Best Printable Super Bowl Prop Bet Sheet 2021 for Your

So obviously the NFC was nuts this year, and no one can predict FA, the draft, injuries in camp or to star players next year, but looking ahead to next season, the NFC could be brutal from top to bottom. I'll run through the divisions and then try to explain myself more at the end.
NFC East
Philadelphia Eagles
Super Bowl champs, no obvious dents in their roster. They could use some depth at a few positions, but they don't have any glaring weaknesses. The big question is when MVP candidate Carson Wentz will be back (and how well he will play). The Eagles could potentially recoup some of their missing Day 2 picks by dealing Big Dick Nick Foles, but they had better make sure Wentz would be ready for week 1. Everyone should expect Philly to contend next season.
New York Giants
Even as one of the "worst" teams in the conference, they aren't too far off. A brutal season, no way around that. But they obviously showed they have the talent to compete in 2016, but the wheels fell off the bus in 2017. I'm not sure how much of that lands on McAdoo, but I'm going to assume a lot of it. He completely lost the locker room, and Shurmur should be better in that regard (although a monkey with a play sheet ought to be an upgrade over McAdoo, assuming the monkey didn't grease his hair back).
I like the hire of GM Dave Gettleman, who should do a decent job of cleansing the roster. This draft marks a big fork for the franchise, as they could pivot to the future with a QB, or try to fill (much needed) holes at RB and OL. Be on the lookout for the Giants to make a run at Andrew Norwell. The Giants still have a ton of talent on this team, on both sides of the ball. In either direction the franchise goes, At a minimum, I'd expect the Giants to at least be much more competitive than last year.
Dallas Cowboys
Better get your tickets now for the Ezekiel Elliot revenge tour 2018. He will be well rested and pissed. There are differing opinions on whether Dak can carry the team, but having Zeke in the backfield ought to make it a bit easier on him. The Cowboys need options for Dak outside of Elliot though. Dez and (especially) Witten are not the players they once were. The team also needs better interior line play and could look for some secondary help in the draft.
Regardless, Sean Lee (if healthy) is a stud. Zeke is a stud. The O-Line is full of studs. Lest we forget, the Cowboys were good in 2016. Having everyone back and healthy should allow Dallas to push the Eagles in the NFC East and be firmly in the Wild Card hunt. If not, Jason Garrett will probably be looking for a new job.
Washington Redskins
Injuries, injuries, injuries. As a Chargers fan, welcome to the club.
Holy hell were the Redskins decimated by injuries last year. Injuries happen to everyone, but Cousins must've thought he was in a huddle with the JV squad at points.
Speaking of which, people have differing opinions of him around the league. I almost can't fault his play this year given that he lost a bunch of weapons during the offseason and then a bunch (and some linemen) during the season. I don't think the needle moves much with Smith at the helm. They almost have to healthier next year, but Smith might be due for some regression after last year. He won't have Hunt, Hill, and Kelce anymore. I think Smith is good enough to make the Redskins a tough out, but I don't see them competing with Dallas or Philly. They have some money and a decent draft spot to shore up their front 7, but I just picture them as a tough 8-8ish team next season.
NFC South
Carolina Panthers
Who knows with Carolina. In the past 6 years, they've alternated between being above .500 and below .500. Cam's season last year seemed to be a microcosm of Carolina as a whole. Cam was wildly inconsistent, sometimes flashing his MVP form and other times, not so much. McCaffrey is undoubtedly a weapon for them, but who else is? Greg Olsen has big play ability, but Carolina has been in search of true weapons at WR for a while now. They're also at risk of losing star OG Andrew Norwell.
I'm thinking shakeups on the coaching staff light a fire under some of the players (looking at you, Shula). If Luke can stay healthy, the defense should be fine, although they need a replacement for an aging legend in Peppers.
I expect Carolina to buck their roller coaster trend and be in the playoff hunt next year.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Someday, the Bucs will put it together. They have the weapons on offense with Evans, Howard, D-Jax, and Winston. Doug Martin is gone, and Tampa needs to find an answer at RB. Winston has to step it up next year. The team fired Lovie Smith to keep Koetter to mentor Winston, but Winston has been slightly disappointing. But I don't think offense is necessarily the problem.
Their largest issue is pass rush. Tampa was dead last in sacks wiht only 22 on the entire year. They were one of only 3 NFC teams in the bottom 12 of the league (NYG and SF as well). If Indy doesn't get Chubb, it's possible he falls to them at No. 7, but outside of him, there just aren't that many solid pass rush prospects in this draft. If they can add pass rush and put the pieces together on offense, they will add to an already super dangerous NFC South.
Atlanta Falcons
Atlanta still has an extremely talented roster with few holes. The offense still has Matty Ice, along with outstanding 1-2 combos at WR (Jones-Sanu) and RB (Freeman-Coleman). This may be the last year of that RB duo, as Coleman could look to be No. 1 somewhere else. Extracting the talent from this offense falls on Sark...and who knows how that'll go. 2017 felt like we were all just waiting for the offense to pop, and yet it never really did. I expect a bounce back due to continuity.
I'd put my money on Poe leaving this offseason in search of long-term money, but Atlanta will still have a talented and quick defense. I trust Dan Quinn to keep the defense going strong. Atlanta has minor issues to figure out, but they too will be firmly in the playoff hunt.
New Orleans
Don't let Marcus Williams' whiff on the Minneapolis Miracle confuse you, he played great as a rookie, and was part of an outstanding rookie class. Brees ain't going nowhere, and neither are any of his weapons. Great OL play and the emergence of Michael Thomas and the RB duo of Ingram-Kamara have the Saints looking dangerous.
The Saints also aren't a pushover on defense anymore. They were 9th in sacks, 6th in FF, and 3rd in INTs. Getting Brees' contract sorted out and adding to last year's outstanding crop of young players are their only huge priorities. They'd like more out of the TE position, I'm sure, but this is a very good roster that will be in the Super Bowl mix next year.
NFC North
Green Bay Packers
Losing Rodgers for the bulk of the season was huge. Top to bottom, GB doesn't have an outstanding roster, but Rodgers is so fucking good that he masks a lot of that. They should have a healthy mix at RB, and Adams has emerged as a legit #1 WR (at least, imo). A healthier OL will do wonders for that offense. Jordy and Cobb are toss-ups, but having Rodgers back will restore some stock in them too.
The defense is interesting. They weren't really even middle of the pack, but having a sputtering offense puts a lot of pressure on a defense. They could look to pair another DB with Kevin King, or could find an heir apparent to Clay Matthews.
New GM Brian Gutekunst has some work to do with the roster...but c'mon guys. It's Aaron-fucking-Rodgers. Does anyone expect them to not be in the mix next year?
Chicago Bears
Da Bears will be one of the worst teams in the NFC next year. But they were this year and still showed some flashes. The Bears have more talent than people realize. Jordon Howard is a top 10 back in the NFL that has had to work with a combination of Hoyer, Glennon, Matt Barkley, Cutler, and a rookie Trubisky. Having any sort of passing game will open up the field for him. Staying at RB, Tarik Cohen is a spark plug that gives the Bears a much needed jolt. The OL isn't the absolute worst, but the WR corp is probably. Kevin White might actually be a ghost, so look for the Bears to add Trubisky some talent there.
On Trubisky...I don't know. I think he will be legit. And Fox wasn't doing him too many favors with play calling. But the weapons on offense were hot garbage and he still showed some flashes. Having more weapons and with Nagy whispering "RPO" in his ear, I think the 10Gawd will surprise some people.
Eddie Jackson and Leonard Floyd are legit ballers on that defense. Like the rest of the roster, there needs to be some more talent to fill out the rest, but if the Bears are the worst team in the NFC next season, that's a good sign for how strong the NFC is.
Detroit Lions
Stafford has proven that he can carry the offense with no running game, but Detroit has to find something at RB. Teams straight-up don't respect a rushing attack that hasn't produced a 100 yard rusher since Reggie Bush (!!) in 2013 (!!). Marvin Jones is a revelation, and Golden Tate pairs nicely with Stafford. If Eric Ebron can continue his strong finish to 2017, he could finally live up to his draft position and make the Lions' passing attack truly dangerous.
Much has been made about the Lions' pass rush, but they were respectable in that regard. They could certainly use a piece there, but they might also look to add a LB or DB. They were a top 3 defense in takeaways, and while that might regress, I don't think it will significantly so.
I think Patricia will light a fire under Detroit's asses and they'll be a strong contender for one of the wild card spots.
Minnesota Vikings
The O-Line took a huuuuge step forward, and could use some depth. Dalvin Cook will come back and add a spark to an offense that already features weapons in Diggs, Thielen, and Rudolph. Zimmer is a great coach, and that defense is...well we all know how fucking good the defense is,
This discussion starts and ends with the QB situation. I don't think I can remember such a weird QB situation in recent memory. Keenum was awesome all year, but is one year of great play enough to warrant a long term deal? Will he go elsewhere if someone does offer him one? And what about Teddy? He was making steps in his first two seasons and everyone expected him to make a step forward in year 3, but he damn near lost his leg instead. It's nothing short of a miracle that he saw game action this year, and I think we're all rooting for him in the future (right?). But if you're fresh off a NFC championship appearance and looking to capitalize on your window, can you bet the farm on a guy who has seen a handful of snaps in the last two years? And what about Cousins?
Who knows at this point. I'm interested to see what they do at QB, but regardless, we should all expect the Vikings to be in the hunt come December.
NFC West
Holy bloodbath, Batman! I'll admit I'm not super knowledgeable about the NFC West though.
San Fransisco 49ers
So uhhhhhhh Jimmy G and a shit load of cap space right? Right.
Props to GM John Lynch, who I was skeptical of when they hired him. Snagging Jimmy G (who I think, despite only 7 games, is a legit franchise QB) was amazing. The 49ers have a lot of holes on the roster, but they have a ton of cap space and a QB that everyone will want to play with. They'lll be a strong player for someone like Landry if he gets traded, and they'll look to add pieces on defense too. Expect them to continue their hot finish to 2017 (although maybe not that hot).
LA Rams
Goff took a major step forward with HC Sean McVay running this show. Gurley and Goff form an amazing battery in the backfield, and the Rams have some weapons at WR. They need to figure out what they're going to do with Sammy Watkins though. He's going to command a good amount of money for someone that was their #3ish WR. I don't think they ought to slap him with the franchise tag either. The line play was much better and Andrew Whitworth was a huge addition. I am curious though, how long his high level will sustain itself, given that he'll be 37 years old by next season's end.
On defense, Wade Phillips turned the unit into a top 5 team in terms of takeaways. Grabbing Marcus Peters in a trade with KC shored up a question mark at DB, and it will likely mean the team will likely move on from Trumaine Johnson. The line play was outstaning, led by Aaron Donald. They could use depth at LB, but this is another team without too many glaring needs.
Arizona Cardinals
This a team in flux, no doubt. Carson Palmer is gone, but his play had been tailing off for a while now. QB is a need that must be addressed, but they sit outside the top 10. With David Johnson returning (cannot understate what an addition that will be, just to have him back), and Fitz apparently willing to play until he's 85 to get a ring, look for the Cards to go for a veteran (Keenum, perhaps?). They have a weakness at the WR2-3 range, but that can be addressed in FA/draft. Depth along both lines is never a bad idea.
