie stars. We would scream and curse (in shows) at each other and would fucking HATE each other that day. But, when the actual fight came time, it was respectful and hate free. No matter how badly we wanted to kill each other, we knew we could seriously fuck someone up with those weapons. Or worse. They are fake but made of real titanium.
Titanium? I gotta ask.. how much would one set you back?	Those started from 350 for the small one handed swords I think. It's been a while.
Why titanium?	Titanium smashing against titanium makes sparks
You worked in the New Jersey Castle? I've been there a couple times. Great stuff! Now for my question: If I recall correctly, the knights are split up into different colors, i.e. Red, Yellow, Green, Black & White, etc. How does that process work? Do you get to select your color, or does management force a color upon you?	Yes, NJ castle. Its all on who knows what fights and who wants to do what. If that makes sense. The senior guys get to pick normally. Management doesnt get involved, only our immediate supervisor.
Do you have any memorable events during your time there? I remember when I was there one of the falcons stole a patrons meal but you must have some pretty cool stories yourself! (side note-how accurate is the game chivalry(if you have heard of it)or skyrim? Are they boring compared to what you've done?)	Oh i have countless memorable events. Never heard the falcon taking food off a plate though. thats priceless. I HAVE heard the flacon grabbing a kids head though... bled like crazy. They are serious when they say DONT WAVE SHIT AT THE FALCON. Game of chivalry...???... during the show? The games portion? Thats all on skill of the knight and chance usually. And im not sure what you mean with Skyrim too.. played it.. love it. But yeah video games of that nature are boring WHEN compared to the job. But i played the crap out of skyrim
How was the kid? Also do you get to choose the weapon or are you forced to use the one your given?	He was fine. Mom was pissed lol. Whatever fight you are assigned to do before the show determines your weapon and if you lose a joust.
I hope some of you got the reference I was making. Link to www.youtube.com.	Oh wow! been a long time since ive seen that movie. Totally forgot about this. No we do not wear real suits of armor. He makes us look like more dopes than we are.
I actually think its a cool job, but anytime that I think of the Ren fair or Midevil times, I always think about this scene. I've actually studied western fencing (foil, epee, saber, and broadsword) and eastern sword tactics (Kendo, Eishin Ryu Iaido).	I used to as well(that scene)... it so far off. Never did fencing. How does one fence with a broadsword?
What was your favorite experience while working?	Wayyy too many to count. Its easy to say the things i miss most... Mainly my horse, Friend. Love that fucker. The comradery between the guys. And the fans and excitement of shows.
Any specific ones that standout?	OH! duh.. meeting my fiance! I was the yellow knight and she was in the red/yellow section. She wasnt a slutty "omg your a knight" chick and we hit it off... obviously.
Your horse was named Friend? That is actually one of the best horse names ever.	Yup. It was originally Amigo(spanish owners.. from spain), but we already had an amigo... so, he became friend! NOTTT friendly at all to people riding him... except me.. we got along so he kind of just became my horse.
More details. Make me swoon dammit.	I asked her if she knew what a princess was... she said yes of course... then i gave her my number and said, call me when you want to be treated like one..
	No i wish. that would be awesome. We exchanged numbers and did the whole dinner and a movie thing and got along great. We have been in a honeymoon stage for 4.5 years now.
Do you have life insurance? I specifically remember the green knight dying in the show.	Real deaths... never heard of it. ive seen a lot of close calls though... buddy got kicked in the head by a horse... he got LUCKY. Minor injury. He did black out though and the show was over (it was at the end) But yea i do have life insurance. Im in the USAF Reserves so... they said i should.
No. Yes. Maybe...	Yes...
Do they serve alcohol? I could see it being a lot of fun to get loaded and cheer your team on.	You better believe it. Its pricy but have a few before you go. A FEW. Dont get tanked before hand, they'll throw you out. But during the show go nuts, yell and scream. They wont care.
What's the food there like?	Its ok now. Used to be amazing. Most people love it. Chicken, rib, garlic bread, soup, potato, and a pastry. I think thats all of it.
Went to a Medieval Times once, I was given a bowl of warm marinara and they called it "dragonbreath soup"	I think that's Excalibur in Vegas
What changed in the kitchen to make it less amazing?	They changed recipes and meals...new soup and stuff. Not sure really.
I went to the Medieval times in Toronto for my neice's birthday, and ended up buying a 2handed Scottish clay-more($650, you people ripped me off). Please settle this for me, my 9-year old neice and I (26) have been arguing for the last 6 weeks about this... If you were to battle another knight with it, do you think a 2 handed weapon would be viable in a fight?	Not me! I dont make those absurd prices! haha.
	It depends on the opponent. What do they have? I prefer a one handed sword and shield. BUT, a two handed sword(bigger and heavier) could potentially demolish a sword and shield with one blow. It relies heavily on the skill and weapon of the opponent. Give me more details and ill be happy to answer.