Chandler Jones is a sack artist, and Patrick Patterson is one of the best corners in the game. MLB Bucannon is solid, but the rest of the LB corps could use some work. If Baker can build on his rookie season and Mathieu can return to form, the secondary could be in good shape. New HC Steve Wilks likes to run zone, so the Cards might be looking to find some pieces that fit his style of play.
Seattle Seahawks
Oh how the turntables...
In what used to be a putrid NFC West, the Seahawks reigned supreme (although Jeff Fischer proved to be their kryptonite). Now the NFC West is looking like it'll be one of best in football, and the Seahawks are in the midst of an identity crisis The LOB is old and aching. Richard Sherman is coming back from an Achilles tear, which is absolutely brutal for any athlete. Earl Thomas voiced his desire to play elsewhere, and Kam Chancellor suffered a tough neck injury. The OL has always been a problem, and it doesn't seem to be getting that much better, even with the addition of Duane Brown.
Seattle cycled through RB's, and the hope is that Chris Carson can be their man. This team is Russell Wilson's now though, no doubt about that. I'm not sure Seattle can ground and pound teams like they used to. Will Seattle just try to out gun teams like the Houston-Seattle Week 8 game? The defense is still good, but I don't know Wilson and the defense will be enough to cover up growing holes on the roster. They'll still be a good team, and if healthy, in the playoff mix. But the NFC West is no longer a cake walk for Seattle.
WRAP UP
The NFC is going to be tough from top to bottom. The way I see it,
Playoff Mix: PHI, DAL, CAR, ATL, NO, MIN, GB, DET, and LA.
Right there is 9 already.
Maybes: WAS, SF, SEA, AZ, TB? NYG?
I feel like the only team I can definitively, 100% say won't be a playoff team is Chicago, and I still expect them to take a huge leap forward.
You never know how FA, the draft, and injuries will shake out, but every division in the NFC is going to be a bloodbath.
I hope you guys enjoyed! It's not anything ground-breaking, but I thought it would be a decent piece that would provide some offseason discussion. Feel free to tell me my ideas suck ass, and I'm sure I forgot about many, many things.

[Goldthirst Company] - Chapter 72 (Ashfall Keep 17)

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Stathis stumbled, barely conscious. Hakara was still desperately flinging bolts of flame at the banshee as it stalked towards Stathis, confident of victory. She blocked a punch, more of her shield shattering away, now useless for protection. Another punch, this impact straight into her arm, bone crunching under the assault.
‘Child of broken sunlight. Child of broken faith. Soul as sweet as any of life’s riches. I shall savour your soul, then devour those left alive in this place. And then when the seal breaks, a world awaits me. That which raised me calls to me, so that I might ascend into eternal darkness.’
Stathis swung her fist, barely any strength lift. It didn’t even bother to block, simply taking the strike, then punching back, something snapping in Stathis’ shoulder, pain wrenching her into a scream.
A bolt of lighting cracked into them, halting them for a moment. With one hand still grabbing Stathis by the shoulder, the skull-head turned and screeched at Hakara. This close, it added to the pain and disorientation, rattling Stathis’ teeth, seeming to make her entire skull shake and throb. Stathis punched and beat at it without effect, fist striking without causing any damage. It gripped her shoulder tighter, crunching the bones together, Stathis groaning in pain, unable to break free, unable to even fall to the ground for a moment of surcease. The skull turned back towards her, their eyes locking, Stathis feeling herself falling into the red glow, consciousness wavering.
A roar sounded from somewhere above, something gliding through the darkness. The banshee squeezed harder, shattering Stathis’ shoulder before tossing her aside. She slammed into the ground, trying to land as best she could, rolling to minimise the damage, her arm in agony. The banshee answered the roar with a screech of its own, ice storm intensifying as it leapt into the air, flying into the storm. A burst of flame met it, heat meeting ice, exploding into steam as the clouds spun above them, stars still crazily swirling and spinning.
Stathis hauled herself up, every movement sending jagged spikes of agony through her arm. The banshee was faster than the dragon, but was having to avoid claws and breath. More of the skeletons were still advancing towards them, as Stathis forced herself to move, lumbering towards Hakara, biting back the pain.
More screams and howls came from above, as Stathis slumped against a wall. Janaxia was still where she had been thrown, limbs splayed, blood oozing from her wounds. Stathis made herself move just a little further, leveraging herself downwards, sliding down to a sitting position, checking for breath and a pulse. Weak and erratic, but there.
Above, the battle raged, flame fighting frost, the bass roars of the dragon mingling with the screeches of the banshee. Stathis slumped against the wall as Hakara ran over, flinging spells into the darkness and holding off attackers. Even at this distance, the heat from the dragon could be felt, a dry and fierce thing.
‘Hakara, try and keep them back. We just need to hold them off and hope the dragon beats that thing. And that Parth and Semari are still alive, wherever they are.’ It took all she had to stay conscious, everything hurting, watching the stars above whirl around crazily as the dragon fought, great spouts of flame scarring the sky. Gods, everything hurt. A flash of movement, one of the creatures attacking Hakara, clawing for her.
Stathis moved without thinking, her entire body hurting as she pushed off the wall, and slammed into the attacker, dragging them down, feeling the cold pierce her body as she grappled them to the floor, punching as best she could before Hakara turned and blasted them. As the body faded away, another roar shattered the sky, and Stathis finally sank into darkness, unable to stay conscious.
Soft warmth surrounded her, distant birdsong in the air. She rolled over, savage spikes of pain immediately pulling her fully awake. Everything around her was white and soft, thin curtains wafting in a gentle breeze, a pillow beneath her head. With a groan, she pulled herself up, trying to ignore the pain. Some kind of infirmary? A noise made her turn her head, seeing another bed on the other side.
Janaxia was propped up on a ridiculous number of pillows, body wrapped in an elven gown that didn’t quite fit, pulled overly taut across her chest. An elf had a bowl of grapes, and was feeding to them to her one by one, while another was massaging her feet.
One of them looked up, putting the grapes to one side. ‘Hauleni, thou awakens.’ He stood, moving around the bed and ignoring Janaxia’s sigh of disappointment. ‘Our healing items are scarce, but we cared for you as best we could.’
Stathis shifted, pulling herself up in the bed. Her arm was bound and strapped in a cast, with a light shift covering the rest of her body, bruises and gashes over the rest of her body, her shoulder flaring with pain as she moved.
‘Thanks. So, I guess we won? Did Parth and Semari make it?’
Janaxia answered. ‘Semari was afflicted with a curse of petrification, but was recovered from that with no ill effects. Parthenelle was somewhat singed, but has been in discussion with her kin for quite some time, I have not had the chance to speak to her. I didn’t know she was of such exalted position, were you aware?’
‘She’s an elf, they’re all nobles, aren’t they? Ever since the Empire fell, most of them have some kind of fancy title, guess that’s what happens when most of the population dies at once. Anyway, are you OK? The banshee had worked you over pretty badly when I got there.’
‘A few broken ribs and suchlike, so I’m told. Although I am concerned about the consequences.’ She pulled back part of her robe, revealing soft, brown skin, bandages placed over some of her injuries, a herbal scent coming from beneath, some elven brew at work. ‘What if it scars? Unlike yourself, I lack both the physique and the complexion for such things!’
Stathis sighed. ‘So Semari and Parth both made it through? That’s a relief. Shit, what about Hakara? And the dragon? Is that thing still around, or did the banshee manage to kill it?’
A loud voice came from the other side of the room, excessively loud. Lounging on a chair was a tall, well-built woman, wearing robes of bright crimson silk, layered fabric of different shades and tints, inlaid with gems and golden thread. The cat was on her lap, one elegantly manicured hand stroking it, a steaming cup held in the other. ‘The beast had a damn good go, but without that mist to distract me, I was able to defeat her. Not the most sporting of battles, but when there’s an abomination such as that about, then sport is decidedly lessened in importance, I feel.’ A gemstone on her forehead glinted with fiery sparks as she moved, allowing the cat to dismount before approaching. ‘Hauleni Stathis, it seems as though I have missed rather a lot in my enforced rest. As I will be here for some time, it would be a pleasure to talk further. Without the intervention of your cohorts, then I would have been preserved here for even longer, which would have been most inconvenient. But it seems I will be staying for some time, I do have a price to extract, after all.’ They grinned, showing sharp teeth, eyes gleaming with a touch of fire.
‘Thanks. Uh, no problem. So, you’re the dragon?’
Stathis looked her up and down – her eyes were decidedly lizard-like, and her nails could be claws, or she might just like them long. She didn’t look that distinct from an archmage, except for the slight heat haze that warped the air around her, the scent of scorch and ash wafting from her.
‘Indeed. I find this form somewhat easier when interacting with the, shall we say, lesser races. My true form seems to be met with awe; flattering, but often inconvenient. But since you require rest, allow me to recommend the baths – although fallen from their full glory, they are still something to be savoured.’
Janaxia tossed her hair. ‘Indeed, Lady Gintestarrak. Would you like to walk with me to the baths? The waters are indeed quite recuperative.’
A sudden look of consternation came over her face, swiftly masked. ‘Of course, Janaxia.’ She leant in close to Stathis and whispered. ‘How do you get rid of her? She’s indefatigable, and has already corrupted my cat to her cause! I have no desire to couple with some mere human, but she refuses to leave me alone!’ She raised her voice to a normal volume. ‘My thanks again, Hauleni Stathis.’
With a look of grim resignation, she approached Janaxia, who groaned and puffed her way out of bed, robe slipping enough to show that she had suffered some ugly and massive bruises, leaning more of her weight than was necessary on the dragon, before they made their way out of the room, Janaxia giving overwrought gasps of pain with each step, the dragon simultaneously trying to support her while maintaining as little contact as possible. The cat had clearly transferred loyalties, jumping onto Janaxia’s shoulders, rubbing its face against hers with a happy “mew”. Janaxia’s arm was securely around Gintestarrak’s waist, holding her tight, as the dragon shot a glance at Stathis, clearly hoping for some reprieve.
Stathis sank back down into bed, glad of some peace, despite having only just regained consciousness. Everyone had survived, it seemed. Hidden by the sheets, she channelled some of her power, the pain lessening, although the wounds inflicted by the banshee resisted her powers. Thick black marks ringed her arm, cold and sore to the touch, her shoulder aching whenever she moved, not set right. A dragon? Well, at least she might keep Janaxia distracted; between that and the lures of elven baths and massages, she probably wouldn’t be complaining too much. Although meeting someone she couldn’t seduce might make Janaxia stroppy – she was probably salivating at the chance to add a dragon to her conquests.
Stathis managed to lever herself off the bed, vision swimming as blood rushed to her head. Thankfully, the loose robe she had been dressed in was suitable to move in, as she managed to stagger into the hallway. If she supported herself using the wall, it didn’t hurt quite as much. But it still hurt a lot. With unsteady, lurching steps she managed to make her way down the hallway, finding steps downwards, with steam wisping out, hip and arm aching with every step.
‘Hey, you’re up! You’re moving like an old lady though. And not, like, a badass old lady, but the old and hobbling kind.’ Semari lightly skipped down the steps ahead of her. ‘Want a hand?’
Stathis expected Semari to support her, but instead Semari ducked in front of her, grabbed her ankle with one hand and pushed her shoulder into Stathis’ stomach, taking the weight along her back and simply lifting her, and then walking down the stairs. It hurt less than walking, but was somewhat embarrassing, especially as she struggled to keep her robe closed, and not smash her head against the wall on the way.
‘You doing OK? You looked pretty messed up when you got bought in here. I got turned to stone by that bastard mist. Woke up to find some elf rubbing oil into me, that was a bit wierd. If I’m gonna get oiled up by a stranger, they could at least find a nice buff one, or have asked first! Although gave me a decent rubdown, I guess. Took about a day to be able to move properly again. Dragon-lady seems nice, for a dragon. Hasn’t tried to eat Janaxia’s soul. Well, yet. Maybe she’ll get around to it later.’ It sounded as though she was hoping for this outcome.
‘What about Parth? Is she OK?’ Talking while being jolted and bounced around was awkward, her breath continually being pushed out from her lungs as Semari’s shoulder pushed into her.
‘Got a bit singed, but she’s been with Cerondyari. Doing, like, elf stuff.’ She waggled her hands, twisting Stathis around on her shoulders to let her see, narrowly missing smashing Stathis’ head against the wall. ‘I dunno, like, getting in touch with her ancestors and stuff? Although ancestors are normally, like, dead and stuff. Wait, Janaxia has ancestors, and Parth’s got ancestors. I bet you’ve got, like, shiny ancestors or something, all glowy and everything. That sucks, how come I don’t get any ancestors?’
‘You’ve got Kethys, you’ll probably bump into her again, right?’
‘Yeah, but she’s not all, like, cool and magical and stuff. She just uses poisons and stealth and stuff, and she’s not even dead or anything special like that! She just steals things. I mean, cool things, I guess, like the Sword of Roses, or the Eye of the Drowned God, but nothing that exciting.’
Stathis’ head was starting to hurt from being jolted around, as she tried to process this. ‘The Sword of Roses? That vanished over a decade ago, from the vaults of Astrivar. It was supposed to have been stolen by… Wait. Are you saying that Kethys is the Ghost Spider?! The legendary thief?’
Semari’s shrug was uncomfortable, a shoulder pushing hard against a broken rib. ‘Well, yeah. I thought you knew. But it’s not like she’s a super-badass dead wizard-knight, or the woman that managed to actually to get the twelve cities to actually talk to each other without bloodshed, or a bunch of super-old not-dead elves. And you know that old stuff is always, like, crazy powerful. At least, when it’s not evil and broken and trying to kill us. Kethys is cool, but not that cool.’
They descended to the bottom, stepping into a changing room, Semari carefully putting Stathis back down, before stripping off herself. The petrification didn’t seem to have left any obvious scars, at least amongst the various other healed scars and old wounds on her body. Well, if she was going to fight without armour, then it was scarcely a surprise. There were a few blackened bruises from the ghosts, but nothing more serious.
With her body complaining, Stathis managed to stand and remove her robes, and made her way towards the baths. She slipped into the water with an ungainly splash, soaking into the warmth, even as it stung her wounds. That Semari had some unusual contacts should not have come as a surprise, but the Ghost Spider? Explained why Semari had gotten into thievery, even if not her combat skill. Everyone thought that the Ghost Spider was dead as well, but Kethys must just have retired or something.
Janaxia emerged from beneath the water, sweeping her hair back out of her face, carefully arranging it around her horns, before settling herself down next to Stathis. Her tattoo was more obvious, the black lines seeming sharper and better defined than before, although it wasn’t moving at the moment.
‘Ah, you seem to be recovering well. Another scar, but I’m sure it will fade in time. Although I am rather concerned about the wound from the unicorn.’ She rose slightly out of the water, revealing her chest, water beading over her smooth skin. There was a puncture wound in her shoulder, mostly healed, marring her flesh. ‘You bear your wounds well, but I simply don’t have the physique for such a thing!’ She moved closer, almost pushing herself against Stathis. ‘Do you think it will scar? While a little wound might be dashing, this could be disastrous! Anything off the shoulder may simply be impossible to wear, due to that irksome beast.’
Stathis shuffled away slightly. ‘It doesn’t look that bad, I’m sure it’ll heal fine, and scars fade over time. How have you never been stabbed before?’
‘It seemed a rather unpleasant prospect, so I did what I could to avoid it. I can scarcely be blamed if enemies would rather target the foe in front of them! Perhaps invest in some better armour?’ Her eyes roamed over Stathis’ body. ‘Black and blue are really not your colours, I must say.’ She reached out, running a finger over a blackened bruise, just hard enough to sting. ‘It was very brave of you though, to charge in like that. It would have been nicer had you been a little faster to arrive, but I suppose you had other concerns. But aside from the thrust from that equine beast, my own wounds appear to be healing well.’
She stood, body emerging from the water, slowly spinning to show off her body – the bruises stained her ribcage and hips, a bandage wrapped around a thigh. The tattoo moved as she turned, shifting around onto Janaxia’s back and then returning to its normal position, as though keeping Stathis in sight. Janaxia posed there, apparently waiting for further comment, as Stathis tried to make herself comfortable, the stone scraping her bruises and wounds.
‘They look like they’ll be fine, I’m sure you have nothing to worry about. And you’ll still look good in whatever you wear, you know that. Where’s the dragon gone, did she ditch you?’
A frown crossed her face. ‘She prefers the hottest chambers, which are a little too warm for me, at least for long. She seems rather taciturn, trust be told – I was expecting her to be a little more open to friendship. Although Llewdu is rather more friendly, so I hope to breach that barrier soon.’
‘He’s a dragon-kitty!’ Semari yelled as she shot through the air, splashing into the water, before Janaxia explained.
‘Gintestarrak placed part of her essence into Llewdu – something akin to a witch’s familiar, but with rather more finesse and power.’
Stathis leant back, soaking in the soothing warmth, allowing Janaxia’s chatter to wash over her. Nothing seemed to be on fire, exploding or getting caught in an explosion of time, so it seemed safe to rest.

Super Bowl LII Prop Bet Sheet

I was a Superintendent in the strangest building ever...Part 8

Hello, NoSleep. It’s been a while. I started posting the events I experienced at the building I called the Royal over a year ago. I stopped rather abruptly, and without much explanation. Putting these nightmarish experiences on paper takes its toll, and I’ve been in a kind of daze since then. Still, the events chase me to no end. They’re a nightmare I can’t shake. My silence was an attempt to run away from them, but they keep coming back to haunt me. They flash through my head every time I drive past an apartment building. Those towering behemoths frighten me more than anything, knowing that whatever eldritch horror possessed the Royal could be inside any one of them. Still, it’s been cowardly for me to try to run away from the events I had such a vital part in. I hope some of you readers from a year ago are still hanging around to read them. If not, I hope that by continuing this, I can help someone new. If any of you witness anything strange in an apartment building, or building with more than one floor, I urge you to get it out there. I don’t know for sure what happened to that building, or why. But I know that it could happen again, and nothing frightens me more than that.
Below are links to the first part, and the last:
Part 1 https://www.reddit.com/nosleep/comments/4286z0/i_was_a_superintendent_in_the_strangest_building/
Part 7 https://www.reddit.com/nosleep/comments/48hkci_was_a_superintendent_in_the_strangest_building/
Your reading this and your comments helped me get some semblance of sanity back in the past, and I hope it will do so again. So, without further pause for those of you who have waited over a year for the next part, here it is:
I was standing with my palms flat on the cold surface of Felipe’s security desk. The events of 15B shot past lips stiff with the will to hold back the nausea that had clung to me on my way out of that God-forsaken kitchen. Somehow, I was able to tell Felipe what had happened without having to swallow any lead-hot bile, my forehead slicked with the effort to hold vomit back. When I saw Felipe’s face, I also saw that I hadn’t gotten rid of the piggy-backing nausea, only transferred it.
Felipe traced his lower lip with absently, he spoke with a voice strained with the skeletal chokehold of anxiety, “It’s getting stronger, bolder, manifesting in more complex ways, targeting more tenants at a time.” We resolved to establish a clearer line of communication once I entered an affected apartment. There was a grave weight hanging over our heads as Felipe and I settled on a system that pretty much just consisted in my calling him, once I confirmed something was acting up that shouldn’t (or shouldn’t be able to). Then I’d let him in.
We both agreed, looking around the empty lobby on a morning so hot the windows were fogging up on the other side, that we couldn’t afford to lose another apartment…not after losing an entire floor. Felipe said that, with 15B gone, we’d lost seven apartments in total. Whatever the cost, we had to keep that number as low as possible. He said he didn’t know what would happen if we lost more than ten units, if anything, but Felipe declared we wouldn’t (and couldn’t) find out. I nodded my agreement about five times and left the lobby wondering if our call-the-second-something’s-off policy would make much of a difference. I didn’t have to wait long to find out.
Felipe called in a strange one just a couple of days later, “11C, someone’s locked out of the master bedroom. Could be something, call me if it is.” I said I would, thinking that, if it came to that, it’d be a little alarming for a tenant to see the super calling someone nervously, then letting the security guard in for what would probably just look like a busted appliance. I’d cross that bridge when I got to it, though. For now, all I could do was grab my kit and walk to the service elevator. When the double-doors slid apart, I stepped in without (much) hesitation. When they met again, the elevator began its steady ascent. The electric ding as we reached the 11th floor made me look towards the already opening doors that would lead me to my next call.
I was relieved to see that the elevator bank was empty, then remembered that I was probably there to play the role of a turnkey. Regardless, if a tenant had misplaced their keys (the ring with the master and copies of each key was probably stored in the master bedroom) then they wouldn’t risk going out through their front door. Whatever the case, I plopped my kit down beside me, thumping the door with a knuckle. In seconds the front door swung open. Not a good sign, as if anything in this building ever was. A disheveled woman stood in the open maw of the doorway, droplets of sweat traced glistening tracks across a face pale with worry. I spoke first, but only because, given the way she looked, I might have had to stand there for minutes otherwise.
“You’re locked out of the master bedroom?” She bang to stutter a response, so I shot my hand out in front of her in a lame attempt at a handshake, “Hi, sorry, I’m the Super. If we haven’t met, it’s just because nothing’s busted in your place yet.” That seemed to bring back some of her color, but she cast a nervous glance toward the rest of the apartment behind her. I didn’t like that, not one bit. I would have called Felipe then and there, if I didn’t think it’d rob her of the little peace of mind I’d brought back my speck of humor. “I think…” she said, half to her herself, more than half. “You misplaced the master keyring? I bet it’s in a drawer just past that locked bedroom door, we’ll get that right out for you. You-” I was about to tell her that she should keep her keys somewhere where the doors didn’t lock, the kitchen drawer, I’d suggest, but she cut me off with a sudden, frightening yelp of a reply, “No! The door’s not locked, I can get it open, it’s just…”
She didn’t have to say any more. I knew that she’d said “locked bedroom door” because it sounded saner than whatever was actually wrong. I nodded, “Show me.” She took a step backward, scooting a bit to let me through the open front door, and step ahead of her. She wanted me to go first. I didn’t blame her, but I wasn’t too happy about it either.