What was the worst injury you received?	I got lucky. Almost died a few times and almost broke my legs getting trampled by a horse. Almost snapped my knee backwards by getting kicked by a horse. Lots of close calls and minor injuries. Worst one I got was in the very beginning of a show ( i was the prince, white knight) in the very beginning of an ambush scene. I did a minor flip stunt and my down guy never supported me and I landed on my shoulder tearing my a.c. joint in my shoulder. THAT was an interesting fight. Finished it though... not the show.
Have you ever heard of anyone getting killed in an accident at a Medieval Times?	No, never.
What was the breakdown of time spent practicing/performing/anything else?	Practice is done everyday usually. Even on off days where no shows happen. Go in, warm up the horses, do some horse exercises, joust a bit, train new horses, train new guys, show fights. Basically thats an off day. Show days: show fights before the show...warm up your horse a bit, and thats it.
Can you speak Klingon?	Negatory sir.. Star Trek the new movie is cool... but thats my limit.
That's another Garden State reference. Too lazy for a link.	I know, just answering honestly
Ever seen the Tournament of Kings in Las Vegas at the Excalibur casino? If so, how does it compare to Medieval Times?	Never have, always meant to. I applied once when I thought of moving out there for a change of scenery and they told me I didnt have to audition. More money too... ugh. So I cant fairly say how it compares... I have heard they sing there and are a little more over the top.
I went to it once a few years ago... no singing, but it was awesome. I was hoarse for a few days because of all the shit-talk my section yelled to the other knights. I think my section was the purple Russian knight. Food was good too... especially the Dragon's Blood (spicy tomato soup).	Yelling is a plus at every show. kudos for the lost voice.
I went to the one in L.A. with my dad when I was eleven. I had a crush on our handsome blue knight. I couldn't talk for three days afterwards.	Thats a common problem even with legal girls... and its hilarious
Have you ever met the Black Knight? Did he set you on the right path as a teen and spark a lifelong dream to become a jouster? Was that really a cheeseburger I ate 2 hours ago?	I have, and he did. He was my inspiration. He was kind of a dick though.
	I'm not sure what you ate.
Is the king still called Alfonso? Because that was my favorite part.	No, the names all change. That was my favorite too
How historically accurate were your jousts, costumes, battles etc? Did you have to sacrifice accuracy for safety or audience enjoyment?	I know at one point the story line was very accurate to some history in spain. Now? Its all out the window and the only things accurate are the county names and knights names... supposedly.
Has being a knight in shining army help you get laid?	While employed there, plainly... yes.
Which is the most popular of the castles? My guess is Orlando.	California and NJ battle it out for busiest. And orlando i think is like 3rd.
Also are there any Knights that take it way too seriously?	Those guys never make it to the show. They take it way too seriously and love the medieval era, but are as coordinated as a 16 year old trying to fuck. Just bad. I Love the era, but didnt speak or act that way.
What was the worst/funniest thing to happen during a show?	Personally? Worst... 1. getting a sword to the face and bleeding everywhere and my fans not giving two flying fucks... "oh hes bleeding alot... can i have a beer" Fuck them.
	Getting trampled but a blur of white (white horse) and almost breaking both my legs.
	Tearing my a.c. joint in my shoulder in the beginning of the show in the beginning of the fight... awesome.
	Funniest: 1. Having a horse "jerk off" in the middle of the "dancing horses" part... I think i fell into the sand laughing so hard (no it wasnt the horse near me)
	One of the knights was trying to impress a lady during the games part... when really fast on his horse and was about to throw a javeline into a targer(imagine him up in his stirrups being all badassery) When his horse decides to come to a dead stop, flipping the knight over the horses head and almost out of the arena. he was fine... so it was fucking hilarious.
I really like getting drunk and going to the later shows so I can yell at the knights, can you here when someones yelling stuff like sweep the leg and play dead or does it all just washed out by everyone yelling? I always like to think the knights can hear me saying stupid things.	You guys are the best... my hats off to you and your buddies. You make the show better for us.
	During the fights, no we cant hear you normally. Adrenaline is pumping and we kind of just see each other and what we need to do next. Unless you have a very quiet show and your real loud up on the glass... yeah we hear you... youll even see us break character and laugh... happened to me all the time.. "PUT IT IN HIS ASSS" anddd im laughing. Totally unexpected things to throw us off make you a memorable person.
My buddy is one of the kings for the Orlando show - ever do any work with cast members from other locations? Also, is the show the same for all the locations or do they each have their own variations going on?	Ive been there before... and may be going actually next week or so. Yes the show is the same country wide, unless a new show is going in, then it will go castle to castle in a few months. Ive worked with guys at the NJ castle from almost every castle in the country. Injuries take a toll and people get flown in to help out.
I just might! What exactly do squires do? Clean stables and groom horses?	They do everything. Prep for the show, clean weapons, prepare lances, clean/wash/dress horses, paint shields, help the knights.
Edit: btw what do you do now?	Im trying to be a cop, but i work at teterboro airport right now.

Last updated: 2013-03-06 02:05 UTC | Next update: 2013-03-06 08:05 UTC
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