“Something’s acting up, isn’t it? An appliance?” The woman looked at me with genuine confusion. “No, it’s my husband, something’s wrong with my husband.” Her voice still came in shy trickles that suggested something like shock. I fidgeted towards the kitchen’s general direction, but the woman moved for the main corridor. As I followed her, my hand drifted absent-mindedly to the pocket that cradled my cell.
The woman began leading me towards the master bedroom door, which I saw was closed. I frowned, wondering if perhaps the woman was worse off than my initial impression. “I thought you said the door wasn’t locked…” The tenant replied without turning to look at me, she just kept walking to the door, her voice as flat as her pace, “It’s not locked, just shut.” As we got nearer, I started to ask her if she would mind if I called a friend for additional help, but part of me still convinced the rest that I should wait until I’d actually seen the building’s latest outburst of strangeness.
When she got to the door, the middle-aged tenant turned the knob in one monotonous motion that morphed into her pushing the door open. She stepped in as a continuation of that single, not-so-fluid movement, shuffling to one side almost politely so I could follow her in unobstructed. I started to wonder if my theory of her suffering from shock was right after all. Then I swallowed my doubt and followed her into the darkened room.
The lights were off and the shades drawn tight, the only light came from the open door behind me. With it, I could only see a dark lump underneath an otherwise uniform landscape of sheets. “Would you mind sliding that curtain open a bit?” “Of course,” from the tenant as she was already walking to the simple pulley mechanism that swiveled the shades apart. I eyed the shape on the bed as she started to crank the plastic-and-string contraption and the afternoon sun blasted into the room with each jerk of the curtain.
The slits of sunlight revealed that there was, indeed, someone lying under the covers. I could see their features, rendered as small mountain ranges on that otherwise smooth fabric. “Sir? Are you all right?” I took a tentative step towards the bed, my fingers already slipping underneath the lip of my pocket, one particularly jumpy fingernail already tapping the hard plastic of my phone.
As I stepped forward, the bedsheets curled upwards. Writhing like they were alive. The head under the covers bucked towards me. It rose, moving the rest of the sheet with it as it went. The figure in the bed sat up. The sheet was draped around it. The fabric folding seamlessly, smooth like skin. The sunlight from the window hit the sheet from the side. The light shone through it, revealing a pinkish material that really did seem like skin, crisscrossed with purple veins underneath. There was a reddish shape in the center.
“Jesus Christ…” I took a step back towards the door. With the shades drawn, I could see the shape inside the skin more clearly. It looked like an embryo, or a fetus…Purple/red eye-like shapes moved towards me. I backed away from the bed, stepping towards the door. My hand was subconsciously moving towards my pocket. My finger hooking around my cellphone. All the while, the lady stared at me, never moving. I took out my cellphone and motioned towards her. “We have to get out…” As I moved, the shape in the sheet/skin followed me with its head. “Lady, come on!” She finally acknowledged me. As I stepped backwards out of the apartment, she stumbled out after me.
I immediately pulled the door closed. I locked it with a key in my crowded keyring. I jabbed my phone against my ear. Felipe picked up after the first ring. “You got something?” he asked nervously, “Yeah! Get up here! Something’s got the husband on the bed…it’s covering him like a second skin-” “The bed? Was there an electric blanket on it, or something?” “I dunno! Get UP HERE!” I stabbed the “END” button, turning to look at the woman. She was staring at me with lifeless, wide eyes. Shock, I thought again. From behind the closed bedroom door, I heard muffled shuffling. Then something thumped against the floor. It had gotten off the bed. Something bumped against the door. The crack underneath it blackened, then became a pinkish/red. The sheet-thing was pushing itself through…squeezing out of the door crack, flattening itself.
“Away from the door! Come on!” I led her into the living room. The front door led right into it, so I’d be able to let Felipe in right away. I put my hand on the woman’s shoulder to push her towards the front door. The second I did, I noticed something was wrong. The fabric of the woman’s shirt was too smooth. It felt like skin. I yanked my hand away from it. As I did, tendrils of fabric shot up towards my palm. If I’d held on any longer, they’d have wrapped around it. “Lady…what?” I backed away from her. With the living room curtains drawn, I couldn’t see her clothing too clearly…but it appeared to by writhing, threads of fabric squirming like worms. She was wearing a short-sleeved blouse, but the sleeves were quickly crawling lower and lower. Soon, they had reached her wrists.
“Oh…God…” I backed away from her. She stepped towards me. Her limbs moved awkwardly. Like her clothes were pulling them forward. The neckline of her blouse shot up, swallowing her mouth and climbing towards her forehead. Her arms cracked, snapping towards me. I stepped backwards, and suddenly something slammed against the back of my shins. I tumbled, falling to sit on the floor. In front of me, between me and the lady, was my toolkit. I grabbed it, shaking hands struggling to open it.
The woman took another step forward. Suddenly, the worm-threads that made up her living clothes began wriggling madly. They rocked her body forward. Her arms shot up. Her upper torso twisted wildly. Her limbs flailed with it. The movements became faster and faster. Soon, her arms, torso, and head were all moving in a whirling, circular motion. Her arms became a spinning blur. I heard cracks and pops as her bones broke apart and her body spun towards me. One of my hands was holding a hammer from my toolkit. Turning my head, I saw an open bathroom door next to me. I scrambled towards it.
I shot to my feet as soon as I crossed the doorway, pushing the door shut. Once I did, I something slammed against it so hard the door rattled in its hinges. I was panting. Droplets of sweat stung my eyes. Remembering Felipe, I grabbed my cellphone again. If he opened the front door, the woman would be right in front of it…The phone rang and rang, then disconnected. “Damn it!” I lowered it. No reception. The tile walls around me made sure of that. As I surveyed the bathroom, however, my eyes landed on something. A metal ring poked out of the wall next to the sink, on it hung a red hand towel. I stared at it. The frilly fabric suddenly started moving. Thousands of tiny threads squirmed like worms. The towel swung on the wall-ring. “Oh…shit…” It slipped out of it, landing in a bundle on the floor, about three feet away from me. The phone was still pressed against my ear. The dial tone rang and rang. My other hand pointed the hammer in the towel’s direction.
The red threads wriggled to life once more. The edge of the towel closest to me began to rise, turning to face me like a little head on a flat body…it looked like a small, red stingray. It fluttered, the thousands of threads wiggled against the tiles, pushing the towel-body forward like legs on a centipede. When it was about a foot away from me, it suddenly froze. All the threads straightened, making the towel rise slightly on the tiles. Then they all bent downward, freezing once more. I dropped my phone, grabbing the hammer with both hands. I knew what it was going to do. The threads straightened again, but this time with an unearthly force. The motion propelled the towel upwards. It sprang, curling through the air. It spread apart as it neared my face, its threads fluttering like a million tongues. I screamed, swinging the hammer towards it. The hammer’s head struck the whirling fabric, sending it flying against the far wall. The towel plopped against it, but instead of falling back towards the floor, it stuck there. I gripped the hammer, arching it towards it and readying for another swing. The threads were twitching against the wall, the towel crawled up the tile. Its thread-legs straightened, it was readying to jump once more.
An electronic doorbell echoed through the apartment. Felipe was here. I turned towards the door for less than a second, but it was enough. The towel-thing shot through the air, the threads fluttering as it went. It slammed against my ear. I swatted at it with my empty hand, pulling it away from me. I could feel each individual thread smacking against my skin, prodding, shooting towards my open ear. I ripped it off of my head, watching as it squirmed towards my shirt. The towel was trying to get at my clothes…undoubtedly so it could infect them with the unnatural life it possessed. I pulled it away, noticing the toilet and moving towards it. The towel squirmed in my hands, trying to get loose. The threads became stiff, becoming as hard as toothpicks and stabbing into my hand. I kicked the toilet seat up. I threw the towel-thing up in the air like a baseball then swatted it with the hammer. It plopped into the open toilet bowl. I slammed the toilet seat and cover down with my foot. I went to flush, then thought better of it. Something wet plopped against the underside of the toilet cover a couple of times, then stopped.
The front door opened with a, “Hello?” from Felipe. He called out my name. I responded through the bathroom door, “Watch out! It’s got the woman! Get away from her!” “There’s no one here.” I opened the bathroom door. Felipe was standing in front of it. “We gotta find out what’s getting them,” he said. I nodded, closing the bathroom door behind me. Felipe closed the front door. “We can’t let it get out. So, you said the bed got the husband?” “Yeah.” “And you didn’t see any electronics on it?” “No. It got the wife, too. It’s something in her clothes. The fabric. I was in the bathroom, and a towel attacked me-” In spite of his familiarity with the building, and its insane circumstances, Felipe chuckled. “A towel?” “Yeah-” I froze. The woman was back. She was holding a bundle in her arms…sheets, dozens of them. Her face was covered by the fabric of her blouse, now. Her hands had disappeared under elongated sleeves.
Felipe’s hand went to the revolver on his belt. I eyed it nervously. The woman dropped the sheets. Immediately, they came to life. A white one flapped upwards into the air, spreading and floating on an invisible breeze. It flew towards us like a giant, living kite. Felipe drew his gun. Another sheet hit the floor, it coiled into another, twisting into a tube of cloth. It slithered like a giant, cloth tentacle. The other sheets wrapped around the woman. They found their way to her sleeves, stretching her unnatural arms even further. Felipe pushed me towards the kitchen door. Just as we went through it, the sheet kite flew towards us.
Felipe slammed the kitchen door. Something immediately fluttered underneath the crack, the kite was pushing itself through. Felipe and I stepped backwards, he turned to speak to me, “We have to find out what’s causing this, if we stop it it should stop all of these things. It has to be an appliance, it always has been-” Felipe and I shared a sudden look of realization, “The washing machine.”
The flying sheet was halfway through the door crack when Felipe and I ran for the laundry room. I propped the laundry room’s door open with the hammer. The lights were off inside. The hum and drone of a laundry machine in full swing filled the small space. I flipped the lights on. Felipe was behind me, he alternated between facing the laundry room and the kitchen door, watching for the woman. Next to him, on a wood block on the kitchen counter, was a set of knives. He pulled one out. I stepped through the doorway. In the far corner, I could see an age-yellowed washing machine bucking in place. “There it is.” I took a step towards it. The door plopped open. A froth of soap suds grew out of the opening like a foaming, rabid mouth. “You might wanna hurry up…” I turned. Felipe was looking at the kitchen door. The woman stood there. The sheet kite swirled around her. It landed on her shoulder. She lifted her massive arms effortlessly towards us. They were at least five feet long each. She suddenly sprinted towards us. Her upper body twisted, the arms spinning into a blur. The sheet kite swirled away from her, shooting towards Felipe.
It flew through the air, Felipe raised his kitchen knife. As the sheet flapped close to his head, he stabbed the knife into it. The sheet thrashed against it. It drooped over Felipe’s arm. Just as it did, he extended his arm, tossing the knife into the far wall. The knife took the sheet with it, stabbing it into the wall. The sheet squirmed in place. Felipe turned to shout to me, “Go for the washer! I’ll hold her back!”
I ran into the laundry room, turning just in time to see the woman raise her massive, whirling arms, and Felipe raising the hammer and his revolver. I slid on the tile floor of the laundry room, skating towards the machine in the back. The floor was covered with soap suds and water. The washer was ahead of me, its bucking slamming the door against the inactive dryer next to it. I gripped the hammer and turned to shoot a glance at Felipe.
The woman swung her massive arms wildly. The fabric-morphed limbs were heavy and thick, like mallets. They shook, trembling, twisting and swooping wildly. Felipe stepped back, he grabbed another knife off the rack, and stuck it in front of him. One of the mallet-fists quaked towards him. Felipe slashed at it, excising a strip of cloth from the bulbous fist. A muffled shriek sounded off from the depths of the creature-tenant’s cloth-smothered head. “Hurry! Please!” Felipe shouted at me without turning.
I ran into the laundry room, skating on the sud-covered floor. Behind me, I could hear the sounds of a struggle. I reached the washing machine. It rocked from side to side with the force of its churning innards. Foam spilled from the open door like the mouth of a rabid animal. I gripped the hammer and stepped towards it. As my foot smacked the wet tile in front of its open door, something slid out of the open door. It was a tangle of cloth, twisted into a knotted cylinder. It slapped onto the wet tile, its entire length dropping out of the machine and rolling into a pile. I froze, waiting for the cloth to move. It shot up suddenly, the cloth becoming taut, like a muscle. It wrapped around my leg with a wet slurp, twisting like a tentacle. I yelped and grabbed at it. My fingers dug into the wet cloth, scratching at the soapy, water-strengthened fabric. It didn’t budge. One end of the cloth-tentacle snaked back into the open washing machine. My eyes widened. I grabbed the length of the cloth to try to pull it back, but it was too late. The whirling machinery inside the washer churned and growled like an animal. It spun the cloth tentacle. It twisted forward, yanking my leg as it spun. My back smacked the wet tile as I fell, my leg pulled out from under me. I grabbed at the dryer, trying desperately to pull my leg out of the cloth snare.
The tentacle constricted. My pant-leg bulged with the pressure. The fabric of my jeans seemed to be swelling to life, the wet fabric of the tentacle writhed, threads digging into the jean fibers and melding with them. The tentacle pulled my leg forward, inching my foot towards the open washer door. Inside, the spinning washing drum whirled, growling in anticipation. My grip on the dryer faltered, and I was pulled across the wet floor further. My other hand still held the hammer. I swung it, striking the wet tentacle just above my leg. The fabric whipped back with the force of the impact, but seemed unfazed. My foot struck the edge of the washer’s opening. The spinning tentacle twisted my leg at an odd angle. I screamed as my ankle popped against my shoe. In a few seconds, the washer’s tentacle would break my leg, and pull me inside. I kicked the washer with my free foot, denting it, but damaging it no further. I dropped the hammer, gripping the tentacle with both hands. I propped my free foot against the washer’s side, betting it all on one last idea. Using my new foothold, I pulled the tentacle with every ounce of strength. The tentacle ripped loose from the washer’s whirling interior. It writhed freely, slapping at the wet floor. Its free end coiled around my arm. I struggled against it. The washer’s open door swung lazily as the machine bucked from side to side.
I grabbed the hammer from the floor. The tentacle constricted my other arm, snaking towards my shirt’s sleeve. I moved towards the open washer. I gave the hammer one last look, thinking that, if this didn’t work, I’d be weaponless. The tentacle was now fully fused to my pant leg, the other end was already merging with my shirt sleeve. I tossed the hammer into the open washer. I kicked the door close with my free foot. Instantly, the hammer slammed around the interior. It banged as the washer spun it, slamming against the closed door and the washer’s insides. The pained groaning of metal on metal filled the laundry room. More pops and bangs sounded off as the hammer scraped the washer’s inside, cracking the door and denting the interior in every possible angle. The tentacle uncoiled suddenly, its threads shooting in every direction like flailing, desperate limbs. Something like a pained screech screamed out from the washer. It was dented even further, a hole had formed on one side. It was busting from the inside out, its previously cubed shape bulging outwards every which way. I slid way from it. Its back was smoking, it bucked upwards wildly, smacking against the floor and the dryer next to it. Suddenly, something blasted out of its back. The interior drum screeched to a halt. Smoke drifted out of the shattered door. The washer was finally still. The tentacle, which had been taut like a muscle, deflated instantly. It coiled outwards, the knot undoing itself.
I pulled my leg out of it, uncoiling it from my sleeve and tossing it as far as I could. I rose unsteadily, pain sparking out from an ankle that was probably sprained. I limped out of the smoke-filled laundry room, moving towards the kitchen. “Felipe?” I asked nervously. In the center of the kitchen, I could see two figures lying under a pile of knotted fabric. “Felipe!” Forgetting my hurt ankle, I ran towards them. I tossed the bundles of cloth away, uncovering Felipe and the tenant. Felipe’s face was bruised. His arms held out the knife in front of him. There were cuts on his arm. The tenant lay on top of him. The knife was stuck into a knot of fabric in between both of them. There were several cuts on the woman’s arms and face, but she seemed mostly alright. Felipe opened his eyes. I let out a sigh of relief. “You got it?” he asked. I nodded, helping him to his feet. Below us, the woman breathed heavily, seemingly unconscious.
Felipe and I sat on the security desk. We stared at an ambulance through the closed lobby doors. Two emergency workers hauled the still-unconscious bruised and cut woman into the back. Her husband had been taken in another ambulance, equally unconscious, with something like a rash all over his upper body. Felipe and I answered a couple of questions, spinning a strange narrative. Evidently, the washing machine had malfunctioned, harming both tenants as it whirled wildly. We had gone in to help them after hearing the strange noises coming from the laundry room, and had fallen victim to the wild, self-destructive machine. We couldn’t explain the strange and uneven distribution of wounds between them and ourselves, but we chalked it up to a bucking, out-of-control machine and glass from the shattered door. In the end, the emergency responders weren’t really there to interrogate us or deduce the nature of the strange situation, they were there to take the two tenants to the hospital. When they eventually woke up, they remembered very little about the machine and even less about us, but were grateful.
“We did good,” Felipe said, sitting behind the desk and watching the ambulance drive away. His face didn’t show relief, or pride, but still nervousness and fear. We may have won in 11C, but there was still a building full of apartments above us. Any one of them could act out again. All we could do was wait, and fight back when that inevitably did happen again. Whatever kind of game we were involved in, we couldn't let the building win. But, for the moment, we had one more win for our side. That put us at 3 to 7, in the building’s favor. We had a lot of catching up to do… I’ll post again soon, this story’s not over yet, despite my long bout of silence.

[EVERYTHING] S7 Premiere Prop Bets?

How can I create an updating "Leaderboard" using score generated in a sheet?

[Table] IAMA Manager at a Little Caesars.

[Table] IAMA 23 year old male who suffers from a common, but socially devastating skin condition called Psoriasis. AMA.

Questions	Answers
What is the craziest order you have received?	A cheeseless pizza with every meat topping we had on it with a LOT of ranch on top. thing was a pain in the ass to cut lol.
That sounds only slightly disgusting.	It didn't look appetizing to me.
You still made it? Props to you.	Well yeah, if you pay for it, i'll make it.
Do people request ranch on top frequently?	Yep. some get pissed cuz they gotta pay extra.
No pants? Sweet.	I keep the AC on high so you better have a good excuse for the ladies XD.
What's the grossest thing you've seen happen in your establishment?	Honestly, we have a pretty clean store. but i will tell you that closing clean up and seeing the pepperonis that employees drop and get kicked under the "make-line" gets pretty nasty.
High five for keeping your place so fresh and so clean clean.	I'm pretty strict, not gonna lie, when it comes to the "close to open/open to close" policy.
I work at LC, and pepperonis that DONT get kicked under the makeline and just stick to the floor and everyone steps on them are disgusting.	I hate when that happens, even with slip resistant shoes, you have no hope of survival.
Just like lemon wedges where I used to work (outback steakhouse). Those things were little land mines waiting to kill someone.	Haha my buddy works at outback and he complains about the same shit.
Is it possible to score free pizzas from your store when youre about to close? dumpster?	Our GM makes us dump the pizzas out of the box then throw the box in. This happened when one of our employees was harassed by a homeless person. i usually leave a garbage bag of crazy bread by the dumpster so they can be happy.
What is your opinion on the Golden Corral whistle blowing, and do you think it was necessary to make more people aware of the need for quality in restaurant/delivery chains? I know that you said that your store follows strict policies involving cleanliness, but did the recent event change your view at all?	I'm going to be honest with you, i have never heard of this. however here in the state of AZ, there is a HUGE risk when you have one small flaw or even sell a product that is under the minimum requirements or even violates the policies. Health inspectors always give us an A rating. i also believe that if a business "needs" more quality, then it should be removed from the books.
Wait, you're in az? Please tell me that's what you meant by here in az and more specifically, please be in Tucson.	Mesa/Gilbert.
Where in Mesa? I'll come see you if you give me a reddit discount.	Right now i'm in Gilbert, my main store is in Mesa.
Damn, I wanted that animal style...	Lol.
Ok...where in gilbert.	You'll have to find me >:D you really want that discount badly?
Well geez if she needs something :p.	True son right there lol.
What was your funniest/most embarrassing moment at work thus far?	Turning the corner from the office and seeing my dishwasher do this: Link to imgur.com and Link to imgur.com
The first photo totally made my night. :)	Lol i had to show the customers who were waiting, it was too epic. they laughed too
Should I get the deep dish? I've been meaning to but the store is out of the way.	Try the Deep Deep Dish. it's so good, and instead of cornmeal for the pans, we use a garlic butter and it adds such flavoring.
I'm a Domino's manager. We have garlic butter for the crust ring on hand tossed pizzas, but use plain butter sauce in our pan pizzas. I'm going to have to try the garlic butter in the pan of the next pan pizza I make myself. That sounds delicious.	Cool.
WHY don't they advertise THAT!, buying one today thanks!	They have like 3 commercials.
Do you trade pizza for food at other restaurants?	Oh yeah, there's a starbucks next door and we have great trades.
Haha is that a common thing in winnipeg there is a little ceasers and starbucks next door to each other in quite a bit of areas.	Yes and no, here in AZ, it's usually LC, Wendy's, and Dominos next to Starbucks.
Lookin for a good breakfast pizza? use the nacho cheese sauce for the sauce and use breakfast like toppings ex: ham, bacon green peps. for some strange reason the cheese sauce kinda tastes like eggs when cooked. i used to work at lc for 6 years, everyone loved it.	Dude, we've done that lol. except we made it thin crust lol.
Do you guys use any secret ingredients for the Crazy Bread to make it taste so delicious, or am I only tasting the fatty butter?	It's just butter and parmesan. but i will admit, the butter made for LC is a special recipe cuz i have never tasted butter so good.
After working there and knowing all the behind the scenes details, would you still eat there?	It really isn't bad at all. not the freshest but i can tell you that i will eat a pizza if i myself make it. i'm from New York, so i know what a real pizza is.
How much money does the company actually make on the $5 pizzas? It's a great deal, but there has to be a profit margin for the company... I'm just wondering what it might be?	All stores are different in grossing profit but i can tell you that each day my store ranges from 1,900-4,500 a day in sales.
Also, I'm planning a pizza party for my niece who is going away to basic training (AF) in a few weeks. Any "specials" or deals I should ask for if I decide to go through LC for pizza instead of another chain?	Try to call a week in advance, and ask for a "school" deal, at my store that deal is tax free, idk where you live so it may differ. it can save a lot of money.
So why this job? Sounds like a cool job. Do you have dreams to make it any further up the business?	Actually this is my pedestrian job. i am actually an artist and i sell art. i only do it locally though, brings in a bonus every now and then.
You cant just leave us hanging I need to see your pizza art, on another note I see you posted pictures of feet in another thread, neat.	Yeah i know, two totally different worlds. lol. i have made art on pizzas, lemme look for a pic.
Do you have an artist website or a portfolio or examples of work we can see?	I'm still building it. i wanna be able to have an online store set up. right now even with this job, money is a tight matter.
Why is the crazy bread so good?	Because we at Little Caesars honor the "Quality! Quality!" rule.
Maybe you do at your little Ceasars, but that is certainly not true at any Little Ceasars I've ever been to.	How so? do the ones you've been to suck? because i've been to ones that are terrible. but i am doing this IAMA cuz my store has bragging rights lol.
I bet it does, but the ones I've been to are almost unedible lol.	Sorry to hear that.
Whats the largest order you ever had?	10 Pep, 5 cheese, 10 3 meat, 25 bags of crazy bread, 15 cheese breads, and 15 2 liters assorted.
Holy fuck.	Haha yeah i had the same reaction on the phone with the customer. get this though, it was for a SWEET 16.
Lol, the one I worked at was right next to a military base. We had them order 250+ pizzas for pickup at 7 am one day. It was hilarious walking in and seeing 250 pizzas stacked up in our small output store. It wasn't so hilarious when we got the call at 8 am that they cancelled the order.	Omg dude that's happened with an order of 20 for a high school, i got pissed.
Sad twist: No one got the invitations :( Happy twist: Got all of the pizza :)	Oh haha.
Them's gon' be some fat ladies.	Lol.
Do you remember what the price tag on all of that was?	I didn't ring up the order but we got tipped about $30 so it had to be a big price lol.
Did you get to sing "ONE OF US" at the birthday girl? cause damn.	Lol no.
How many Deep Dish pizza's do you guys average?	Recently we started selling the new Deep Deep Pizzas and we sell about 100 a day. they became so popular within the first week.
Is it true that they're basically the Big Foot Pizza pt 2?	What? lol.
We don't sell nearly that many at my store, but they're pretty popular. You guys do $5 for a large one topping, $8 for your Deep Dish?	$5 cheese/pep $8 deep deep dish $8 3 meat treat and then $6 for one topping other than pep.
That may be to old for you to remember but in early 90's LC's made a fuckin' jawsome pizza that was rectangular in shape, and delicious in taste.	The original deep dish is rectangular and some stores still offer those and the deep deep dish.
Dude i always get the 5$ pizza deal and crazy bread, i love LC! ON you're breaks do you ever just munch out with you're co workers a box of pizza?	Definitely, when working in a super fast paced food environment, we just grab a cheese bread, mark it in the waste log, and have at it.
Any way the general public can request it? i'm addicted to your pan pizza.	Ask, the worst they can say is no.
What tips can you give to get a better order? Read on a forum a long time ago that we should order extra butter on everything to make sure you're getting a fresh baked and also extra delicious pizza.	Just say you want a fresh one out of the oven, a pizza from LC should never take more than 5 minutes to 5 minutes and 20 seconds depending on temps. and if they're not producing pizzas almost every 5 minutes cuz of rush hour, etc. then they need to get new people working. for a "best" pizza, get crazy crust which is butter and parmesan. some stores charge $1. some don't. we usually do, unless i'm in a good mood (i never charge honestly) lol.
Who's the rudest person who's ever come in? What's the dumbest thing anyone has ever done there? What dumb stuff have people done neaoutside the store?	Too many rude customers, but the rudest person had to be when they wanted wings and i explained to them there are 8 flavors and they yell "i don't have time for this crap, are you hot-n-ready or not?!" so i jsut gave them the plain wings no flavoring. :)
Good call. I probably would've given them the spiciest flavor just so they could suffer.	Haha. it's Franks Red Hot, it's not too spicy
Plain wings with a ton of extra garlic butter for cooking was amazing.	I once mixed the honey mustard and the garlic butter and it wasn't bad.
Dammit. Then I definitely would have given him the plainest kind. And last question, what pizza do you recommend?	Depends. i'm a meat lover and a little spice so i invented the "animal style" which is a pizza that has the buffalo ranch instead of the tomato sauce and no pepperoni. basically, it's sausage, ham, bacon, buffalo ranch sauce (from the dip cups) and cheese with parmesan and butter crust.
Can I order that? Like is that even request able?!	There is no pizza there called the animal style but the sauce replacement, i'm sure if you pay for the dip cup, they should be able to, ask a manager. in my opinion, if you're paying money, they should have no problem.
How many people have you banged?	Um...what? lol.
How long do you guys keep pizzas in the hotbox and what is the policy for knowing how many to keep on hand?	30 minutes max. and it depends the flow of customers.
So way, way back in the day my favorite pizza was the square Meatsa! Meatsa! It came in a two pack on what seemed like a three foot long piece of cardboard. I would destroy that thing. At some point, Little Caesars quit making square pizzas and it was gone. It didn't taste the same when round. I think they were different crusts. So my question is, does the new deep dish taste like that old square pizza?	The new deep deep dish is the same way as you described. you get 2 square pizzas that guaranteed that chewy cheesy crust, and i do believe we sell a 3 meat version too, just ask.
Thanks for the reply. I know what I'm having for dinner tomorrow night.	Lol great!!
Do you still eat Little Caesers outside of work? I worked at a Little Caesers for 4 months once, I couldn't eat pizza for a while after that - eating pizza almost daily for 4 months will mess with you pretty bad haha.	I could eat pizza somewhere else like Geno's, Sbarro, etc. but if it's at an LC, it's my store and if i make it myself.
What is your favorite pizza to make for yourself?	Animal Style Deep Deep Dish. it's my own creation that uses Buffalo Ranch to replace the pizza sauce, then topped with sausage, bacon, and ham, then butter and parmesan. thing is a heart attack in a box lol.
A delicious heart attack!	Hell yeah lol
Hey there, I've been an employee at Little Caesars for about two months now. I won't be eighteen for another year and a half, but when I turn eighteen is it worth going through the process of becoming a part time manager?	Depends on the requirements your GM/franchise has. mine was not about being the fastest at sheet outs or dressing pizzas, it was all about leadership and maturity.
Any ingredients or methods that people wouldn't expect in mass market pizza? (Like you actually have to make dough from scratch each day etc)	Honestly, it's very simple "start with a pitcher of water" kind of method.
I got a good question. How do you guys always keeps your pizzas hot? i mean i'm pretty sure you don't put them in back in the oven every 5-10 minutes.	There's a company called "Crescor" that makes a giant metal box kinda like a heat refrigerator.
Honestly, how much does it cost you to make a hot and ready?	Idk, probably around $3 a pizza.
My neighbor, who used to be a manager at LC, told me that there was exactly 17 cents in a hot-n-ready cheese pizza, not including labor. Slightly more for pepperoni. Not sure how accurate that is, just what I've been told.	Maybe. i'm not sure.
I stand by the fact that chain restaurants can never meet the standards met by NY pizza. Care to reply?	Dude i agree. i'm from Long Island so i know what a real pizza tastes like.
I'm from Chicago. Let the pizza flame war commence! Um, MY LITTLE CAESARS PIZZA TASTES SO MUCH BETTER THAN YOUR LITTLE CAESARS PIZZA.	Lol Little Caesars pizza is not qualified to be in a "war" lol. however, your Chicago pizza against my New York Pizza, that's a war XD.
Ever have Little Vincent's cold cheese slice?	Nope.
I am thinking of applying for a assistant manager position at one near me. How is the training and is they pay decent?	Depends on franchise for pay. i would start as a crew member first then ask for management after 30 days. kinda prove yourself.
What's your policy/practice on witnessing people leaving kids in their car to pick up a pizza?	I give them dirty looks, sometimes i'm just a dick to them. like i take my sweet ass time to get their order and kinda hint it to them that they have kids waiting.
Is it true that you can ask for an "old" (like 1-2 hours old) pizza and get discounted/free?	Nope. we never keep pizzas past 30 minutes to ensure freshness and any store that does should be shut down. you want a discount, just ask the manager for a deal.
Probably feel like a dick when the child is kidnapped from the backseat of the car while you're stalling their parents huh?	Not really. not my fault they're bad parents. hide yo kids.
Dumb question: do you know where i can buy the parmesean garlic wing sauve?	I honestly don't know. i doubt it's an LC special sauce. you can try at like Target or walmart.
I cant find it.	Ask your local LC store. offer them a good amount to buy like a wing bowl full.
Why are the pizzas at Little Caesars so cheap? Lower quality?	They're not that bad of quality to be honest, but considering that cheaper pizzas attract more customers, it sells.
I think it has the lowest quality out of all the chains like PJ, pizza hut ,and dominoes. For some reason they also start to smell really bad after a while like really stinky cheese compared to other chains. Any ideas why that might be or is it just me?	It depends where you got it from. i never had that issue with pizzas coming out of my store.
Where is your LC located? One day, if I'm ever remotely close, I am determined to find you. I feel like the Jimenez Branch is reaching legendary status in my personal regards.	Arizona Mesa/Gilbert. i bounce stores a lot.
Why are you at work on your day off?	I got hungry for crazy bread lol.
What do managers make there?	Depends on the franchise owner.
Today is one of my days off and i'm just chillin' at the store. The fuck is wrong with you?	I run this bitch lol and i was hungry.
Why does your pizza give me the squirts?	Huh?
There's no rules...There's one rule!	That's right, keep your shirt on.
I met Dave Warden, the guy in the commercial, he's hilarious.	Cool!!
The guy with the cast I hate that commercial	Haven't seen it.
Do you guys do any other deals on specialty pizzas. When I was in California last year the LC, they had a white chicken pizza for I believe $8. I had never heard of a white chicken pizza from LC since then. Also you guys should make cinnamon sticks!!!	I would love to have white pizzas here. and no, we don't have the cinnastix.
Also, hand tossed dough is better than sheetout. I actually enjoyed working there, but they're so labor concerned that the average employee only gets about 25 hrs/wk.	I know i hated that. as a manager you get no more and no less than 40 hours. overtime constitutes to write up.
Dude, I hate that LC discontinued the Spice Packs. They were absolutely incredible and now I have to kind of try and make my own version that never seems to live up to it. The only place I know that still has Spice Packs is Joe Louis Arena which us owned by LC (Mike Illich).	Sometimes i give a little in a sauce bowl if requested.
I worked at a Little Caesars for a bit, and my manager was a dick. Does being a douchey drunk come with the job, or was it just because he was Mexican?	Depends on how the franchise was run. some of my friends in other independent LC's say their higher ups rely too much on the store managers to do everything. they also rarely ever show up to meetings. my GM has his personal life but he is very good at keeping it professional when around us and the store. i tell people i am a dick but they end up liking me for unknown reasons. i think i'm too strict myself.
Yeah me pissing off my manager led to the start of my sign shaking days. I just decided to embrace it.	Lol.

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Date: 2012-04-15
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Questions	Answers
It on your face? Is it painful? Is yours a very severe case?	My case is severe, the dermatologist actually photographed my legs and arms to use in a journal for severity. However, that is also based on perspective, it's not on my face, that would be exponentially worse. Psoriasis isn't painful if you look after it. However, if you don't moisturize your skin they become cracked and inflamed. It almost feels like paper cuts all over them, like my skin is on fire. There is some days where the pain is bad that I just hate everything. My case is severe, a dermatologist took a picture of my arms and legs to actually use in a journal and put into textbooks. I am literally the picture of Psoriasis.
What treatments are there?	There is no cure for Psoriasis, however there are tons of treatments like injections, creams, UV light treatments, skin wraps and some work for other people but there is not one standard treament. After years of trying, I have given up. I just use trusty old Vaseline to keep my skin hydrated.
Have you tried biologicals/injections like Link to en.wikipedia.org or something like that?	No! Thanks for the link, I will look into it!
Maybe. I'd just like to share what my father told us before we started school: Because you're different, people will say things that are hurtful. This is not necessarily a bad thing, because it will give you the advantage of knowing exactly what type of person you're dealing with.	Exactly, I've met some amazingly kind people and some awful awful people. I can't count the times on my hand that kids have tried to hurt me with it. In grade 6 they came up with an entire story of how one kids aunt died from Psoriasis and how it will kill me and such. It was heartbreaking!
Does yours ever bleed?	They bleed all of the time, I live in a dry climate too, so my skin dries out horribly. It sucks because my sheets have these awful blood spots because they can break open at night.
What have you tried?	I've tried almost everything under the sun that my dermatologist recommended (steroid creams, UV treatment). One day she recommended that I use this drug that they use to treat cancer patients and I drew the line at that. After years of doing it, I just gave up, I'd rather live naturally then die from cancer when I'm 50.
Are some parts covered worse than others?	One thing you should try however, is vaseline on your ears after a shower. I find that it helps keep the moisture in there and really helps. Seriously, vaseline, its the most effective and it stopped mine from becoming dry and inflamed.
Thanks for the tip! I'll definitely get me some vaseline then. It's just getting ridiculously irritating and gross.. it bleeds and gets wet and icky and then I wake up with my hair plastered into it because it's crusted over when I was sleeping. It's one sexy skin condition we have!	Vaseline will be a game changer for you, I promise. Just remember, shower first, then apply it.
Another quick question if I may.. does anyone else in your family have it? I know my cousin has it and I think my mother suffered too. I was just wondering if yours was in the family too.	I can trace Psoriasis back generations, my father has it, his mother has it, her dad had it... It sucks. But the good news is that that whole side of the family has longevity in it, they usually live to around 90 or 100.
What treatment(s) are you using? What has been most and least effective for you?	I've done everything under the sun, but as I said before, I was tired of being a lab rat. Every dermatologist would look like they stumbled across a gold mine and recommend recent studies to try.
	I just didn't want to go through it anymore.
	Honestly, the most effective treatment has been showering then applying Vaseline to keep my skin moisturized. It is the best and it cuts the pain down that is caused by dryness to nothing.
You may have it bad, but you don't have it as bad as my cousin's best friend.	That's horrifying... I don't have it that bad for sure.
I went bowling once with her, my cousin, and another cousin, and people were staring at her like she was the ugliest person in the world. I wanted to kick so much ass that day.	Poor girl, honestly, that is one of my biggest fears. How does she cope with it? Does she have a stronger personality or crushing social anxieties?
Another male with psoriasis here, although it's mostly on my chest and back. Do you have bad joint pain?	Sometimes, oddly enough if I cut myself badly Psoriasis will take over that spot eventually!
Psobro!!! I have psoriasis and I had(have?) it fucking bad on my scalp when I was in high school so through some stroke of wisdom by parents decided I should shave my head all through high school to let it "breathe". Terrible fucking times were had.	Oh my, I bet you could tell some stories that could help people get through even their most awful days.
I had never seen anyone with this condition before a few minutes ago. I am always wary of asking people about things like this. If I met you in public, would you be offended if I (not knowing anything about anything) asked you what was wrong with you skin? Also, I think some of the apprehension people may feel could come from fears of contamination. Perhaps if you told people you weren't contagious, they would be more at ease. However, I have no clue really. Do you have 'outbreaks'? Does the psoriasis come and go?	I don't mind if people ask in a nice way... if they ask out of spite, like I don't deserve to leave my house or if they have a disgusted tone in their voice then it gets pretty hurtful. Psoriasis stays day in and day out, so no outbreaks, just always there. People do usually get better once you tell them its not contagious, but I know I can never have a job in the food industry.
Have you been checked for coeliac? or any other kind of digestive issue? Also, see PM.	No, I will for sure look into it!
I feel your pain, I have atypical contact dermatitis, coupled with dyshidrotic eczema and an overactive immune system. Generally once a month i get all the fun of recovering from second degree burns to my hands, arms, legs and belly, without the fun of actually being burned. recovery time is about 3-4 weeks, at which point I get a few days of clear, non-embarrassing skin before the cycle repeats. The steroids are no longer effective, so they're thinking of starting me on immunosuppressants. The best part? I work as a medical professional. There's nothing like having your patient ask if someone else can treat you, but not wanting to explain why. How many times a week do you have to sweep/vacuum your bedroom?	I just vacuum the once a week! Yours sounds so much worse. Sometimes I hate skin, Doves skin slogan where they describe how our skin protects us infuriates me!
I sympathize entirely! Thanks for the AMA! Stay strong and moisturized! lol.	I would upvote this comment more if I could! thanks!
I have an older brother who suffers from this. He has it on his face and scalp. I understand how devastating it can be, as he faced much bullying growing up with it.	It was early on in life are we had heard that a kid was losing his hair in my class from the stress that he lost his parents in a car crash that I realized everyone has their own cross to bear in the world that I started to feel better about mine. Once I was able to own the fact that I had the skin condition and start living the way I wanted to I found that friends just came to me. People are attracted to confidence, if the bully is offering them a chance to feel safe they will take it. If you legitimately try not to cut yourself off from everyone and just be honest with anyone who asks it will make it a lot better for you in the end.
Were you a victim of bullying too? If so, how did you deal with it?	I think with anything in life you have to own your condition.
I have severe eczema which is not the same thing but is also ugly and painful. I'm sorry you have to deal with this dear, mine is so sensitive that washing my hands with regular soap will cause my hands to rash out, crack and bleed. I hate it when I get it on my face. What bathing/moisturizing products do you/can you use?	Thanks! Just regular old Vaseline after a shower, which is embarrassing to explain to friends and girlfriends when we hangout in my room!
Do you hate it when strangers ask? That sucks that you have to live with this. You're no less of an awesome human being regardless though. Thanks for posting this. I'm sure there are more than a few people out there who can relate.	I hated it when people first started asking me about it, especially strangers because as a person you just want to be normal so badly. I don't mind anymore though, I find that when you lie about what it is, or try to minimize it from people you just make the problem worse for not only them, but yourself. I find now that when I give them a really enthusiastic answer about what it is and how its not contagious people respond much better to me as a person. However, you can tell the difference between when someone is asking out of fear that its contagious and when they are asking solely because they're curious. If its for fear of it being contagious, it's still hard to deal with sometimes because it still feels like they think you're a pile of garbage that shouldn't ever leave your own house. If it's because they're curious I become totally helpful and understand completely!
Thanks for answering this. I'm curious about everything in life and I find it hard not to be ridiculously social in meeting random strangers. Is there a cure at all? Also, rice or noodles?	No problem! It took me overcoming my psoriasis to become a social person myself. I actually forced myself to start taking drama and debate as my options in school so I would actually have to face people. There is no cure, but as you can probably see from the thread, everyone and their grandma has a remedy or a drug to recommend. It's actually kind of super cool to think about, because its true that it is an autoimmune disease then everyones body has to fight it off differently. That's kind of neat. I am an noodles man through and through, although jasmine coconut rice is fantastic!
Great answer. Are there any foods you have to avoid eating? (hopefully not noodles or jasmine coconut rice). Jasmine rice is da bomb.	Apparently there is a ton that I should avoid eating... but I would find that harder then living with psoriasis I think. I could never give up carbs which from this thread today I guess is the biggest one!
How bad is it medically? Like do you have side effects, do you suffer a decreased quality of life (not socially), certain medications, etc...	I always compare it to having paper cuts. Paper cuts aren't that bad on their own, but its the constant pain and burning that kills you after a while. It's most definitely a decrease in the quality of life because it brings you down emotionally and physically.
	I am considering maybe not having kids for fear of passing it on to them.
Do you ever pick at it? I just got the strongest urge to rake my fingers across your leg. I have skin picking issues.	Yes, yes I do. I unfortunately would also experience the wonders that is a skin infection, which let me tell you, is not fun at all. It makes you feel awful and takes your GP months to figure out what's wrong with you.
Were you born with what it is like now? Or does it kind of grow over your years?	It grows over the years! I was completely normal and awesome till I was 10 years old. It started slowly on my knee and eventually spread all over my arms and legs.
I've had a pretty severe case of seborrheic dermatitis all my life, not anything as bad as yours, so much respect for your positive attitude. As someone who has seen many doctors and done endless research on my own to no avail I feel like there has been very little progress on most skin conditions, only the occassional balm or steroid that is for example 30% efficacious on 40% of sufferers. I imagine with the severity of your case you've had a similar experience, so why do you think there has been so little progress not only on surface treatments but on targeting the causes, whatever they may be?	Only 5% of the worlds population has psoriasis. I think the money just isn't there for big Pharma. But if I ever won the lottery, you can bet I would invest a ton of my winnings in a research study.
Have you ever tried the baths in budapest?	Never! Budapest is so far!
Not sure why i was downvoted, lol but anyhow the public baths in budapest are known for being great at treating psoriasis Link to www.hotel-palazzo-zichy.hu.	Thanks Buddha! haha, I will look into it, don't know if traveling is in the direct future though!
Man that's twice the size of my spots in your picture. I really wanted to make this day a good one because the sun is shining after a weekend with thunderstorm and hail so i decided to listen to some ska music and lurk through reddit. And right now i am laughing and crying at the same time. Thank you for being frank with us. You covered a lot of my questions that might help me deal better with my psoriasis. Might be sad on the one side but internet keeps you alive ;) Edit: Oh one question (might read over that). When people ask me what stuff I have in my face they often tell me that they got "neurodermitis too" after a lengthy explanation. Any similar experience?	Oh yeah! I think because psoriasis doesn't look like just one type of illness that people can't really easily identify it. So when you explain that its not contagious and its just psoriasis I think people will try to relate to it in anyway that they can. A lot of the times I will tell someone and they will be like "yeah, I excema too!" and I just laugh. But it makes me happy, because it shows me the better parts of human beings and them wanting to show you acceptance. Once I got over the fact that I had it and came to terms with it, my life got so much better. I literally love the summer because I am brave enough to wear short sleeved shirts.
I also have psoriasis, so I understand exactly what you mean. However, I only have it on my eyelids, and have found a cream by clinique that really helped. Have you found any medications help?	No, I just use Vaseline! But I can see that wouldn't work for your eyelids. However, I do know that demonologists can recommend a steroid cream that could clear up your eyelids. They didn't work for me because I think there was too much on my legs and arms, but I know that the cream cleared up my ears and nose like nobodies business!
Ever tried a paleo diet?	No, I live with my family still when I'm not on the road, so any kind of diet that they don't want to be apart of is kind of out of the question and when you're on the road eating anything but junk food is tough unless the other guys are willing to try harder to find better food.
I have tried thousands and thousands of creams, but I started using cliniques: all about eyes, and have never looked back. I still have some scarring on my eyelids, but they are mostly healed and no one would notice unless I mentioned it :)	Hmmm! Clinique is going on the list!
Surely they will try to help if they can right? THEY don't have to eat it. You do.	Yeah! It's no excuse! I will make the change!
I used to run a tanning salon, I had some clients that tanned to manage their psoriasis, have you tried that?	Haha, i don't have time for that! Super busy schedule! But I have heard from many people that it helps! I did try UV light treatments, it helped, but was so hard to get to!
I used to know this really cool kid with full-body psoriasis in big patches, like my dad's. We both went to the same summer camp by the sea, and every year after about the first week, his psoriasis would have totally calmed and he'd tan out vitiglio-style. He chalked it up to the sun, sea, and happiness. If only living on the beach and messing around all day forever were covered by my insurance, haha. Long-term treatment plan, maybe...?	I've actually heard that before! That's crazy! I think it might be called life after death and not covered by HMO. Or for the atheist redditor, it's called the internet.
Wait, how do you not have time for that if it could potentially drastically change the way your skin looks? I dated a man that was writing his dissertation, in a fellowship, and teaching at community college but still "found time" to go tanning every week because otherwise his psoriasis outbreak would be extreme. If the condition is devastating (which I believe) than how is 2 20-minute sessions so outlandish that it's not worth your time? You talk about how you're sad about not being able to go to water parks--if you can't go tanning to fix the problem, how do you miss an activity that would take like 4 or 5 times as much time-spent to enjoy? So confused.	I guess I should have elaborated, I spend a lot of my time on the road for my job, usually in a different city every night so it's tough for me to nail down a plan like that. When I'm home I usually don't think about it, but now that you brought it up I think I will try to wake up earlier and make it happen. I guess it's so easy for me to convince myself I have no time for it instead of actually just doing it! Thanks for the pep talk! I will go tanning TODAY!
What's your favourite colour?	Black or navy blue!
	See also: Link to www.youtube.com
I cant help but ask, have you tried Blue Start Ointment, the one thats guaranteed ASK FOR IT now available at Rite-Aid?	Never, I've started a list of everyones recommendation though.
Tried hempseed? A couple spoonfuls a day can give you all the EFA's the human body needs... this can help a lot of things. But, I have read that some Psoriasis sufferer's have had relief, sometimes overnight, after applying hempseed oil.	Hmmm, interesting, I will give it a go! Thanks!
Do you smoke?	No... I was always lucky not to get the habit.
I feel terrible for you, I have it very mildly and it's only on my hands and feet. I'm good at covering my feet when it gets bad, but my hands are covered in band aids most of the time, and I'm always getting ask or stared at when it's at its worst. What type of medicine do you take?	I go all natural! Only moisturizers!
You don't want to go to water parks anyway. they're full of people much more disgusting than you think you look.	This comment is made of win! Thanks! But I mean, water slides are pretty much the most bad ass invention of humans ever. It was like once we got a basic knowledge of physics, the next step is build giant tubes filled with water that you can ride. My only regret about humanity is that there isn't more slides put to practical use in the world!
TIL everyone on reddit had Psoriasis.	Lol, apparently only 5% of the worlds population has it. But a lot of them are in North America. That's funny, I'm actually shocked and humbled that so many people can relate!
I have psorasis. However it's mild, but along my nose ridges, behind my ears on the top of my head I flake. It isn't red, or obvious, but it's there.	I'm glad its not a nuisance for you yet. If I could offer one piece of advice though, I wish I was more proactive is stopping it before it became wide spread. It took years for me to get this bad. As soon as it starts spreading you should tackle it before it takes over your arms and legs!
I heard olive oil can do the trick to make it better if you use it regularly.	Interesting, I will add it to the list!
I am 13 with eczema.	Do you have some body image issues or are self conscious about it? I know the thirteen year old me would never have taken off his hoodie no matter how hot it was.
No, its not that bad. The only time it gets real bad is when it breaks out but thats usually in places i can easily hide, such as my shoulder or lower back. Otherwise it just looks like red goose bumps all over my body. This is currently the most active part on my body(arm): Link to imgur.com.	Hmmmm! Well keep fighting the good fight!
There are tons of physically healthy but psychologically weak people who are depressed for no reason and have never truly suffered a day in their lives. If they all had Psoriasis, then half of them would commit suicide. I'm glad that you guys are stronger than these people.
Yeah I wish more people had your attitude.	Thanks! That means a lot! But from doing this AMA I could never have believed so many people suffered from it with such great attitudes. Not to mention all of the people who suffered from it then got better!
I feel your pain. Unfortunately, I suffer a different yet also devastating skin condition called Ichthyosis :(	Oh my god, I google image searched that and I saw all the photos of babies and it broke my heart... Was it like that when you were born? How do you live with that? I think you should really be doing an IAMA.
I usually just say i have dry skin, and leave it at that. Real friends don't care about your skin conditions! :D.	I'm so glad, thats what I finally decided in the end!
I just want to say props to you. My childhood BFF had it since he was around 5 and i have seen many people make judgements based on his appearance. It takes a valiant person to go on reddit and share your experiences and thoughts on the matter. thank you :)	Thanks! But you guys make it easy.
Congrats on the sex.	Thanks! This is kind of what it was like: Link to www.youtube.com
I only ever had one partner who saw me at 60% coverage, but he was a WoW boyfriend who wanted to propose three weeks after we started dating. So, you know, got my sexy on but maybe he wasn't emotionally stable either.	I am laughing so hard. Surprising my girlfriends just got physical with me without even asking what it was, now that is ballsy! I don't know if the spots had been switched if I would have been able to do it.
I've been told that cutting out carbs often helps.	I don't know if I'm willing to cut that out! Scott pilgrim and I love garlic bread.
Not really a question but this is pretty much my life except that I'm 20. If you can believe it my legs are worse than yours. I understand brother, I understand.	That's crazy, I'm sorry man! But this whole Thread has some crazy suggestions to try! So I'm excited that it worked out that way!
I hope you see it too, its beautiful and definitely a weird feeling to float there weightless and unsinkable, like the water is a lawn chair. I sort of wish i had taken some of the water back in a bottle, not even sure if thats legal.	There is always time to go back right? ;)
Post a pic.	Done.
My psoriasis is really, really minor. :/ nothing like this. Makes me feel bad for complaining about small skin stuff like acne that can be easily treated.	Hey, but at least now you can look on the bright side when you feel down. I guarantee a lot of people on this thread have felt worse at times and would trade with you in a heart beat!
	That being said, everyone fights a tough battle, yours is no different than ours.
I'm sorry.	That's all I ever wanted to hear.
People are way too fast to judge.	Do you have psoriasis?
No I don't. I'm just an everyday teenager, who feels your suffering.	You've made making this thread totally worthwhile, I really thought it'd be cool to show regular people that its not something to be afraid of.
	But I also fear you're the kind of stand up person who doesn't need persuading anyway!
	Thanks for being a great person!
It seems like you've gotten a few suggestions that you haven't heard about yet. Please give us an update later on how any of those things may have helped you. Good luck!	I will do! I will document the journey!
A suggestion: Dovonex (by prescription) and cocoa butter. You're welcome.	For someone supposed to make it difficult, you've made it very easy ;). I have used Dovonex, it didn't have any effect for me! But I will try the cocoa butter.
Dude..............................I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND.	I do all of the above too, it just took me a lot of positive thinking and a real re working of how I viewed myself and my body image to get it.
I have psoriasis too. It isnt socially debilitating for me though. I have a girlfriend, friends, and have no problem swimming or anything, But it does suck have to take time out of your day to treat it.	I used to wear long clothes everywhere, even in blistering summer heat. I think it forged me a stronger personality in the end though. Fists up for living life to the fullest.
My father has psoriasis and it was also passed down to my brother and I. The best thing ive seen for this crap is to eat as little unprocessed foods as possible and travel to hawaii to bask in that water.	Hmmm... I don't do either of those very often, but when I do, skin... WATCH OUT!
You are what you eat.	I AM HOTDOGS!
Thanks for the post. Now that I think about it I think I met someone with this a few years ago, I just assumed it was some kind of wierd, crazy burn he got as a kid or something but now I know better, thanks!	This comment made doing this IAMA so worth while.
I had a councilor at my camp with the same condition a few years ago, I've always wondered what it was but never asked him. Always thought it was exima.	Now you know, and it is not terrifying.
My mother in law has psoriasis as bad as yours too. She recently was told about a new drug from her doctor called Stelara. She got her first shot last week. You may have already heard of it, but if not: Link to www.stelarainfo.com. (And no, I do not work for the pharma company LOL)	I'm completely terrified of taking prescription drugs, obviously my body has it for a reason. Might as well live with it.
Just remember that there are always strangers on the internet out there pullin' for you, man!	Thanks! It's nice to see such a community around it. We should really set up the subreddit for advice on this. I spent many a lonely teenage years wishing for just one friend to talk about this with. I met this really popular girl on the bus who had psoriasis but told me to shut up when I brought it up. I wasn't even being creepy or weird. Plus it was only us on the bus! Heartbreaking.
Sorry for your suffering. Link to en.wikipedia.org	No, I know what I'm watching after game of thrones tonight!
My father has psoriasis. It covered 75% of his body. I'm not sure what he takes, but most insurance covers it I believe, and its price depends on your weight. I think its Remicade. Also, he has arthritis associated with psoriasis. Can't walk some days. Sorry if this sounds odd, I'm tired.	It's okay! I might try it! I keep hearing about this arthritis, I'm truly horrified.
I now feel bad for whining about my eczema. My sister has a rare skin disorder called Epidermolysis Bullosa so I understand the staring at water parks. I am well practised in giving people returning death stares. My sister always said she would prefer people to ask rather than just stare though.	Me too, the staring is the worst. That's why I wanted to do this IAMA to raise awareness about it, because it seems to me that people could really learn a lot from this!
Picking was the most difficult part for me. I would CONSTANTLY pick my skin because I just couldn't deal with the layers. The soft but raw skin underneath always made me feel better to touch because at least it wasn't a flake. Then I just got into a bad habit.	This sounds like the start of a very violent self mutilation episode :(
Hello. I know part of your pain, as I have lesions under my knees, on my ankles and my back. I just want to let you know that you are not alone in this world.	Thank you, it mean's a lot! I feel bad that they're behind your knees. That must be horrible during the summer :(.
My math professor has this I never knew what it was until now.	Well I'm glad I enlightened you. It's not contagious.
	The best thing you can do is let the other students in your class know what it is if they ever ask.
	Don't bring it up around him because I guarantee his is probably self conscious about it.
We got pretty rowdy and offensive when cheering on our high school basketball team. There was a very pale white kid with what I think was psoriasis or something on his arms. I kept yelling "SWEET PSORIASIS BRO" "YOU BETTER GET THAT CHECKED OUT" yeah I'm going to hell	To each their own I suppose.

Last updated: 2012-04-19 22:29 UTC | Next update: 2012-04-20 04:29 UTC
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